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Original poster

Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

839 replies

seasonofthebitch · 18/01/2026 16:18

Just wanted to update the previous thread…

I’m about to get on the train home after lovely weekend with my sister. I’m more certain now of my boundaries and what I will and won’t accept. I expect this will lead to the end of the marriage.

DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”. He’s taken DSD AGAIN to his gym for 3 hours and will be going to take her again tonight for 2 hours as I’m “not back in time”.

Youd think for one weekend he’d have sacked off the gym. Poor DSD.

When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too!

Im having a conversation with him tonight about our future. Feeling ok about it but also prepared for some backlash… coming back here to keep me focused!

OP posts:
manysausages · 18/01/2026 22:45

seasonofthebitch · 18/01/2026 22:34

He came into the spare room saying “I’ve never felt more alone in a relationship”, I said I’m tired, need to sleep. He said “doing wakeups alone with the child you said was family…”

I said don’t you dare, you felt practically alone because I didn’t swoop in this weekend and provide childcare. I’m not talking about it tonight. I want to sleep

Well done for not giving in to him. It sounds like he’s desperate for you to take over doing all the drudgery again. Stay firm.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/01/2026 22:46

I think you said on 1st thread that house was joint

can he buy you out ?

ThatCyanCat · 18/01/2026 22:47

seasonofthebitch · 18/01/2026 22:34

He came into the spare room saying “I’ve never felt more alone in a relationship”, I said I’m tired, need to sleep. He said “doing wakeups alone with the child you said was family…”

I said don’t you dare, you felt practically alone because I didn’t swoop in this weekend and provide childcare. I’m not talking about it tonight. I want to sleep

This is so hypocritical, dishonest, manipulative, exploitative, selfish, shitty and sexist. I hate him.

ByWarmShark · 18/01/2026 22:47

As so many other people have said, this would be unacceptable even if you were her actual biological mum. The fact he treats you (and her) like this when you are her step mum beggars belief. I have a friend who was in this kind of set up and got out when the kid was the same age- she maintained a lovely close relationship with the kid and still got to see her (she was after all free childcare in the eyes of the parents!!) That child is now 20 and possibly still closer to her than she is to her dad even though they haven't lived together or been formally linked for about 15 years.

Steeleydan · 18/01/2026 22:47

seasonofthebitch · 18/01/2026 22:34

He came into the spare room saying “I’ve never felt more alone in a relationship”, I said I’m tired, need to sleep. He said “doing wakeups alone with the child you said was family…”

I said don’t you dare, you felt practically alone because I didn’t swoop in this weekend and provide childcare. I’m not talking about it tonight. I want to sleep

Trying to make you feel guilty...DO NOT cave

RandomMess · 18/01/2026 22:48

Full on DARVO from him.

SapphOhNo · 18/01/2026 22:48

Time to speak to your solicitor.

OuchAndAbout · 18/01/2026 22:50

Well done. Hope you get some decent rest.

The absolute audacity of the man who is looking down the barrel of losing his live in Nanny. I predict some more absolute belters from him tomorrow as he tries to find the slot to put tokens into to get the irritatingly malfunctioning nanny to work again. You really interfered with his cushty social life this weekend, poor little lamb. Hold strong.

He didn't even drain the bathwater, for fucks sake.

NotnowMildrid · 18/01/2026 22:50

Crikey he’s bloody good at trying to guilt trip YOU?!! Unbelievable!!

One thing I learnt quite late in life is that some people, are so clever at weighing people up, and knowing exactly how to manipulate things their way and get them to do their bidding.

OuchAndAbout · 18/01/2026 22:52

RandomMess · 18/01/2026 22:48

Full on DARVO from him.

yes, OP its worth reading up on this if you're not familiar with it. It stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender, and he's very clearly into it.

See also: the narcissist's prayer.

CormoranTheFish · 18/01/2026 22:53

He came into the spare room saying “I’ve never felt more alone in a relationship”, I said I’m tired, need to sleep. He said “doing wakeups alone with the child you said was family…”
I said don’t you dare, you felt practically alone because I didn’t swoop in this weekend and provide childcare. I’m not talking about it tonight. I want to sleep

HIS OWN CHILD! HIS FAMILY. His responsibility. Absolutely irrelevant what you said about her. You’ve been an angel to his daughter and this is how he repays you. He does not deserve you.

Have a great sleep, OP. Bolt the door if you can do so the prick can’t bother you anymore tonight. If he hasn’t cleaned up in the morning—don’t touch it! Leave the mess for him to sort out.

I’m so relieved for you that you found out what a shit dad he is before you had a child with him. So sorry for your step daughter—but at least any children you may have in future will not have this dickhead for their father.

TwistedWonder · 18/01/2026 22:54

seasonofthebitch · 18/01/2026 22:34

He came into the spare room saying “I’ve never felt more alone in a relationship”, I said I’m tired, need to sleep. He said “doing wakeups alone with the child you said was family…”

I said don’t you dare, you felt practically alone because I didn’t swoop in this weekend and provide childcare. I’m not talking about it tonight. I want to sleep

Straight out of the gaslighting DARVO textbook. It’s all your fault he has to punish you. Poor ickle man having to spend a weekend being a parent - which he failed at abysmally.

