AIBU to be turned off by unwashed hands and a small package?

[Tink3rbell30]

I've recently been dating again after a bad experience and long break. I have known this person years and we have chatted quite often so the familiarity is there. 2 things: he has a very small package and the whole thing was just very awkward and it didn't really work. And after a random conversation it turns out that he doesn't wash his hands after going to the toilet (both a wee and poo). I'm really fussy with cleanliness and to me that is very basic hygiene.

AIBU to do a 180 turn on the whole thing? He is trying to make plans to see me this weekend as we speak. My friend says give it another meet up and see as sex is always very awkward at first but it's the hand washing thing aswell.

How does a man pee without touching his penis?

He doesn't think it's gross, he doesn't even think it's a thing at all. So, he's not thinking it would undermine any attempt to impress, he's just saying it.

I think he actually said he doesn't touch the part he pees out of, and the bacteria don't travel down the shaft to his hand. Plus, according to him, pee is sterile (correct, until the precise moment it leaves your body).

But, he was an absolute arse in every way!

I observe men before getting in any way sexually intimate with them. I try and figure out if they’re a hand washer or not and their general hygiene because I’m terrified of a dirty finger, tongue or penis going inside any part of me 😑

I think you’ve made the right decision not to see this guy again because the lack of handwashing is gross and a risk to your health. The fact he actually tried to convince you that not handwashing is fine after knowing it’s a big deal for you shows a lack of respect. This is the stage where men are really supposed to be trying their hardest to impress a woman!

It’s also wise not to mention the size of his penis when you call things off. No good will come from that.

Your friend sounds a bit awful, I had a friend like that and she secretly disliked me. She was always trying to get me to settle for just anyone and said I had issues with men.

Arrogance and probably doesn’t value Op. I remember going to this man’s house and he turned on one of those Andrew Tate style red pill podcasts. I was shocked but it was too late to go back home .

however I knew at that moment he clearly didn’t rate me because he was no longer trying to impress me. If his dream girl was in his house he wouldn’t even admit to listening to that misogynist BS let alone be putting it on. So I left the next day and didn’t come back.

Dirty pig. Fancy him actually admitting he didn’t wash His hands after a wee and a poo !!!

Keep coming back to check this thread as I'm so interested to see his response once you tell him you aren't interested and why!

Nice to look at and a nice personality, keep him as a friend. Do not continue with this on a relationship level, you will just be dissapointed! The not washing hands is disgusting, do you really want him touching you with tiny remnants of faeces on his hands?

I’m going to come at this from a different point of view to a lot of the posters. I know a fair number of people who grew up in families that were very much on the “eat a peck of dirt before you die” side of hygiene. If something’s mouldy, scrape the mould off and crack on, if it falls in the floor, just chuck it back in the cooking pot etc etc.

If your exposure to hygiene is this sort of environment, which does have some proven benefits, and if no one explains exactly why it’s so unhygienic to not wash your hands after a poo, then it’s logical to think: “well, I was very careful not to touch any poo, so that’s obviously fine”.

Lots of people will never have had the intricacies of why it’s important to wash hands after a poo explained to them. They have no concept that you can catch things and pass them on from touching door handles in a toilet. They’ve never had anyone explain to them how easily parasites like threadworms can spread their eggs if you don’t wash your hands (horrible newsflash, it’s even possible to breathe in their eggs and catch them that way).

I know you’ve said you plan to say the hand washing thing grossed you out, but if you like him and he’s been a good friend I really think it’s worth having a crack at explaining why it’s important, because it sounds like no one ever has.

@Tink3rbell30 firstly I will support you on the poor sex once, never again stance. Regardless of package size, bad sex is bad sex and not likely to improve. I made an exception once as I felt maybe I wasn't on my game, but no, the second encounter - amazing according to him - left me wondering why I bothered to get undressed. So that wasn't repeated.

Now, to horrify you further on the hygiene stakes. There is apparently a movement of men who do not wipe post shite. Not at all. Leave skid marks everywhere 🤢 but yet they expect sex...

How do you all know that the men you know wash their hands?

When I've asked the men who don't wash their hands if they do, they have said yes they do! Even when I know they don't as the soap amd basin are always dry after they have been in the bathroom.

Or they come back from pub or restaurant toilets and there is no smell of soap...(not that I'm sniffing their hands!). But when I use the facilities and wash my hands the scent of the soap is evident.

I think alot of people on here would be surprised at how many (the majority in my experience) don't.

I'm not saying your husband wasn't being honest but I think most men would give the same response even if they don't wash their hands.

What you going to do if you meet someone who has the correct size penis for you, who suddenly gets ill or has an accident and cant make love.

Are you going to dump them?

I'm a man and therefore have often been in the gents and I'm sorry to say I would never assume that any particular man washes his hands after using the toilet. My observation is that at least half don't. Given that a lot of men leave splashes everywhere I can only assume that many aren't using their hand to aim and think they don't need to wash their hands. Utterly gross.

The hygiene issue of no hand washing alone is enough to run for hills

The little dick is the 2nd reason

Really? Partner washes his hands ALL the time. Like a NORMAL person

I wouldnt personally be to bothered about the small willy. If he was good with his hands but this dirty fucker can bugger right off...
He will give you an infection.
I just couldnt deal with the germs EVERYWHERE
Just No!

Sounds awful. What do you plan to do if he expresses shock and promises faithfully to wash his hands from now on? Hint - he won't!

I also hope you didn't tell your friend about his small penis if she knows him too. That would be really unkind.

If you’ve had a bad time of it in previous relationships, it can feel like everything is a “you problem”, especially if a friend is telling you that you’re being too harsh or picky. I can tell you now, you’re not being harsh enough.

1. it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean. If this man can’t make the waves crash, push him back out to sea. 😉
2. If Covid taught us nothing else, it taught us that hand hygiene is EVERYONE’S problem. No wonder you’re getting the ick this early on. Better safe than C-Diff 💩

Don’t settle for less than you want or deserve just because of familiarity, or the opinions of a so called friend who doesn’t have to endure the touch of unwashed hands on her nethers. Let him go, and carry on blissfully in your lovely single life. 🩷💐🩷

Funny you should say that! I went on a date once and the only table left was one close to the gent's loo! When he came back to the table after peeing I jokingly said to him "at least I know you wash your hands" as I had heard the hand dryer going off! He laughed and said "always"! So you could make sure you sit on a table by the gent's on a first date and hope they don't use paper towels! 🤣

I thought this was going to be a postman bashing thread.
But lack of basic hygiene would be a big turn off for me

How lovely for you. It would be great if this were normal for men.

It is normal for men. Unless you’ve been with the entire male population at some point in your life, did it ever occur to you that it might just be the ones you are choosing that don’t?

It’s the fact that he likely used his hands on you an my brain is screaming infection I couldn’t get over that. Short nails and clean hands always. The fact he can’t see using his dirty hands on you isn’t a turn off is crazy

@Tink3rbell30 Is there any chance he could have been winding you up?

Whenever my inlaws used to stay I found myself getting awful flu like symptoms and vomiting bugs. I thought it was an unfortunate coincidence. The worst was when I was pregnant and almost at full term and I was struck badly just after they left. Eventually on one visit I saw MIL come out the loo after doing a poo without washing her hands. And she used to prepare food for us! I was disgusted and angry and never ate a thing from her after that. DP was really clean though, to an obsessive degree.