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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being overly suspicious of my DD13?

356 replies

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 13:28

A week ago DD13 announced at dinner that she would be going to the town next to us (10 minutes away by train) with her friends, but instead of saying the name of that town, I heard her say 'London' (which is an hour away). I said "London?!" and she said that she didn't say London but said the name of the town next to us. The town name is nothing like London. My husband insisted that she said the name of the town and I thought it was a bit odd, but dismissed it as my mistake. My husband now admits that he wasn't actually listening to the conversation.

Yesterday I asked her if she wanted me to buy the train tickets but she said her friend's mum is buying it. This seemed feasible as an adult travelling with a child, the child's ticket is only £1, whereas buying it alone is more expensive.

This morning she left for the town with her friends from school, which I've never met - I don't know any of her school friends. My husband dropped her off and said that she had got the time wrong and that's why her friends weren't there, but they'll be arriving soon.

This afternoon she text me to say that the shops weren't accepting her card and it might be because she doesn't have enough money, so could I transfer £60 and she'll pay me back. I text back asking why she wants so much money and then I checked her location, she was in Stratford. It's quite out of character for her to lie about where she was going especially as I would have let her go anyway if there was an adult present and also I've never known her to want to spend so much money, so I asked her to phone me to check it was really her. She called and insisted that she needed £60 for some really cute boots and although she has that much in cash, the shop only accepts card. I agreed and put £65 on her card. She then went to Zara and spent £35, not £60. I text to ask why she asked for £60 for boots and she said that they must have been reduced at the till. I asked why she lied about where she was going and she said that Stratford and our local town sound similar and she got them mixed up.

She then text to say her card wasn't working again - it is a bit of a crap bank and the card often fails - and she couldn't buy lunch as everywhere they have tried is card only. I told her to give the cash to a friend or the mum and they pay for the food, but she said that they won't do that. I can't imagine a mum being pointlessly difficult and letting a child go hungry.

Any of these alone, I wouldn't have even noticed, but everything together is seeming a bit suspicious. Her accidentally saying London and then coincidentally going to London, her not needing me to buy the ticket to the local town, her arriving at the station at the wrong time so my husband couldn't actually see her friends or the mum, her requesting huge amounts of money for boots and then only spending half of it, the mum happily paying for her train ticket but letting her go hungry by not accepting cash from my daughter and paying by card.

Or maybe I'm just being over the top.

OP posts:
Satisfiedwithanapple · 17/01/2026 15:44

You need to get onto the same page as DH, that is vital for teen parenting.

We would have simply said no to 14 dd going at all in this situation post dinner unless I knew where she was going and who with. I definitely would not have given her an extra 60 quid.

I’m sure there will be mumsnetters who travelled alone to Glasgow at 10 telling me I’m OTT but honesty and trust are central to freedom. And DD’s mates are allowed to go literally nowhere, she’s allowed to go to our nearest city with a friend but never has actually been cos her friends aren’t…..

shoopdoop · 17/01/2026 15:47

Excuse my confusion but is the town your DD said she was going to on the same train line as going to London? I mean, just by meeting her off the train you won't know where she's been? She can say X but in fact it's Y. Presumably there's a Zara in both locations but does her card show where she's using it?
I do wonder if your DH is complicit with this deception and he doesn't seem bothered about the lying or the risks she may be taking. If he'd waited with her when he dropped her off he would know which train she got on but if it's the same one to both destinations then this is not much help.

EmbroideredGardener · 17/01/2026 15:48

Dont be surprised if she arrives back alone because whoever she was with either met her there or got on at a later stop and will get off earlier.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 17/01/2026 15:50

YouWillNeverGuessMyUsername · 17/01/2026 13:31

Id be tempted to turn up at Stratford and haul her arse home.

I'm pretty chill but would be doing this.

There is no "mum" with them she may even be on her own or meeting someone from online

She needs a sit down and a talk on safety.

StuffyHuffyPuffy · 17/01/2026 15:52

Purlant · 17/01/2026 15:10

This does sound weird. I don’t blame you for not wanting her to go to Stratford. I’m from London and even I find it a dodgy area!

Get her a Monzo card, you don’t have to go into a bank at all, can all be done online.

Exactly! My sister lives in London. She was around 15 when she was groomed online and they were about to meet for a 'date' before my dad found out. I was worried then. At 13, she was not allowed to travel to central London or either Westfield without an adult. Stratford Westfield is a lot for even adult me to manage alone.

The lying doesn't bode well especially OP. Trust your instincts and pursue the truth from her. You have a right to be worried.

paulhollywoodshairgel · 17/01/2026 15:53

Bit off topic but Nationwide do a really good kids account and if she has a passport you can open it online.

wrongthinker · 17/01/2026 15:56

Why wouldn't you ring the mum?

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 15:58

whatthehelldowecare · 17/01/2026 15:12

If you don’t want to phone the mum (for whatever reason) save the number and then open it on WhatsApp and at least see the photo

Ooh that's clever

OP posts:
Kayla83 · 17/01/2026 15:58

I'd have waited at train station or at a distance to see "what friends" turned up. Sounds very suspicious. I'd be worried she's been groomed online and coaxed into meeting up.

