Page 25 | Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

seasonofthebitch · 2026-01-18T16:18:11+00:00

Just wanted to update the previous thread… I’m about to get on the train home after lovely weekend with my sister. I’m more certain now of my boundaries and what I will and won’t accept. I expect this will lead to the end of the marriage. DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”. He’s taken DSD AGAIN to his gym for 3 hours and will be going to take her again tonight for 2 hours as I’m “not back in time”. Youd think for one weekend he’d have sacked off the gym. Poor DSD. When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too! Im having a conversation with him tonight about our future. Feeling ok about it but also prepared for some backlash… coming back here to keep me focused!

BandedSnail · 19/01/2026 20:08

By 'lonely' does he mean 'not enough sex'?

socialdilemmawhattodo · 19/01/2026 20:08

RedToothBrush · 19/01/2026 19:54

but still slept with him and gave him sex when he pestered me for it.

This is sexual abuse.

He sexually abused you. You only had sex under duress because he coerced you. That's not consent.

He emotionally abused you with this whole speech. Any feelings you have are invalid. He is telling you this is the way it is and you must suck it up.

I feel like I do stuff to provide a nice life for us and you don’t see it.
This is code for 'i get paid shit loads. You should be grateful'. This is bordering into financial abuse because of the emotional manipulation with it.

He isn't listening to you at all. He is right, you are wrong.

This isn't about the childcare. This is about this being a relationship where he doesn't see you as equal. You are his support human. You are secondary to his wants and demands. His daughter is a nuisance but a great little fuck trophy to show off how wonderful he is as a Dad both for his own ego and to put a show on to the world.

I have a feeling in the end this isn't going to be a hard decision to make. I also think when you talk to your sister when the divorce is all done and dusted she'll tell you what she thought of him when you married him and it's not going to be pretty. I suspect she's had the measure of him for a while and has been waiting for the penny to drop with you.

I wouldn't worry about him either. He'll get Mummy to babysit whilst he dates and have a replacement for you lined up within a year. You are disposable and are just there for the job description.

His response tells you a lot.

There's something notable in what you've said his monologue is - there's something significant missing. Not once do you mention him saying he loves you. He may have done, but you've not said it - if he did it's not registered in your response here so you clearly don't feel it. Instead all his responses are transactional in terms of usefulness to the relationship. He views his contribution as 'stuff' not love and time. He expects you to be supportive but sees your career and your exams as a nuisance to his lifestyle, therefore he doesn't need to be supportive. It's all one way traffic.

However you try and cut it the man is a massive narcissist and you can't avoid that.

Is there room for you in your relationship with his own ego? I sincerely doubt it.

Your divorce will get nasty if this is just the start. Get prepared.

This is an excellent post. My value to my now-ex husband was transactional only. He was difficult about everything during the divorce. So be well prepared.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/01/2026 20:08

His working point would be valid if he was making money from it. He’s not so that’s not the case here. So it’s a hobby. He is choosing to do it. So, void.

his getting up point would be valid if he was doing 100% of it and the other parent did nothing ever. But that’s not the case here. He’s doing 50% max as the other parent is doing the other 50%. And outside of getting up with her, her unrelated step mum and his mum do far more parenting than him. So, void.

what were his other blindingly selfish points? Oh yes.

you wearing ear plugs is because he snores and eats his dinner in bed when you’re asleep. So they’re a result of his selfishness.

he might have got the good grades you require at school to study medicine, but you can buy that with privilege, not intelligence. his emotional IQ is zero. The way he is unable to see this from your perspective or his daughters is staggeringly dim.

muggart · 19/01/2026 20:11

he sounds deranged

Lastgig · 19/01/2026 20:18

I'm going to ask a difficult question. I recall that the biological parents didn't plan ths pregnancy (this from your first thread ). Did they ever live as a family after the birth ? I am concerned that child will remain unwanted and as she gets older she will know. The incident with the bio mothers boyfriend is also concerning. Any decent father would have had his balls. Safeguarding indeed.

The mother doesnt want to engage with you, is she a party girl who spends all weekend on the booze (my sister was , her adult dc are still feeling the effects ) ?

My bff acts as a de facto parent to an Exs DD. Both don't want her (one's in the gym, the other drunk /high). My friend does school runs, uniform, homework. The child asked to be adopted!
I doubt any court in the land would grant you that but it would be in the child's best interests. I'd probably tell him if he doesnt want her you'll do a Matilda but without him!

JayJayj · 19/01/2026 20:19

So he’s decided you’re the problem because you told him you’re unhappy.

