Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

[seasonofthebitch]

Just wanted to update the previous thread…

I’m about to get on the train home after lovely weekend with my sister. I’m more certain now of my boundaries and what I will and won’t accept. I expect this will lead to the end of the marriage.

DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”. He’s taken DSD AGAIN to his gym for 3 hours and will be going to take her again tonight for 2 hours as I’m “not back in time”.

Youd think for one weekend he’d have sacked off the gym. Poor DSD.

When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too!

Im having a conversation with him tonight about our future. Feeling ok about it but also prepared for some backlash… coming back here to keep me focused!

I agree, that's terrible advice. Leave the child out of it.

I expect he wanted 50:50 to avoid paying maintenance but always intended to parachute in a woman from somewhere to do the parenting.

I cannot argue with any of the above.

He sounds utterly blinkered, selfish, self absorbed and lazy. He is treating you like his housekeeper/nanny, just there to facilitate his lifestyle, which is all about him.

Troll hunting is against the rules you surely know that. If you want to "question the validity" you report. And you will know that to.

When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too!
Not normal at all. My late dh was fine taking out dc without me.

I genuinely wasn't aware it was against guidelines. As stated in my last comment, i will respect the guidelines going forward Pinky..

My assumption is that the poor little girl has been dumped on a female member of staff in an office area.

Why wouldn’t the default have been him staying off with her, her actual parent!

apart from anything else, speciality training years are not the ones when you can afford any unnecessary days off.

I'm glad you had a good time at your sisters. You do need out of this marriage as its not one really.

I'm not sure how a doctor can be junior to a non medic. Has Prince Charming put that in your head?
You have to be seriously clever just to get into med school (I have a trainee doctor DD). It smacks of putting you in your place.
If it helps my late father was my mum's third husband. The last and fhe best!
Good luck. X

Just letting you know that when I was new to Mumsnet, I had my account blocked/suspended because I made two posts along the lines of "Spotted the t....".

I hadn't realised that HQ had sent me an email warning me after the first post - I had used a different email account from my main one. They'd also sent an email after the second post.

I got it sorted out - HQ was actually very understanding when I explained and apologised.

Just mentioning this in case you've missed a warning email.

He sounds like an unbelievable prick. I wouldn't stay a moment longer. Well done OP. That poor little girl

Poor little girl, dragged about to the gym all weekend as an afterthought to 2 dysfunctional parents.
It sounds as though his mother has the measure of him if she's now refusing to do the parenting for him.
I think your relationship might still be over, but for his daughters sake I would try and liase with his mother before you leave, for both of you to tell him he is a selfish manchild who is failing his daughter, and he needs to grow up and prioritise parenting her over his gym life.

When you talk to him be clear - the problem is not his daughter or being a step mother to her, you were always willing to accept him and his child as a unit and married him on this basis.

The problem is him and his selfish neglect of his daughter - it seems that he doesn't see himself as a parent or part of a family and this has caused you to see him differently, and realise he is not the man you fell in love with, could respect or consider as a father to your children in the future. If he continues to prioritise 'networking' for some gym bro fantasy 'job' over the needs and development of his daughter, a time limited situation with no opportunity of a 'do over' then he will lose you, damage his daughter and live with his regrets when he eventually grows up and realises what his actions led to.

It's good you dont have kids with him OP. He'd probably want 50:50 but be trying to find women to care for your kids during his 50%.

You 100% doing the right thing but it’s such a shame DSD has two useless parents.
Hope her grandma is looking after her so you don’t have to miss work.
I hope you find happiness with another relationship in the future, but don’t settle again, you deserve to be treated with respect.

I don’t think he owns the gym. He owns a fitness business and goes to the gym to “network”. IIRC from the first thread, this networking for hours on end has resulted in no new business.

This is very possible, they tend to be rather germy places.
This bloke is not very bright, he's a one trick pony, his only game is to keep doubling down.
He'll be easy to defeat if you can keep your cool OP

Yeah, I once spent a couple of days cleaning a bro-type gym. Totally minging.

Op this goes to show you how little you are thought of. Your good enough to take care of her dd but not to have her mobile phone for emergencies well if you do go through with the divorce they are both in for a shock good for you. The poor girl feel sorry for her but that’s something nobody can help with.

Someone earlier suggested he's touting for personal training clients - if so, I do wonder where he's plonking his daughter whilst he's in the gym itself.

Good for you OP. I can't believe his response is guilt tripping you with "family" and acting the victim, instead of taking stock, apologising and saying he will change.

Taking her to the gym at all, nevermind three times! What an utter turn off poor parenting is.

My BIL did that when he lost his wife. Even told me at the time he just needed another wife to be a mother, it didn't matter to him who. Quickly got another "mum" lined up and moved in within weeks which was a shock. Pregnant with another child within months/married within a year.

No surprise, the marriage failed eventually.

If he is touting for personal clients in a gym I wouldn't think they'd be happy with that as he'd be taking potential work & income from the gym.

And surely gym staff wouldn't be allowed to supervise a child whose father just brought her in like that? Unless they have some facility for children.

Are you sure he's at the gym. OP?

OP, your life will open up. Sometimes, reasoning will not work. Thank goodness you have your independence.

Well done for taking control. They say that life is not a dress rehearsal, so make the most of the one you’ve got. Best wishes, 💐

OP your husband is a pathetic, wet lettuce and I feel so sorry for you that you’ve had to endure this selfish pig for so long.
Your poor DSD aswell, with that for a father figure.
I wish you the best of luck and a peaceful exit.