He’s a selfish pathetic wanker

Catpuss66 · 18/01/2026 22:54

He is banking on your caring nature. You have no claim on this little one if it suited him he could withhold contact out of spite. Protect yourself & your emotions.

SheilaFentiman · 18/01/2026 22:56

What a dick. Even if DSD was your joint kid and you were a SAHM doing most of the care, you would have every right to go and see your sister without a bloody guilt trip.

Horses7 · 18/01/2026 22:57

ThatCyanCat · 18/01/2026 22:47

This is so hypocritical, dishonest, manipulative, exploitative, selfish, shitty and sexist. I hate him.

Show quote history

Couldn’t put it any better!

murasaki · 18/01/2026 22:58

OuchAndAbout · 18/01/2026 22:50

Well done. Hope you get some decent rest.

The absolute audacity of the man who is looking down the barrel of losing his live in Nanny. I predict some more absolute belters from him tomorrow as he tries to find the slot to put tokens into to get the irritatingly malfunctioning nanny to work again. You really interfered with his cushty social life this weekend, poor little lamb. Hold strong.

He didn't even drain the bathwater, for fucks sake.

Edited

Quite, he can't even pull a plug out, let alone parent his kid and be a functional partner.

Op, it's fine to feel sorry for the kid, and worried for her but you need to think about you too. She has two parents, you have one life.

PardonMe3 · 18/01/2026 22:59

seasonofthebitch · 18/01/2026 22:34

He came into the spare room saying “I’ve never felt more alone in a relationship”, I said I’m tired, need to sleep. He said “doing wakeups alone with the child you said was family…”

I said don’t you dare, you felt practically alone because I didn’t swoop in this weekend and provide childcare. I’m not talking about it tonight. I want to sleep

Manipulative prick. He looked after his kid for 48 hours and he's lonely. I wonder if he considers how lonely you might feel home alone parenting his child every night and trapped in the house while he is " networking".

murasaki · 18/01/2026 23:00

I bet he takes steroids. This much gym obsession often tends to lead that way.

OuchAndAbout · 18/01/2026 23:00

He came into the spare room saying “I’ve never felt more alone in a relationship”, I said I’m tired, need to sleep. He said “doing wakeups alone with the child you said was family…”
I said don’t you dare, you felt practically alone because I didn’t swoop in this weekend and provide childcare. I’m not talking about it tonight. I want to sleep

Do not forget, that this kicked off because you said you were exhausted doing most things for the little girl, and his response to you was suck it up, buttercup. Two days without his nanny and he's "so tired" and "feels so alone" from his "full on days." Aka his wife went away for not even a full weekend. Suck it up, Buttershit.

HOW DARE HE have such transparent double standards for what he expects you to do versus him?!!!!

ChiliFiend · 18/01/2026 23:05

I think you can simply say "I've seen how you neglect your daughter and it's made me fall out of love with you."

That way there's no argument about how much you do vs what he should expect from you, how you said you'd treat her as family and whatever else he'll say to guilt trip you.

murasaki · 18/01/2026 23:09

ChiliFiend · 18/01/2026 23:05

I think you can simply say "I've seen how you neglect your daughter and it's made me fall out of love with you."

That way there's no argument about how much you do vs what he should expect from you, how you said you'd treat her as family and whatever else he'll say to guilt trip you.

The first paragraph here is not only very well expressed, but true, that is exactly what seems to be happening here.

PeachySmile2 · 18/01/2026 23:11

seasonofthebitch · 18/01/2026 22:34

He came into the spare room saying “I’ve never felt more alone in a relationship”, I said I’m tired, need to sleep. He said “doing wakeups alone with the child you said was family…”

I said don’t you dare, you felt practically alone because I didn’t swoop in this weekend and provide childcare. I’m not talking about it tonight. I want to sleep

Don’t let him guilt trip you! You’ve done the hardest part - bringing it up. Now it’s on the table for discussion when you are ready. It’s important that when you discuss it, you are honest about your feelings and how you interpret his behaviour - do not backtrack (or rather do not let him gaslight you into backtracking) - stick to your guns! What’s meant to be, will be. It will be the right outcome for you OP.

PullTheBricksDown · 18/01/2026 23:11

Do you have contact details for his mum, OP? Given the uselessness of both biological parents for this poor little girl, as his mum has also been taken for a mug in the past and got tired of it, perhaps you could team up, speak to social services and try to get something better in place? You are destined for a better future once you've left this loser. I just feel so sorry for the kid.

NotnowMildrid · 18/01/2026 23:18

ChiliFiend · 18/01/2026 23:05

I think you can simply say "I've seen how you neglect your daughter and it's made me fall out of love with you."

That way there's no argument about how much you do vs what he should expect from you, how you said you'd treat her as family and whatever else he'll say to guilt trip you.

This is excellent. So well put.

What could he possibly say to defend himself.

Secretseverywhere · 18/01/2026 23:18

It feels like weaponised incompetence. I do think lots of women get stuck in unsatisfying relationships because they are exhausted and burnt out due to trying to keep on top of childcare/ cleaning/ work/ food. It stops you being able to think clearly so you just keep plodding forward. I think of it as the donkey effect.

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