HH income of £250k but we don’t feel rich?

[Bdrgvlugcbu]

Not a brag in the slightest! And wouldn’t discuss this non-anonymously.

DH earns just over £250k per year. Has fallen into the role really and is based on natural ability/talent as oppose to lots of hard work and training. He works very long hours though. I’m a SAHM to 3 young children.

Take home is approx £12k per month.

School fees: £3,000 per month
Mortgage, car and bills: £3500 per month
Personal savings £2000 per month
Kids savings: £450 per month
DH and I take: £500 personal money each per month
Leaves us with £2,000 per month for general spending, food shopping, days out, holidays, children’s clothes…

We don’t really go without, but we don’t feel “well off” by any means. Where are we going wrong?!

Put your kids in state school and save less? That gives you £5k per month to play with ✅

But then your little darlings would be uneducated unwashed oiks! And you wouldn’t have any money so you can buy them a house or fund their cushy internship! 😩😩

Why didn’t he pay into a pension before??

And could you find some part-time work to bring in a bit more money?

Also - although apologies for asking, and you of course don’t have to answer - what will happen if you ever divorce? Your DH is earning a shedload of money, but you’re unemployed and not earning anything. What would you get financially in a divorce settlement? If you don’t feel rich now, you sure as hell won’t feel rich then!

What WOULD make you feel "well off"?

If you can afford £3000 a month in school fees, £2000 a month in savings, a £3500 mortgage and £2000 to fritter away, you are well off. Plus £1000 a month "personal money"?

My household income is £20k a year. Work full time. Two children.

You are goady as fuck with your horrible and unnecessary bragging about your wealth and lifestyle. Have a fucking word with yourself. Millions of us are living hand to mouth.

@Bdrgvlugcbu

You are well off.
You are rich.
You are not bad for being either of those things.
But you have absolutely lost any sense of perspective, so much so it's like you believe you are hard done by.

I'd suggest volunteering at a soup kitchen or shelter. I'd suggest really trying to listen to what life is liķe for most and then remembering that what you choose to spend money on (school fees, liķely more expensive cars/house/food than needed etc.) means you have thousands upon thousands a month 'left' and simply spend a fair amount of that on niceties most will never have the option of having. Even without that, you save more than most families bring home and raise their dc on.

Perspective really is everything.

I agree with this completely, and I really would recommend it.

I appreciate my previous posts on here were rude and not very helpful, but the OP really struck a nerve with me (if this is even a genuine thread) because you don’t seem to appreciate just how privileged you are.

Along with what @anon4net suggests, I would also suggest you looking at getting therapy.

I mean this genuinely. You don’t sound happy. I think your posts are telling you that you are unhappy with your life, despite the fact you are extremely rich. Your posts are telling you that you are missing something, although you are very comfortably off.

Maybe it’s because you grew up very poor (as you say) but are now very wealthy? Maybe it’s because you’re very wealthy but you didn’t earn your wealth (ie your husband did)? Maybe you resent that your husband works and you’re looking after the kids at home? Maybe you dislike your current life? Maybe you’re not in love with your husband but feel like you have to stay with him for the money and lifestyle? It could be any, all or none of these things.

You are lucky to have the money to find a good therapist (although good ones don’t actually cost a huge amount). You can find good ones from about £50 a hour, even in expensive cities. Do check out the BACP website site to find a registered therapist.

Good luck.

Anyone interested in starting a #gofundme for poor OP?

You clearly do since you’re saving at least £3k a month which is more than many families earn at all. Savings come out of money left over.

You have a £3500 mortgage. That's a pricey house!

No, 3.5k is for the mortgage, bills & car…

Get a part-time job, meet different people - this will hopefully change your perspective.

It comes across that you are obsessed with money and don't appreciate what you have. Having a job/different purpose may widen your horizons and take away the focus from materialistic things.

Your DH was silly to not pay into a pension previously. Think of all the tax offset he's lost too!

As PP have said, private school for primary is unnecessary.

This. Surely you have massive savings if he was earning 180k pre kids, you live in a semi and still have a mortgage?

I’ve just paid off my mortgage,have no saving at all,no pension 4 kids 11 grandkids.And I feel well off .2k a month saving hahahaha oh I bring in about 2k a month! Blood hell

I don't know if I believe that the OP is genuine but threads like these do shine a spotlight on just how wide the gap between wealthy and poor is becoming in this country.

