Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

[seasonofthebitch]

Just wanted to update the previous thread…

I’m about to get on the train home after lovely weekend with my sister. I’m more certain now of my boundaries and what I will and won’t accept. I expect this will lead to the end of the marriage.

DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”. He’s taken DSD AGAIN to his gym for 3 hours and will be going to take her again tonight for 2 hours as I’m “not back in time”.

Youd think for one weekend he’d have sacked off the gym. Poor DSD.

When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too!

Im having a conversation with him tonight about our future. Feeling ok about it but also prepared for some backlash… coming back here to keep me focused!

So he is a meathead consultant who thinks he should bark and everyone else should jump.

arsehole

You can be jacked, dangerous, violent and intelligent. Being intelligent isn't a bar to being a meathead gym goer...

How sad. He is obviously very intelligent but lacks any caring qualities which you would have hoped he would have in his profession. So sorry for you Op and the little girl.

@seasonofthebitch

Glad you're seeing a divorce solicitor. Just remember to keep that to yourself until you've got those ducks in a row.

Sorry to suggest it but if he gets suspicious, play along if you have to. If you've definitely decided to leave, it'll only be temporary and may allay suspicions. I'd also suggest you secure any documentation on joint assets, like house deeds and banking documents. If you can't actually move them, take pictures of them and upload to a secure file. From what you've said about him, he's going to be furious to lose his unpaid nanny. When self-centred men like him get angry, they turn vindictive.

It’s a horrible thought that someone with an attitude and outlook like his could be a consultant

Good luck op, I hope the divorce hoes as smoothly as possible for you!

Bit confused as to how things got this bad. Surely a consultant can afford childcare, not to mention couples counselling.

There's nothing confusing about it. Why would he pay when he can manipulate someone into doing it for free?

As I tell my DC frequently: there’s a world of difference between being well educated and being intelligent. I could run through a list of Oxbridge/Ivy educated people as long as my arm none of whom I’d call intelligent. Equally, some of the smartest people I know never went to university.

His occupation has nothing to do with anything. He’s fundamentally unintelligent and immature, not an evolved human (sorry I keep repeating myself). He can’t even do the necessary to ensure his own future is rosy, let alone his child’s or wife’s. Just yuck.

Oh goodness, he’s not a surgeon is he!?

Hes a consultant so could be anything.
He part owns the gym

So I thought he was a meathead, but now that we know that he has intellect, this somehow makes it even worse.

The OP cannot be held responsible for other people's lack of reading comprehension.

He doesn't own the gym. He appears to have a fitness business as a sideline to his hospital consultancy work, and he goes to the gym to try to drum up business for that (so he says).

Is he really that dumb that he thinks your response to this would be "Oh dear, I'd better not leave him in charge again. I'll stay home in future!" Rather than just being put off having a future with him?

Ew, is he an ortho bro? 🤢

Interesting! Most consultants I know have a side-hustle: working in private health care and bringing in a fortune. Odd to have a side hustle in the gym that takes so much time and brings in no money.

@seasonofthebitch Does he picture himself as the next Rangang Chatterjee, Chris van Tulleken, or Joe Wicks. Is he building his 'client list' ready to launch his world famous podcast and tour the world as a motivational speaker?

God.... this guy is such a loser.

What kind of consultant dr needs to drum up business at a gym.
I assumed he was the owner and doing paperwork or some shit

That poor little girl...

Honestly what does his job role matter to this? It’s irrelevant, he’s still a lazy twat who is forcing his wife to be a unpaid nanny.

Well being a consultant certainly doesn't help in his case, we all like to think people in medicine are kind, compassionate souls but it's not always true, it's certainly not true with him. What he has is a big, big ego, he's the perfect man in his eyes,well educated, good professional job, decent salary and he keeps himself very fit so obviously the Op is very lucky to have him, all he expects in return is that she's happy to have NO life except work, housework and childcare.

This thread has made me quite sad. I read this and seeing all the 'he must be thick' posts was shocking/saddening, and now with people changing their minds because hes a doctor! I didn't realise people still made such value judgements based on someones profession.

My partner is a PT and utterly lovely so maybe Im being extra sensitive, but I am sure I wouldn't have thought like this before him. I do work with DV victims though, so Im well aware that aggressive, abusive, cruel men come from every walk of life.

It does fit though they do tend to be more arrogant and I’m always right types. Not all but most.

FWIW my DP had a mental health crisis 7 years ago, got into the gym for his mental health and it changed his life. That led him to change his whole career to become a PT, and he helps people in a similar boat now and also helps people on the spectrum regulate their emotions via exercise. Hes incredibly bright, compassionate, kind and with a lot of knowledge around mental health and physical movement, Im super proud of him.

Probably dates back to

Those who can teach. Those who can’t teach pe.

Plus the general meatheadness of many Gym bros and most small gym owners are because they love the gym in a gym bro or meathead way.

I have a female friend who was a PT she left due to the gym bro men.

Mine preferred words as weapons... until that didn't work any more. OP should still watch her back, regardless of how he's been up to now.

@amibeingaknob good point. My dh is pretty “thick” academically at least 🤣 but has been a fantastic dad to ds(21).

Worked PT during the week to spend time with ds before he started school, taking him out to parks etc every day, and then caught up with work to at weekends. Bathtime was his time with ds every night for years. He couldn’t help him when it got to exam years as he had left school with no qualifications, but he was there supporting making dinner while me and ds tried to work out physics!