HH income of £250k but we don’t feel rich?

[Bdrgvlugcbu]

Not a brag in the slightest! And wouldn’t discuss this non-anonymously.

DH earns just over £250k per year. Has fallen into the role really and is based on natural ability/talent as oppose to lots of hard work and training. He works very long hours though. I’m a SAHM to 3 young children.

Take home is approx £12k per month.

School fees: £3,000 per month
Mortgage, car and bills: £3500 per month
Personal savings £2000 per month
Kids savings: £450 per month
DH and I take: £500 personal money each per month
Leaves us with £2,000 per month for general spending, food shopping, days out, holidays, children’s clothes…

We don’t really go without, but we don’t feel “well off” by any means. Where are we going wrong?!

Don’t panic, you have at least another 30 years to build up a good pension pot. I didn’t start paying into a private pension until I was in my mid 30s and it’s fine.

Perhaps because your DC attend private schools and you mix with the ‘rich’ it has skewed your perception of what most families have to live on. My DDs and their DPs all work full time and would consider themselves lucky to have anything left over at the end of the month.

It's spending choices and security.

Your DH earns a lot bit it is not infinite money, if you have big outgoings then of course you will not feel rich even though objectively you are well off. You also feel insecure because all your eggs are in one basket. You would be better off both in terms of spreading risk and tax wise if you also got a job.

Also I suspect you both need proper financial advice. Why the fuck was your DH earning £180k pa for 15 years and not saving in to a pension. If nothing else as someone who was self.employed it would have beem more tax efficient.

I suspect you have both been profligate and a bit financially illiterate for some years but you have not felt it as you DH's high wages have coveres the reality.

@Bdrgvlugcbu
How do you earn £180 - 250k for over a decade and not have a healthy pension? Was it ignorance or a case where you just got accustomed to excessive spending - larger house, nicer car, school fees - at the expense of sensible financial planning?

I work in a job where I see lots of payslips and so many people opt out of good pension schemes. I always presumed that's because they are really hard up soevery penny counts, or they just don't understand the value of a pension.

I'd expect that's not the case though, if you've gotten to £180k. Is this a product of you both growing up poor and not having any foundational knowledge of financial management? Genuinely interested.

Oh and if he is a higher earner and you are not working the pension tax efficiency should be going to you, if its not...

Get some actual financial advice though to make sure your savings are doing what you need them to do

@Bdrgvlugcbu

Isn’t this just basic maths?

Our household income is less than yours but we both work. We deliberately saved to pay off our mortgage so we don’t have one (we’re mid 40s). We also own our cars outright and deliberately bought a house in a good area for schools so we didn’t have to go private (also 3 kids).

If you take off private school fees, car finance and mortgage from your salary then we actually have more than you!

I’m not saying you shouldn’t do these things but they come, literally, at a cost!

Best thing to do to feel richer BTW would be for you to get a job- also lots of other benefits to you (it always worries me when there’s one high earner and very high outgoings which would be completely unsustainable). What would happen if your DH got ill, had a breakdown or had an affair, or the bottom fell out of his job area?

Why would you expect to be rich under that circumstances?

Yes, it is a huge salary, but wealth doesn't mean what you take home this month, wealth is what you have without this month's salary, wealth is accrued (or accrued by someone else and inherited).
You are at the accruing phase - those 2500£ savings and 3500£ mortgage counts towards that.

And your accruing is relatively slow, only half of the income, because you have significant expenses - 3 sets of school fees.

Your life style will be comparable with one of a pair of 99k earners, or solo parent on 80k who inherited a house in your area and have one instead of three children (the numbers are very vague guesses, just to illustrate).

The good thing is that any income you'd bring can go towards security/savings and luxuries.

This is a strange post. "We spend our money on these things. Where is all our money going?" You've literally listed where it's going? Reduce one or more of your outgoings and you'll have more left over. 🤔

Anyway, I guess this is the sort of thinking that leads Tory MPs to say that they are destitute on their 200k per year salary.

You are counting optional things as necessities.

School Fees are optional. A property with a mortgage of 3.5k is optional etc. Savings are good but still 2.5k of savings a month is still an optional extra many don’t have.

That’s why you don’t “feel” well off.

I never felt well off when I used to go out a lot partying and dining out, had two long haul trips a year but also had a 30% savings rate.

But many others could not afford that.

You are listing all your expenditure but then claim you don’t feel well off because of what you have left AFTER all your spending is complete.

I think a lot of people just see is as money they could be spending now. I only started paying into a pension at 28 (started working at 25) because my employer offered a match scheme and it seemed stupid to leave free money on the table.

But I meet so many people who have money but almost see pension like a tax so they make minimal contributions. Or they see it as admin. My former landlord is mid 50s with a lavish lifestyle and no pension.

So I completely get how OP is in this situation. And her husband likely could not be arsed with the admin.

