Is this a bit much for grandparents babysitting ?

[Colourconundrum]

Hi Mums - my in laws came over to babysit DS (1) at the weekend while me and DH went out for dinner to celebrate a friends bday. DS’s bedtime was before we’d even left the house but ILs came over early as they wanted to do his tea & bath. We were back by 1030.

DH paid for them to have a takeaway at our house, left out a £30 bottle of wine & has also just sent a bouquet of flowers as a thank you.

AIBU to think this is a bit OTT? I’m obviously super grateful that they looked after DS but what we’ve spent on ILs has exceeded how much our meal out was!! And a babysitter would have been way cheaper too. I’m also worried it sets an expensive precedent now and money is pretty tight for us.

Just to add my parents were also happy to babysit and I know they wouldn’t have accepted us paying for anything but MIL has been dying to look after DS so I don’t think it wasn’t a massive chore or inconvenience for her that we need to ‘compensate’ for.

My husband generally thinks that asking any sort of babysitting form any grandparent (all of whom are DESPERATE to spend time with our son) is such a big ask that it should firstly be avoided, secondly be apologised for and thirdly be overcompensated for. (Fourthly, he's so wary of imposing on grandparents that he fails to give them any such useful information such as how much/when/what our son eats, nap times, places to go etc).

I think it stems from how challenging HE finds it. He doesn't think he can ask people to do stuff for him if he struggles with it himself. (Hence he doesn't know we're going away for a night soon with ILs staying over, it's a surprise!)

Yeah the takeaway was sufficient. Everything else was ott

It was a bit over the top IMHO.

Yes too much

takeaway nice so they don’t need to cook or just get an easy Bung in ovens meal for them

nice wine and flowers def no need

Definitely ott. It wouldn't occur to me to expect anything for having my grandson overnight, I wonder why he felt the need to creep round them like that?

Utterly ridiculous. The takeaway was nice, the wine and flowers complete overkill.

I wonder why he felt the need to creep round them like that?
Where does the op imply that her husband creeps around his parents.

They look after his sister's 4 days a week??? Is that right OP?
Is she the favourite child or something and he'strying to kevel up?

This.

OTT on every level. Food, wine, and flowers! Most grandparents are just grateful to get some time with their grandchildren.

And the MIL opened the bottle of wine? Completely unacceptable and I don't care if the baby was asleep--the baby could have woken up!

Going forward, default to asking your parents, or find a babysitter. This is not sustainable long term and sets a terrible precedent.

I honestly find it shameful that your inlaws accepted all this. Your DH treated them as if they'd taken your little one for a full week! But then, it's also shameful that they let your DH treat them to dinners out, when you said that they are wealthier, and you are just getting started in life with a young family.

I'm a step grandparent, sidekick to the real deal but he wouldn't be able to take on babysitting alone (one child with ALN and another very strong willed - grandad goes into a panic at the first sign of a meltdown) so I'm always there when it's needed. We take our own food + stuff we know the kids like because the fridge is usually bare, doing at least a full 24 hour shifft and will leave food there for them when they get back. Normally leave the house much tidier than we found it too 😂. Not had a sniff of wine or flowers in 10 years!

I think just the flowers would be nice

i hope they took the wine home. I would not drink if I were babysitting

My parents wouldn't take it... absolutely madness. A stranger maybe but why would your parents want you to waste money. Mine wouldn't hear of it. In fact they would probably pay for my meal out.

I think that's lovely of your DH ... wouldn't enter my DH's head to do such a thing tbh.

I would never expect anything for looking after my grandchild.

Yep, OTT.
My mum loves a .cheap takeaway close to us so we often leave her £40 to cover that for her & the 2 DC - although other times we will just cook a spag bol or whatever for them to have.

I find this odd. I will ALWAYS want to cover the bill when I’m out with my dc

It's a lot but I assume you are wealthy to be flinging around £30 bottles of wine.

For the babysitter we pay £6/hour plus snacks plus Fizzy drink, if early we get pizza she likes.

For my parents they take the kids out to dinner, I buy them cheap wine plus beers and we usually pay for a meal for them the day after so it works out pricier than the babysitter but nice to treat my parents .

I’d make and leave dinner for them to heat up. I don’t think it’s fair to expect GPs to find food when babysitting.

Don’t need flowers and wine. That’s ridiculous. Tell DH you’ll be asking your parents next time as you can’t afford the in-law fees.

do they know things are tight for you or is DH masking it?

Massively over the top.

I'm now grandparent age (how????) 'thanks Mum' would do me just fine! Plus grandchild cuddles of course 🤗

absolutely OTT - if MIL comes to look after our 2 one of us picks her up, we always offer to order her a takeaway as she never gets them at home (usually small fish and chips) and we pay her taxi home, which is around £10 (she doesn't drive) She will have them once every 2-3 months from 6pm until midnight.

Not when it presumably comes out of the family budget.

Yes, completely OTT.
You say 'money is tight' but you have £30 bottles of wine in the house???

Where did op make it sound like pils asked for this. I didnt see this, please quote it here! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Agree, maybe say fair enough for the first time (and it's done now, anyway), but just a thank you any other time-or enough to cover any bills (for example if they HAD to have a meal at yours because there was no time for them to cook at home/spend money on petrol etc.
The only reason I can see is if he somehow feels guilty/feels like they haven't been invited to see the child enough, or babysit? Otherwise, don't get it.