Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

[seasonofthebitch]

Just wanted to update the previous thread…

I’m about to get on the train home after lovely weekend with my sister. I’m more certain now of my boundaries and what I will and won’t accept. I expect this will lead to the end of the marriage.

DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”. He’s taken DSD AGAIN to his gym for 3 hours and will be going to take her again tonight for 2 hours as I’m “not back in time”.

Youd think for one weekend he’d have sacked off the gym. Poor DSD.

When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too!

Im having a conversation with him tonight about our future. Feeling ok about it but also prepared for some backlash… coming back here to keep me focused!

In a way it's good that he is flag-bearing all his true colours for you to see. I was expecting him to nod along and make the right noises, and hoover you back in by pretending to change. It would always have reverted back to you doing everything, but seeing what could be makes it harder to leave. Best of luck OP. He is not going to make it easy.

The bit about the gym reminds me of a man I saw in the gym with his daughter. It looked like he was with his GF, who wasn't the mother of the child and he was lecturing his daughter and making her do exercises.

She looked so miserable. He was talking at her, she was around 8/9 years old.. he told her what to do and would walk away. It was so sad.

This was looking like his custody time with her.. and he was not spending quality time with her.

He's trying to guilt trip you. Shame on him.

You sound wise enough not to stand for this nonsense.

Never felt so alone? Well funny that, as that’s exactly how you’ve felt every evening that he buggers off to the gym every evening leaving you with his DD. I wouldn’t even be giving this guy a chance to change, do NOT have any DC with him as he is showing you what kind of parent he is. Absolutely disgusting the way he is trying to turn this on you. As other ladies have said, classic DARVO.

This man angers me so much, and i’ve been there in a relationship with someone who wasn’t the father of my DS and no way i’d be palming off my child like this every night. You know he will move onto another woman in weeks too who will end up doing the same. Good luck OP. You don’t deserve a life like this. Poor little girl. My heart goes out to her thinking of her sitting in the gym like a spare part.

I think this man is intimidated by your accomplishments and is trying to put you in your place by offloading all the caring responsibilities to you. It's outrageous that he's such a lazy, uninvolved parent that he pouts about doing the bare minimum for his own child.

It's awful for this little girl but you have done your best by her and it's her parents responsibility to step up, not yours. Don't allow yourself to be guilted.

I’m surprised the gym lets a child hang around.

what an arsehole he is

Yup

Yeah he will want you to get back in your box.

Awful, she loses out

This man is a hypocrite, he is no better than the stepdad he complains about.
He will not change, you are a Doctor with the strong possibility of career progression. It's his child, and you are lovely to her, but she has a Mother snd a Father they need to parent.
He does not put his child first, taking her to the gym for 3 hours, and then going back for another 2 is selfish and all about him, her needs are secondary to his wants.
You are highly proffesional woman, he does not respect that, in fact he resents lt.
In all your posts all I have read is me, me, me. Its all about him. You earn your own money, you are a Doctor, and financially stable. You need to think carefully what it will be like down the line especially if you have a child with him. I agree with your sister, and I would leave this man.
I also think because of your career, your financial stability, he will find it difficult to manipulate you. He may whine, like when he said 'I have never felt so alone', and he may try other things like guilt trips. He is just upset you are a proffesional woman who can stand up to him.
I feel sorry for this little girl, but you cannot let the situation with her useless parents ruin your life.
I wish you well whatever you decide.

What an utterly pathetic, manipulative arsehole he is! I'm utterly baffled that he really believes that you have more responsibility for caring for his daughter than he does. He's been really lucky up until now that his daughter is so lovely that you have put up with his selfish and lazy behaviour for so long in order to protect your step-daughter.

There is no way that he will step up and be a proper father to his daughter but that doesn't mean you need to stay for your step-daughter's sake.

Life with this man is unbearable and you need to end the relationship and leave as soon as is practically possible.

Damn I hit you are being unreasonable as I went to scroll through. You are def NOT being unreasonable.

I feel so sorry for his dd, it's tough growing up with parents who put their own needs first.

You can change it by hitting the other button instead.

"I've seen how you neglect your daughter and it's made me fall out of love with you."

@ChiliFiend s post in spades!

If pressed discuss how you would like children (if thats true) but you realised you can't /dont want to have them with him because you've seen what kind of father he will be.
Be clear the relationship is over.

Note:you may think you dont want children but actually you were just never with someone who would be a decent father. You may also just not want kids!

His comment was very calculated and manipulative. He will double down and wont let you go easy. Be prepared (documents etc) and hold firm

Wow. Gaslighting, incompetent and a man baby. I could not be with someone like this.

"I've never felt so alone in a relationship" said the man who is supported to do exactly as he pleases, to the woman who would like a bit of the same in return.

Fuck off.

I've been lurking on this thread in disbelief but have to post to support you OP. This man is unbelievable and I'm so angry reading how he has responded to this. You deserve so much more in life.

Its awful for this child but you can't live your life in suffering for someone else's child. Before you leave,, could you approach the school and let them know that this will be a big adjustment for her as essentially you have been put in the position where you're her main carer. She will need emotional support going forward so the last thing you can do for her is make sure school knows that needs to be in place.

Good luck to you. You're doing the right thing xx

Some men seem to assume that childcare is a woman’s responsibility and it’s beyond unreasonable of them to look after their own children 🙄.

OP, he will be aghast that you are pushing back on this. He thinks he is too important and too male for something as mundane as looking after his own child. Moreover, because you have a vagina he will believe you should be privileged to do most of the child care.

Well I said he'd start on the emotional blackmail but he's doing some bloody guilt tripping instead. He hasn't worked out that the weekend wasn't a one off yet Op, he thinks pouting and feeling sorry for himself will pull you back in line. If you're leaving then I'd get on with it before he turns nasty, he's far too self obsessed to make divorcing him easy

Oh he's in for a rude awakening when he can't go to his precious gym because his live in nanny is gone. He spends more hours there per week than some people do in their jobs!

He’s 100% in panic mood thinking he’ll have to parent his own child.

What a horrible selfish man and so sad to read how his precious gym comes before his lovely daughter and wife.
Be prepared for a lot of manipulation as he’ll do anything not to lose his childcare.

DSD has woken up with a stinking cold 😣 I might keep her off school today, see how she is after her breakfast. Her grandma knows she’s poorly and has offered to come over so I don’t need to stay off with her.

DH is slamming around, sighing, and generally acting as martyr. He’ll say he didn’t sleep at all last night which is his usual routine.

Umm...so you don't have to stay off with her?!

I 100% think he’ll expect me to go back to normal after this. No chance. I’m being normal this morning with DSD, she’s done nothing wrong and has a shit weekend.

I working until 6 today but will look at divorce lawyers when I get home. I’m not even sad anymore.