Is this a bit much for grandparents babysitting ?

[Colourconundrum]

Hi Mums - my in laws came over to babysit DS (1) at the weekend while me and DH went out for dinner to celebrate a friends bday. DS’s bedtime was before we’d even left the house but ILs came over early as they wanted to do his tea & bath. We were back by 1030.

DH paid for them to have a takeaway at our house, left out a £30 bottle of wine & has also just sent a bouquet of flowers as a thank you.

AIBU to think this is a bit OTT? I’m obviously super grateful that they looked after DS but what we’ve spent on ILs has exceeded how much our meal out was!! And a babysitter would have been way cheaper too. I’m also worried it sets an expensive precedent now and money is pretty tight for us.

Just to add my parents were also happy to babysit and I know they wouldn’t have accepted us paying for anything but MIL has been dying to look after DS so I don’t think it wasn’t a massive chore or inconvenience for her that we need to ‘compensate’ for.

We always buy my parents or best friend/ sister (whoever is babysitting) a takeaway while they baby sit and I always send petrol money to my best friend as she lives a fair drive away (she always says she doesn’t want it but I always send it!). The rest is way OTT

Wine while babysitting is ridiculous. Also I don’t think grandparents should be taking anything from struggling parents and help out where & when they can.

The takeaway is a nice gesture.

The wine unnecessary, at any price really, but especially £30.

The flowers ridiculous.

Takeaway £30 wine and flowers Wow!!! Do you need a babysitter?? Now?? Shall I get my cost??? 😁😀 And I promise I won't open the wine until I get back home. 🤣🤣🤣
Seriously, that is way over the top. We always babysit in our own home, keep them overnight and take them out the following day to cinema, play park, lunch ext. Might get the odd bunch of flowers but surely that is the norm.
That is way over the top and I only hope you haven't set a precedent. Probably not as it doesn't look like the grandparents expected any of this.
You have a very generous husband 🥙🍟🍱🍾🍷💐

You’re husband is an idiot and of course it’s excessive. Whilst I do think it’s nice to leave a meal out for them, especially if they’re coming earlier, surely a portion of whatever you’ve had the night before of even a posh ready meal would suffice? And the only time I spend that sort of money on a bottle of wine is a gift for a birthday or similar and a thank you call the day after would have been more than enough unless this is a rare one-time event.

If I were you, I’d look at gradually reducing by stealth until you get to more normal levels of dinner in the fridge and a heartfelt thank you.

@Howwilliknow122
MIL has been dying to look after DS so I don’t think it wasn’t a massive chore or inconvenience for her that we need to ‘compensate’ for.

As a gran, I wouldn’t have expected any of that. But it was a lovely gesture. 👍

Id have been delighted with a much cheaper bottle if wine and no takeaway or flowers

Yip all of it was bonkers. The wine (I wouldn’t want them drinking at all). The money for a takeaway was very nice but not necessary. The flowers too wtf. It wasn’t a weekend away it was an evening.

This is not related to her pils wanting anything (because thats what the whole post is about) to ops husband being over the top. But im sure you know this

I normally give a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers if they've had DC overnight but not for a few hours babysitting.

Neither my parents nor my PIL ever babysit but I would definitely get them something to say thank you - just not three things.

But did you not discuss any of this with your husband beforehand?

Hi, I'm a grandparent and we happily 'baby-sit' from time to time, and often have one of the grandchildren overnight. We've never been given anything, and have never expected anything more than, "Thanks so much for having him/her". We do get random gifts of flowers or chocolate brownies occasionally which is lovely.

Way over the top!
I babysit my grandchildren 2 sets on a regular basis, do school runs and sometimes over night. I would not expect or want any rewards in doing it.

The takeaway was enough.

wine and flowers are completely OTT

Might as well get a proper babysitter, will cost the same and they will be more flexible - and I always left food/ takeaway for mine.

I do massively judge the parents who accept all this as a thank you - I wouldn't accept it from my neighbours!

If I was babysitting for my (hypothetical) GC, I'd have said no to the takeaway, appreciated the wine (although I'd have no idea what it cost and been very shocked indeed to learn it was £30) and a bit sad at the flowers. That seems to suggest it was a one off huge favour, rather than something I might get to do quite frequently.

It seems to me he’s gone overboard with the “payment” as a way to rub his sisters nose in it for some reason, and to gloat that he’s more “appreciative of them” If the PILs have her kids 4 days a week (and especially if they are doing it for free).
is there some long standing sibling rivalry/jealousy?

Yes, it’s too much. It would be OK if they’d done you a huge favour but that doesn’t sound like it’s the case. I’d be embarrassed if I was given all that for babysitting for my grandchildren.

Dial it back. Pretend you deliberately went overboard as it was the first time but you need to make it clear to DH you can’t afford to do that every time or it will deter you from asking them again.

Even the £30 wine is excessive if things are tight - you can get a decent bottle for £10-£12 or something very nice for less than £20.

The flowers & wine is excessive.

We always offer takeaway but my mum usually opts to have tea with the kids as she doesn't see them as much as she would like. Tbf we do spoil her for birthdays and Christmas because she helps us out a lot and we want her to know we appreciate it.

Its nice that he's thoughtful but flowers are probably a bit much?

I take something nice out the cellar for my parents to drink but that's it. Flowers and paying for takeaway seems a bit much. (Though my kids are a bit older and I sometimes leave out a meal like a spaghetti bolognaise that I've made for them all to eat.)

It was a lovely gesture he made to his parents, if he was spending money he doesn’t have you need to have a discussion with him about budgeting, if he earns it he can spend it as he pleases assuming bills are paid. But if you also earn it and he was spending your money then again, speak to him.

this is nothing to do with your in-laws. This is your husbands choice. And I’m going to guess it’s the same when you go out for dinner, he wants to pay and you want to blame them as it’s easier than having that conversation with him and telling him you don’t wish him to.

It is, but I’m guessing he doesn’t want his parents to know they are struggling. A word needs to be had.