Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

[seasonofthebitch]

Just wanted to update the previous thread…

I’m about to get on the train home after lovely weekend with my sister. I’m more certain now of my boundaries and what I will and won’t accept. I expect this will lead to the end of the marriage.

DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”. He’s taken DSD AGAIN to his gym for 3 hours and will be going to take her again tonight for 2 hours as I’m “not back in time”.

Youd think for one weekend he’d have sacked off the gym. Poor DSD.

When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too!

Im having a conversation with him tonight about our future. Feeling ok about it but also prepared for some backlash… coming back here to keep me focused!

JFC, OP.

I read the final updates on your previous thread and now this and I'm mortified.

Your husband is a shit human being. Shit father, shit husband and a selfish prick in general.

I honestly cannot see any other way than to report both parents to social services, it's not just this poor little girl's mother who is an abysmal parent. It's your husband too.

You can't stay and sacrifice your life and chances of having a happy family in the future. You have to leave and not even consider having children with that prick.

I honestly think the best option for your DSD would be a foster family that would actually show love and interest in her, her so-called parents are nothing else than an waste of space incubator and sperm donor.

How sad, for you and for her. You need to be free, and she needs heavy involvement of SS.

He’s an incompetent, irresponsible, angry, vindictive, immature person. If you have the opportunity to leave, take it. I don’t know why anyone would choose to stay with such a person.

Good. Sorry OP but I was afraid he was going to play perfect dad/husband for a couple of weeks to reel you in again. But no, he's showing his true colours which is good. This will make you able to clearly see things for what they are: shit. I just wish this little girl was in the middle of it 😥. But don't let that stop you from leaving this piece of shit man. Do contact SS though when you have left.

Go and stay with a friend for a few days so you don't have to look at him or his mess.

Take photos of the state of the house and note all his crappy behaviours for SS record.

He clearly doesn’t see you as being a partner, he sees you as a servant and his DD as a hindrance.

amazed at his disrespect

bet as a gastro registrar you have been bank rolling his gym work

I think in years to come you will be able to unemotionally analyse this relationship and think ‘what the absolute fuck was I doing.’

Poor child. He's an absolute waste of space.

btw do you mean he's put her worn clothes into a bath full of used bathwater and left them there?!

I get he's not cleared up after himself re dishes, etc and is a lazy sod. That's one (unacceptable) thing. But the only reason I can think he's chucking clothes into dirty bathwater is to make an inconvenient and dramatic mess that he expects you to clear up. It's not something that can be labelled 'lazy' like the dishes, it's calculated and malicious.

Does he think this shit will win you back in some way, put you in your place or something? He sounds spectacularly stupid as well as incredibly selfish and a crap father.

This is awful, Op, what a total shithead and waste of space he is.

My god he's so selfish it's unbelievable. He's gaslighting you too.

He's made his child spend what little time she has with him, sat in a fucking gym. And he has the CHEEK to blame you?!

What a terrible, terrible father.

Sorry was typing quickly, I meant he’d left the dirty clothes on the floor and the bath tub full!

Ah, ok that makes more sense! 😂

Still shitty, lazy, entitled behaviour, but not as aggressive as I was imagining!

Leaving a bathtub full is a safeguarding issue too if DSD is 5, pretty sure this father of the year wasn't with her all the time, was he.

Was his back aching from exercising or what exactly prevented him from unplugging it? Oh wait, no, another abusive tactic against you. C*nt.

Why am I not surprised that he’s produced more shitty behaviour??

These Men honestly enrage me!!

Even though it’s HIS daughter he still doesn’t see it as HIS job.

Get out. You can still see DSD, but I’d do it on her mom’s time to be honest, but I am petty!

It’s the tip of a shit mountain. Is that a phrase?!

Part of me turned a blind eye to laziness at the start. Then as I said the caretaking responsibility slid in.

Hes more “senior” than me in his role, and I think he hates I’m a medic.

DSD loves him, but she’ll start to notice that mummy and daddy pass the buck with her. Very sad.

I won’t speak to him tonight, I’ll just get angry and I want to be calm and clear with him. Plus, it’s important to me that DSD isn’t here when we have the chat as I’m sure he’ll shout, and it’s not fair on her. I’ll take her to school as usual tomorrow, go to work and then when I come in say what I need to say.

Im shocked I’ve ended up here, but there you go! Life passes you by quickly and before you know it you’re the unpaid nanny to a failed adult’s (lovely) little one.

Sounds like a plan OP - well done on keeping DSD out of the shouting

Conscious incompetence at its finest.

it will only get worse when they’re this selfish. My ex bought toddler DC a gym membership for DC, himself and DSC for DC birthday. Twat.

Can you message the mother of this little girl and let her know she’s with an incompetent father. I hope you leave this man and find true happiness. He clearly can’t cope alone with this child 50/50. He should be able to care for her alone. This poor child doesn’t belong in a gym while her dad works out Evening. Very sad reading.

OP, funny that he managed to find 5 hours of time to go to the gym today but not to buy bread for his own child.

That’s exactly the kind of thing my now ex husband would do when I left him with our children… he thought the fact he couldn’t cope without him would make him more appealing to stay married to. In fact it was the opposite.

Fucking hell. I am glued to this.

As everyone else has said- you sound absolutely amazing as does your lovely DSD.
Sending you virtual support.

prepare for “you never liked her anyways” blah blah blah. He will try and gaslight you in every way possible.

you’ve got this!x

DSD mum doesn’t/wont interact with me! I asked for her number at drop off but she said contact me through DH. Even though I think an adult looking after your child probably needs your number in case of emergency but hey ho

She sounds just as bad as your DH, tbh. Totally irresponsible and unsuitable to be a parent.

I would write her a letter. Let her know just how incompetent and unfit he is to be a parent.

Im shocked I’ve ended up here, but there you go! Life passes you by quickly and before you know it you’re the unpaid nanny to a failed adult’s (lovely) little one.

Boiled frog