Whether the OP is one of not, there are people with HH incomes like that who don't regard them selves as well off while many other working people are struggling to buy food & pay basic bills.

And the gap is just getting wider.

I suspect you have a high income but maybe don't have a lot of equity in your house and little in savings and investments. I can understand why somebody earning this sort of money would expect to have a detached house and garden. And the thing is that a high salary of this sort a generation or two ago would have gone much further - certainly to a detached house and at least one nice car and a live in nanny.

I have a job that gives me an insight into a lot of people's finances. There is a particular type of high earner - usually started out poor and then they or typically he start earning decent money which initially makes them feel rich. Their aspirations change and the first thing is that the children end up in private schools, then there are expensive sports (skiing is particularly ruinous), and then the better house (and then the renovations to the kitchen which involve enormously expensive German appliances and marble) and by about this stage they discover that the money doesn't stretch quite as far as they imagined Although your husband's salary is £250,000 gross, it is about £144,000 in the hand.

You have to decide if a private primary school is important to you. One of my children did want to attend a private school and it turned out appallingly. They left and went back to the local state school and I don't blame them as their classmates were a fairly appalling bunch and their teacher was particularly useless. They needed remedial maths tutoring to get up to standard in maths. The maths tutor was utterly puzzled because he couldn't understand how a really bright child had ever got behind in the first place and I gathered that it was some of the easiest money he'd ever earned.. The bright child is now in the final year of a medical degree so he really was bright and he has also has a bachelors degree with a minor in statistics. Private schools are probably best for getting the best possible results for an average child - less so for children who need a lot of extra help or children who are exceptional to begin with.

Yes, I can understand why you don't feel super rich because you are not. You save about £30,000 a year but if you have limited equity in the house and no pension provision then it is going to take quite a while to be asset rich as well as income rich.

Compared to the vast majority of people you are well off but looking at the nitty gritty of it, I can understand why you feel the way you do. My personal advice would be to consider whether you need children in a private primary school and see what expenses you can reduce to get a cushion of capital. If your husband lost his job tomorrow or he had an episode of ill health I suspect you would be in for a world of pain. I am not religious but the seven good years followed by the seven bad years does spring to mind. I am a solicitor and my children wore op shop clothes fairly solidly in their early years. I once found myself at a church jumble sale and the women next to me was the wife of a legal partner in a very well respected firm who was snapping up what she considered utter bargains for her brood and she was utterly unashamed about it and good for her.

I live in a beautiful detached house in a very nice area with a lovely if somewhat overgrown garden. I have investments which would enable me to retire whenever I wanted given that I am over 60. My husband has already retired in his early 60s. I am about to fly out for 10 days in an all inclusive and beautiful resort in a tropical location accompanied by my husband and adult children. I have reached this point by being very tightfisted in the early years. I guess my point is that you are not yet genuinely well off and you shouldn't think you are.

You spend more on Private schools and cars then my family's monthly income.

You don't need to be doing either of those things.

Get over yourself, and count your financial blessings. Jeez 🙄

Most people don't save £2k a month, privately educate what sounds like primary school children and afford for one person to not have to work and still get a pension and generous spending allowance. If you made different choices with that money you might have more of the trappings of wealth. You are rich. You choose to spend your money in different ways.

You feel poor because you don’t yet have a quarter of a million in savings?

This has got to be a joke 😂

Do we all love a bit of rage bait?! 😂

Really?

I felt wealthy the first time I didn’t have to stress about replacing an appliance or fixing the car if there was a problem. Long before I became a high earner.

I’ve always earned my money perhaps that’s what helps. I know how much work went into obtaining it and how much my effort enriches my life and my family’s lives.

You do get the odd tale of a family on say over £100k morrgaged up to the hilt in london with kids in nursery and think ok they have a point. But this thread is very baity. Probably a teenager who's bored.

Agree it's all relative though. After 6 months on the dole and back in paid work I remember buying the first not-absolutely-essential item, a pyjama top of all things in next, and feeling as rich as Jeff Bezos!

You do! You put it in yours and your kids savings account!

@Bdrgvlugcbu you only feel like you are not well off as you have your children in private school so alot of your income isnt available for spending or saving. 3 kids x 20 -30k a year when they are at secondary will be a huge pain. So get used to it now.

Huge chunks into savings, for valid reasons and a mortgage on a 4 bed rhat allows you all to have a room - again valid reason...

However...

You are very well off an you know it.

The list above is full of choices

Choices are a luxury