Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

[seasonofthebitch]

Just wanted to update the previous thread…

I’m about to get on the train home after lovely weekend with my sister. I’m more certain now of my boundaries and what I will and won’t accept. I expect this will lead to the end of the marriage.

DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”. He’s taken DSD AGAIN to his gym for 3 hours and will be going to take her again tonight for 2 hours as I’m “not back in time”.

Youd think for one weekend he’d have sacked off the gym. Poor DSD.

When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too!

Im having a conversation with him tonight about our future. Feeling ok about it but also prepared for some backlash… coming back here to keep me focused!

I think that everyone feels sorry for the little girl who has it seems two shit parents.

She's probably the reason Op hasn't left already.

But she needs to think of herself now & what she wants.

It will be better for your DSD too. Don't give him the option of emotionally abusing her as a way to manipulate you. The easiest way to do this is to remove yourself from the situation.

I think I would put a small note in your DSD's bag when you drop her off at school. She may not want to talk to you but you definitely need to make her aware what he's like and what DSD's life will be like when you're not there. Then it's her decision what she does and you're not going to worry.

Wow - I wonder how that poor little girl caught a cold? Being woken up at 5 or 6 am then dragged round a gym all weekend maybe?

HE is raging and tired after ONE weekend with his child!

Feels alone (WITH HIS CHILD) but leaves you alone every night

Has you thinking YOU need to take the time off to look after her (how did you get into this mindset?) - you have patients inconvenienced while he has exercise classes?

The mysogeny and gaslighting and manipulation are so strong here.

It's going to be hard but I am glad you are seeing your way out of this

Another commenter thread mentions he may use charm to pull you back in. For one, please don’t fall for that if/when he uses it and two, consider ensuring your birth control is up to date/working/you’re on it/whatever. If you give in or try to make things work he may try to trap you with a pregnancy. Obviously I (and everyone else here, I’m sure!) would hope it wouldn’t come to that but if you give it one more shot and there’s sex involved, it could happen.

"Oh woe is me i have to parent my oen child" He sounds utterly pathetic OP & you sound far, far too lovely to be with someone as selfish as he is. Whenever he complains just tell him he had no issue having you do it so why is it now only hard work when HE does it? If thought nothing of it when it was you doing it.
Does dsd mum know how utterly usess he is?

You can also leave your contact with the school safeguarding lead and authorise them to pass on to DSD's Mum explaining that you want to do what's in DSD's best interests. I would use official routes, personally. (and only once you've left him)

@Elboob

thats not how colds work.

@Cherrytree86 I know - it is a virus - 3 day incubation. But her immune system is going to be worn down

this
Why was it okay for the woman to do but he is exhausted?

Presumably she has spent most of the weekend sitting on a freezing gym floor with a tablet assuming he's remembered to bring her coat, ensure she is warm and well fed at any point.

You should file for divorce, and lodge a safeguarding report. That poor child. You must be gutted as to how this is going to play out for her.

Don't make it about what he has or hasn't done, that can be argued and denied and he can change the narrative. Make it about WHO he is, or how you see him (which is not good enough to have in your life).

I also support you leaving OP, and raising a safeguarding concern for the child. The balance between not abandoning her and extracting yourself cleanly from your H’s life is going to be a difficult balance but at the end of the day she has parents and grandparents who have much greater responsibility than you. All the best.

OP it’s so funny that he thinks being incompetent and behaving like a child will get him what he wants. Does he know what century this is?
Had he actually given DSD a good weekend and kept the house in order I reckon you would have been pleasantly surprised and willing to work on it. He’s actually sealed his own fate.
I hope you will talk to DSD before you go? Otherwise she will blame herself. Especially as her Dad will swing it that way.
Say isn’t it silly that Daddy couldn’t do the dishes for one weekend. He’s an adult, all adults can do their own dishes. Silly Daddy. He needs to keep trying to do better.
There’s always a way to explain things in a child friendly way. (Adults used to not tell me things and it just made me feel like I wasn’t important enough to know).

Your DH says he’s never felt more alone in a relationship. Yet he leaves you every single evening in the same way. Put a mirror up to his behaviour.
He also says her step-dad doesn’t do anything for her. But her bio-dad doesn’t either!
Wishing you all the best xxx

From the previous thread

Eventually I said “if you think another woman would be more willing to act how you expect a stepmum to act, maybe you would be better off finding her, because I don’t know anyone who’d do it”
He said we need to talk about it when I get back but that he “does appreciate how much I do and how much I love DSD”

Ha, he's realised you could leave and he'd be without childcare so is soft soaping you.

He owns the gym I believe

Where does OP mention that? Was it in the first thread? If so, that makes more sense.

so the only reason he will be having dsd so much will be to avoid paying more child maintenance…not to spend time with her clearly

Say isn’t it silly that Daddy couldn’t do the dishes for one weekend. He’s an adult, all adults can do their own dishes. Silly Daddy. He needs to keep trying to do better.

He's an arse, but OP shouldn't do this. She shouldn't bad talk the child's father to her or try to create division.

Nice to see my post got deleted just because i had a sensible question about the validity of this post. I didn't curse, slander or insult the OP. Just asked a question based on UK law. How silly.

But that's not what you said Pomegranitepom. MN don't allow troll hunting. If you don't believe the OP you should have reported it. A previous poster on this thread said they have seen a young child at their gym. So it clearly does happen.

It's against talk guidelines to troll hunt.

Fair enough. I'll respect the guidelines

Did he want 50:50 OP? It's strange when he seems so averse to caring for his own child. The mum sounds so crap too maybe they both fought for as little time with dd as possible so they ended up 50:50.