Judgejudysno1fan · 17/01/2026 16:00

The other tbing is if she turns up alone at the station after coming off of the train means that she could have possibly met some boy/man from London. So, regardless op, please go through her phone.

Judgejudysno1fan · 17/01/2026 16:00

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 15:58

Ooh that's clever

So, you haven't called this "mum" yet then?

Judgejudysno1fan · 17/01/2026 16:01

So, you haven't called this "mum" yet then?

Screamingabdabz · 17/01/2026 16:03

It’s like snakes and ladders with young teens. If they lie then they go back to square one. No privileges or independence until they earn back your trust.

McGregor33 · 17/01/2026 16:03

Judgejudysno1fan · 17/01/2026 16:01

So, you haven't called this "mum" yet then?

My thoughts exactly. Honest to god, I wouldn’t hesitate phone a random “parent” in this situation. The lack of urgency is astounding. If this was my teenager I’d have already went to get her for the lies alone.

ChersHandbag · 17/01/2026 16:04

Hope this works out ok OP

busyd4y · 17/01/2026 16:07

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 15:58

Ooh that's clever

Are you a little naive in general possibly? That's a pretty basic thing to do.

Id be surprised if there's an adult with them, why would another mother not pay for lunch?

Is hyperjar actually a bank? I don't understand why people use things like that when reliable high street banks provide child accounts that are easy to open. Also a safety factor, what if she'd got separated from whoever she's with and wasn't able to access her money

notcomfortable · 17/01/2026 16:08

McGregor33 · 17/01/2026 16:03

My thoughts exactly. Honest to god, I wouldn’t hesitate phone a random “parent” in this situation. The lack of urgency is astounding. If this was my teenager I’d have already went to get her for the lies alone.

Yeah I just can't fathom the lack of urgency
Surely its the first thing you would do to make sure the stories matched and if the mum was like no i got them on the train but not with them then you go nuts trying to locate her but to even not ring?
Just bizzare

CaptainMyCaptain · 17/01/2026 16:09

McGregor33 · 17/01/2026 16:03

My thoughts exactly. Honest to god, I wouldn’t hesitate phone a random “parent” in this situation. The lack of urgency is astounding. If this was my teenager I’d have already went to get her for the lies alone.

How do you know she hasn't? The OP doesn't have to document everything she does. Hopefully the daughter is on the train by now, maybe she's already home. The OP has a lot to deal with.

MyDeftDuck · 17/01/2026 16:10

This wouldn’t sit right with me either. I’d be checking with the friends and their parents to get to the bottom of all this as I suspect she has lied to you from the start OP.

ThisYearIsMyYear · 17/01/2026 16:11

I hope your DD comes home safely and it was a shopping trip with mates that she lied about, not something worse. But for the future your DH really needs to wake up. She primed the pump by telling him the day before she was going to the next town, not London, and he fell for it and the "wrong train time" story like a complete sucker, which she clearly knew he would. It's not the 90s anymore. Both of you need to be more savvy about what trouble immature teens can get into and what it sounds like when they do. The fact that he's still gaslighting you into thinking you may be overreacting is beyond unhelpful.

McGregor33 · 17/01/2026 16:13

CaptainMyCaptain · 17/01/2026 16:09

How do you know she hasn't? The OP doesn't have to document everything she does. Hopefully the daughter is on the train by now, maybe she's already home. The OP has a lot to deal with.

Oh she absolutely doesn’t have to document everything she does, but is very selective in what is being replied to. Multiple have queried if she’s called this number, not been answered however, she did find time to answer about using WhatsApp to see profile picture.

Her daughter should be home, like I said for the lies alone. She has acknowledged that her daughter has lied multiple times. Her daughter could be at risk or could be blissfully shopping with friends. The point is, no one knows. Not even the OP.

The deception her child has put her through so far is disgraceful and caused unnecessary stress to the OP. I can only hope OP is more proactive in real life and has actually now got her daughter with her and having a serious chat.

YourPoliteLeader · 17/01/2026 16:14

I can’t get my head around not wanting to call this mum.

Your daughter is 13. 13!!!!

Crunchymum · 17/01/2026 16:25

I strongly suspect the other mum isn't there.

At best a few of them have all pulled the same trick (said a mum is going but they aren't or said they are at next town over etc)

The £60 is odd and given dd admitted she had 'made a mistake' about the destination (does your next town over really sound like "Stratford"?) She'd have got no more than a tenner for food off of me.

Make sure you wait and see who she returns with.

I wouldn't give a shit about anyone thinking I was being ott, she's a 13yo child and she's either taking the piss or she's been roped into something she didn't feel able to say no to - both worrying in different ways.

Anjo2011 · 17/01/2026 16:26

She’s too young to be left to her own devices. Find out what’s going on and then decide if you are happy with it or not. Don’t just leave it.

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 17/01/2026 16:28

Has Mum’s number

Doesn’t call Mum

🤷🏼‍♀️

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