Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

[seasonofthebitch]

Just wanted to update the previous thread…

I’m about to get on the train home after lovely weekend with my sister. I’m more certain now of my boundaries and what I will and won’t accept. I expect this will lead to the end of the marriage.

DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”. He’s taken DSD AGAIN to his gym for 3 hours and will be going to take her again tonight for 2 hours as I’m “not back in time”.

Youd think for one weekend he’d have sacked off the gym. Poor DSD.

When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too!

Im having a conversation with him tonight about our future. Feeling ok about it but also prepared for some backlash… coming back here to keep me focused!

The joke goes 'What's the difference between God and a consultant?'

Reply: 'God knows that he is not a consultant.'

Do NOT be drawn back in, OP. Even after you've left, even after you've divorced, he will try to keep you on side as default childcare. Don't do it.

Why didn't you just say that ages ago? So many posters assuming you're the brains of the outfit and he's just a thick meathead who's intimidated by your academic success.

Anything else we need to know?

No, you’re not entitled to know every detail of my life. I responded to a poster who guessed it. Does it change your view that he’s more senior than me? (Which I did post actually).

I didn’t post it before because it was outing. Now I couldn’t care less.

OP. Please ignore that post, this is completely irrelevant! And rude, btw!

Well he would want to be very careful in how he treats you.
Any hint of aggression towards you, call the police.

You married down.
I now believe him to be a narcissist.
Medicine is full of them and divorce.

Mind yourself OP.
He can afford childcare.

His seniority, such as it is, is workplace related, so to me, not really relevant as this is about his lack of parenting outside his working hours. Is he really thinking of jacking in the consultant post to do gym work? Lunatic if so.

It doesn't change anything. I think it's actually worse that he's supposed to be intelligent because that makes his behaviour even worse.

For the record I support you 100% but I still feel posters have made assumptions about your husband's intelligence. I've read all your posts btw, and certainly don't think you should share any more detail than you're comfortable with.

I had often wondered about the marriages of some male NHS Consultants i had met. Couldn't imagine how they could keep a woman in a relationship unless it was coercive control or similar power/mind games.

So sorry he turned out to be one of those.

Agreed. However we're free to make assumptions re his emotional intelligence, which seems to be zero, and is relevant!

What does his intelligence have to do with the fact he's a prick?

Not much, but as a pp said it makes his behaviour even more calculated if anything. He's a narcissistic prick for sure.

I think it changes that we don't need to worry so much about him becoming violent or dangerous when OP gives him the news, now that we know he's a relatively sane man and not some steroid-addled gym gorilla.

I don't, he could be just as prone to violence as a gym goer. I don't get the feeling from the OP that he is like that, more preferring words as his weapons, but intelligence in a narrow field doesn't stop people being violent.

There’s a whole other thread. That’s why the title is ‘part 2’ . Plenty of info in there.

It is absolutely not true that educated or intelligent men can’t be violent or abusive. They absolutely can be, and better at covering up what they do too.

Absolutely spot on.

Wtf???

Yeah, what I meant was that he's probably intelligent enough to not give OP any cause to involve the police in their breakup as that would surely be very damaging to his career.

Indeed. I think it is time for her nap.

You can't hold the OP responsible for assumptions that YOU have made about her husband's intelligence!

I've read both threads in their entirety. It's never been clear that this hideous man is a medical consultant. Many posters have assumed he is OP's intellectual inferior. It doesn't change any of the actions OP should take, it just puts a different slant on the kind of man she's dealing with.

@seasonofthebitch , i think you have misunderstood. I thought @Isittimeformynapyet was being sarcastic. That's how i read it.

So sorry this is happening OP.

I can remember reading a quote which is very true in this case something like - a divorced man is like a rescue dog. He looks house-trained and probably has his own house and bed but the problems will show up afterwards.