Well you won't feel "rich", will you? Even though you clearly are.
I mean, it's down to your lifestyle - you're throwing 3 grand on school fees, around 3 grand in savings, over 3 grand on bills.....
Although on the other hand on what planet is £500 each disposable income and 2k left for holidays, clothes etc after all that "not well off?!"
Come on man 😁

Well clearly school fees and a high mortgage are biting chunks out of your income, aren't they? Plus £2k savings per month. You're obviously not going to feel especially well off when these expenses reduce your income to £3.5k a month. I have this amount after my mortgage for just me, and I'm very comfortable despite earning far less than your H. If I was keeping a family of 4 on it, I wouldn't be.

That's how I started too. A nice advert on the intranet that said they'll match up to 10% + an additional 3%. Yes please!

It's just bewildering that you can get to such earning levels and still be so unaware or unbothered. I guess the house can become the pension.

I think to feel 'well off' you need to find yourself a job. That will do it. HTH You're welcome 😊

Well then you both sound incredibly financially naive and irresponsible... we started putting aside money for pensions as soon as we left university, it was only a small amount each month but combined pension pot at 39 is around £500k. My DH now earns a similar amount and we feel very rich indeed, we would not be able to afford private school in the area we live in and properties are very expensive here, but fundamentally we have OPTIONS, as do you. Have you considered returning to work if you want to boost monthly income? Once children are at school you'd be better off working surely.

I find this post so offensive that I could honestly cry.
I have 2 very young children that I would love to stay at home and look after but I cant afford it. I get up and go to work full time, as does my partner and we are only just covering the bare basics. Struggling to find the money for any extra activities, classes or holidays.
You sound unbelievably entitled to whinge about what you have in life when you aren't even financially contributing yourself. Having children does not mean that you can not work, seriously. If you are not happy with your lovely life then put your big girl pants on and get out in the big wide world and do what the rest of us as doing and fucking work for it.

IF this is a real post and not just a way to make me feel even more shit today, you should talk to a financial planner as it seems like neither of you really understand your financial situation or how to make the most of it.

The short answer is that you are choosing 'everything' instead of choosing some things. You have private school 'and' a car payment 'and' some sort of massive mortgage 'and' a massive savings goal 'and' huge amounts of disposable income. So... that's where your money is going. It's just maths. You can choose to carry on like this as you aren't going into debt and say you're happy, or you can choose to stop doing one of these things and have more money for... whatever you think you're missing in life.

It's really, really silly though to come on here to say this isn't enough money to enjoy your life. It's clearly many times more than most people have to think about so not sure what the majority of us could input. I have no idea how I'd spend that but it's not ever going to be relevant to my life anyway so I won't worry about it!

(And with all your kids at school you could go get a job if you really are struggling somehow...?)

You save £2000 a month. You are doing just fine. Take the kids out of private school if you want more disposable income

Take home is approx £12,000 per month.

Mortgage, car and bills: £3,500 per month

£12,000 - £3,500 = £8,500 left over for savings and any extra spends.

You don't need private schools.

The money you have left over (£8500) is the take home of about 3 people BEFORE bills.

I presume this is a wind up or you are tone deaf.

This has to be a joke, right?

Boo fucking hoo

Husband has been earning £180,00 for 15 years and then £250,000 for the last two years. The children are young so presumably OP was working and earning before becoming a SAHM. What have you done with it all?

Where are you going wrong? Either this isn't real or you are utterly feckless with money. If we assume that you need £2k a month for food, clothes and holidays then your "essential outgoings" are £5500 out of a £12k take home. If you can't work out how to manage and provide future financial security with that you are destined to always struggle.

Grew up poor and don't feel comfortable on your current household income my arse.

You don’t think 2K for groceries and £500 each spending money is a lot? 3K is my entire monthly net income 🤣🤣
And you have 2K savings per month on top of that 🤣🤣

If you're saying if DH lost his job tomorrow and you'd be screwed, then your kids shouldn't be in private education. You're outgoings should be the essentials.

I don't believe children should be in private school unless the money for the entirety of their education is benchmarked, in the bank and is for that cost alone.

We shouldn't be putting kids into a school for that to be taken away the moment a parent loses a job or the money runs out. It's not fair on them

So you have 5k to cover food, going out, holidays. Savings is not a necessity. Perhaps you should look at it that way. Of course private school isn’t necessary either so your financial state of not feeling wealthy is because of how you choose to spend the money you have. That’s all.

I think you're answered your own question really. You have a good income, but you spend a lot of it on school fees, and a mortgage in I'm guessing a niceish but expensive area where it's amazing how far your money doesn't actually go. Factor in catch-up of pension and savings and it just all goes, leaving you with an otherwise quite ordinary lifestyle.
Are you also comparing yourself at all to some of your children's friends' families, who are possibly quite wealthy?