No wonder you walked out. I don’t even know how to respond!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/01/2026 20:21

It’s lonely at the gym-don’t go then. Stay home with me and have a relationship with me.
I’m lonely dealing with my daughter-erm, she is company, appreciate her.
I’m lonely because you study for your necessary exams and don’t give me sex post my eating dinner in bed at 11pm
I’m so tired with the gym, work and DD-well work is your profession and brings our money in, DD is your daughter and the gym is a hobby-not a business. It’s only a business if you earn from it and you don’t

Takeoutyourhen · 19/01/2026 20:23

Good for you OP, although I can see this cretin making life difficult for a while, you will have a much better life for leaving him. He’s shown you what he is like but also fear that he is yet to show you his true colours in his entirety.
He has managed to make it all your fault and is all woe is me, from the sounds of it, probably because you haven’t slept together very recently. As someone has said, he sounds very transactional and used to getting his own way.

Anyahyacinth · 19/01/2026 20:27

seasonofthebitch · 19/01/2026 19:33

I’m sitting in the car in disbelief, there was no shouting, but it was just so odd.

My “ah-ha” moment was actually 2 weeks before my exams when I got quinsy and had to stay in hospital overnight. DH said he felt like I didn’t want him there (i actually just asked him to leave whilst they drained the cyst). Got home the next day, sat with DSD, and then studied. And I just thought fuck this life. So maybe I have been more distant with him who knows.

It’s not the fucking issue though. If I was cared for, appreciated and felt like I was his actual wife I wouldn’t have been distant.

im in work tomorrow and family far away so cant get there. Will just go back before he gets back from the gym, set myself up in the spare room and try to sleep. Divorce lawyers emails were sent on my break at work.

Feels surreal. Not even cried yet.

How on EARTH does he think you feel being left alone night after night?

What a total hypocrite he is.

Please think about checking he is actually where he claims to be ...he sounds a very dodgy character

Sorry OP you've given and given ...anyone can see that ...he is utterly self centred

💐💐💐💐 I feel desperately sorry that DSD is related to this neglectful man
Imagine the genders reversed and a Mum left their child with a step Dad night after night and weekends

Gonners · 19/01/2026 20:28

If you're looking for any kind of empathy or consideration from this sorry excuse for a man, you're going to need to get him referred to what the Americans call a proctologist. I don't know exactly how medical training works, but do you work in the same hospital at the moment and, if so, are you due for a rotation? If so, this might be an opportunity to move away.

MO0N · 19/01/2026 20:44

Godspeed you on your way out of this relationship @seasonofthebitch

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/01/2026 20:48

seasonofthebitch · 19/01/2026 19:38

I never thought I’d be strong enough to walk away but I know I will now.

It is hard. I was the same and now almost 2yrs split and divorce on the way

no one wants to get divorced @seasonofthebitchbut sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to 💐

Breadcat24 · 19/01/2026 20:49

I am so sorry you and your DSD are in this situation with this completely self centred individual

Daleksatemyshed · 19/01/2026 20:55

RedToothBrush · 19/01/2026 19:55

There is a very effective treatment.

It's like when you get a gangrenous leg. You chop it off. He's the gangrenous leg in the OPs life. She chops it off so she can live.

Show quote history

Well it's handy the Ops a medic isn't it?

Emigree · 19/01/2026 21:04

Tell me he is a management or IT consultant or something and not in clinical work?

Because if he is a medical consultant then he will have been through medical training, junior and registrar level jobs and to progress will have developed some proven transferable skills like time and task management, situational awareness, planning and empathy, and probably some ability to function on limited sleep when necessary. (just as I am sure you have in your training)

Which makes his failure to care and plan for his daughter even worse - his behaviour towards her and weaponised incompetence in childcare/house management is absolutely a choice.

grumpygrape · 19/01/2026 21:16

Emigree · 19/01/2026 21:04

Tell me he is a management or IT consultant or something and not in clinical work?

Because if he is a medical consultant then he will have been through medical training, junior and registrar level jobs and to progress will have developed some proven transferable skills like time and task management, situational awareness, planning and empathy, and probably some ability to function on limited sleep when necessary. (just as I am sure you have in your training)

Which makes his failure to care and plan for his daughter even worse - his behaviour towards her and weaponised incompetence in childcare/house management is absolutely a choice.

I think he was sick on the day they did empathy.

rainonfriday · 19/01/2026 21:17

seasonofthebitch · 19/01/2026 19:09

I had to walk out the house mid conversation.

As I’m still in training, I had exams recently, and spent a lot of time studying for them (obviously). This led me to being “less available” for babysitting, general day to day talking about DP or checking in with him.

i started saying “I love dsd, I’ve been happy to help when i can but I feel like that’s been taken advantage of and to be honest i feel like my parenting values do not align with yours. I feel disrespected, undermined, under appreciated and mostly just really unhappy. I can’t see how this can be resolved.”

DP seemingly heard none of this and launched into a monologue

Specifically he said:

I never asked you to be DSD mum. But it would help if you did stuff to help with her because I would feel less lonely. Waking up with a child is hard work and lonely and you get to lay in bed.
Work, DSD, gym are all hard work. Im just so exhausted and tired.
I feel lonely because I go to the gym on my own all the time. I’m trying to make a business but it’s still lonely
I feel lonely because when you are studying you don’t have time for me (nb: “time” here almost definitely means sex)
I feel lonely because you never once ask me how things are going at the training gym. You’re not interested. I feel like I do stuff to provide a nice life for us and you don’t see it.
sleeping with earplugs in is dismissive

Ive never been more open mouthed. I didn’t have the words. I just got my keys and walked out the house. I didn’t even understand what was being said to me.

To clarify, I do sleep with earplugs in as he snores, I was preoccupied with my exams but still slept with him and gave him sex when he pestered me for it. And no I don’t ask about his gym stuff, mainly because it’s a hindrance in our life.

There’s no discussion to be had. Hes doubling down and rewriting everything like in the selfish one.

That insecure hole where his soul ought to be is the size of the Bermuda triangle, ain't nobody filling that up.

And...you're supposed to be available to him even while you sleep?! 🥴 Yeh...he don't want a wife, he wants a wifebot.

Figures. He barely qualifies as human himself.

nolongersurprised · 19/01/2026 21:18

Emigree · 19/01/2026 21:04

Tell me he is a management or IT consultant or something and not in clinical work?

Because if he is a medical consultant then he will have been through medical training, junior and registrar level jobs and to progress will have developed some proven transferable skills like time and task management, situational awareness, planning and empathy, and probably some ability to function on limited sleep when necessary. (just as I am sure you have in your training)

Which makes his failure to care and plan for his daughter even worse - his behaviour towards her and weaponised incompetence in childcare/house management is absolutely a choice.

A lot of male orthopaedic surgeons are gymbros

lifewillopenup · 19/01/2026 21:20

I can well imagine that besides her unpaid nannying, he saw the OP as the right sort of wife for his Majesty the great consultant.

But with no intention of supporting her career-building, or a life of her own, since her main role should be consultant's wife and mother to consultant's child.

What did/does the child's mother do for a living? Why did the relationship end in the early stages of pregnancy?

Emigree · 19/01/2026 21:20

I was betting on othopod or neurosurgeon 🤔

TiredCatLady · 19/01/2026 21:22

Been following this from your first thread OP. What a monumentally selfish, arrogant, self absorbed piece of shit he is. He’s lonely is he? Fucking wanker.

You can, and will do so much better.

I don’t know where in the country you are - do you have somewhere to crash tonight so you don’t have to face going back to that fuckwit? (Who will inevitably try to keep you talking with his monologue of self pity)

UninitendedShark · 19/01/2026 21:29

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 19/01/2026 19:21

Well he is making your decision easier.

This is my thoughts too.

Has he always been so utter self-centred?

rainonfriday · 19/01/2026 21:31

Lastgig · 19/01/2026 20:18

I'm going to ask a difficult question. I recall that the biological parents didn't plan ths pregnancy (this from your first thread ). Did they ever live as a family after the birth ? I am concerned that child will remain unwanted and as she gets older she will know. The incident with the bio mothers boyfriend is also concerning. Any decent father would have had his balls. Safeguarding indeed.

The mother doesnt want to engage with you, is she a party girl who spends all weekend on the booze (my sister was , her adult dc are still feeling the effects ) ?

My bff acts as a de facto parent to an Exs DD. Both don't want her (one's in the gym, the other drunk /high). My friend does school runs, uniform, homework. The child asked to be adopted!
I doubt any court in the land would grant you that but it would be in the child's best interests. I'd probably tell him if he doesnt want her you'll do a Matilda but without him!

Edited

And what about what OP wants? I'm not seeing her having any desire to adopt this child who already has two parents (at least one of which probably wants her for the benefit entitlements, else they could have aborted/adopted a long time ago if they didn't want her). All I'm seeing is post after post from people wanting OP to take this child on so they don't have to worry about what happens to her themselves. She's not OPs child and she's not OPs responsibility. There's realistically nothing she can do that doesn't involve making her own life a lot worse. She already works in medicine presumably doing things to help people all day every day. It's not like she's a selfish twat who does no good in the world. She deserves a free pass to sidestep this situation guilt free. She's not doing anything wrong in walking away.

Daytimetellyqueen · 19/01/2026 21:32

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/01/2026 19:37

For 'lonely' read:

'theres no one here to cheer-lead and award me with a Chufty Badge for doing the shit I should be doing as a parent and functioning adult'.

That's his issue. He has his head so far up his arse he can't even begin to spot your issue!

This!

Your future self will thank you Op - you’re doing the right thing.

lifewillopenup · 19/01/2026 21:35

If he's lonely, it's because he treats people as a means to an end and has no friends.