To ask you how long you waited before visitors

[Starlightsprite]

After you had your baby?

My son and his partner had a baby yesterday morning and came home the same day. I have asked that they let us know when they are ready for visitors and they said that they will.

I am of the generation (is it generational?) that your immediate family were welcome straight away unless there were issues like the baby being poorly or the mother needing more recuperation than average and I couldn’t wait for my family to meet my babies. I already knew people were moving away from this though as I’ve seen it on here so I kind of knew not to expect to visit immediately.

So my question is what were you waiting for in terms if having people visit you? Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously.

There are no underlying issues here by the way, I get along fine with my DIL and son.

It wasn't just the first as the reasons didn't change. We didn't have school runs, but there were two of us, so errands were not an issue. And I did pop out with the baby to the shops, I wasn't under house arrest!
But as I said our relatives weren't local, so it wouldn't have been a case of them nipping in for a coffee then leaving.

Quite easily. Most people have a second parent involved in the conception of their children and that parent does the school/nursery run. They are entitled to 1 to 2 weeks paternity leave also.

Why are people acting as if grandparents not meeting a baby within 24 hours of birth means they don’t see them until their 1st birthday? We’re talking asking people to wait a couple of days/a week in the vast, vast majority of cases when waiting is asked.

When I had mine, a loooong time ago my mum and dad and sisters came within a few hours of me giving birth. When my DD had her baby 2 years ago I went to the hospital the next day. I would have gone the same evening (at her request) but she had her quite late in the day.

Wait until invited!

DC1 We didn't see anyone for 2 weeks!
DC2 was different and folks welcome after a couple of days

What a ridiculous response. No-one is saying that allowing the MIL to visit her new grandchild as soon as your own mum means she had to have close up access to your damaged fanny.

Are your mum and dad together? Was your dad allowed to visit at the same time as your mum or did you make him wait? If your dad was allowed to come as early as your mum, was it on the understanding that he'd also be needed to help clean your intimate parts as well, or did you somehow manage to keep him outside the room for that bit?

Both my parents & parents-in- law visited the hospital, extended family when invited & when I felt ready. It never entered my head to consider which parents were there first. I always treated them equally from day one regarding time spent with their grandchildren. If we required babysitters they took it turn about depending on availability. It did help we all lived fairly close to each other.

My father came to the hospital - I was in fur three days as had a section. Then the day after we came home we had string of visitors. I think the next day I went out to lunch and first time breastfeeding in public! I was totally happy with that. Babies are pretty boring!

My MIL met DS when he was 8 days old. We had a challenging first week. 2 night's in hospital and didn't get home until after 10pm. Then had various health visitors and midwives just show up unannounced throughout the week. Also really struggled with breastfeeding so that added to things as needed to get a breastpump and things. Also ended up back in hospital for a night with DS on day 7. MIL was very pushy the whole time wanting to meet her grandson and just added to the stress. The only person who met DS before her was my own mother who waited patiently and came over at short notice to help with some laundry but also meet baby.

You sound the complete opposite of my MIL but if you want to meet baby a bit sooner you could offer to help and ask if they need anything brought and they might have you over a little earlier!

Not when I had my first 2 they weren't allowed paternity leave. And my eldest dad didn't meet her until she was 4 months as abroad on tour of duty

So the shop workers met your baby before their relatives?

Dd was born on the Saturday, we went home on the Sunday. First visitor was the plumber because we came home to a flood in our kitchen - he’s done a few jobs for us and was genuinely excited to see the baby! First official visitors were my mum and aunt on the Wednesday, then MIL on Thursday. We then had to go back in to hospital for a couple of days due to an unforeseen complication, back out on the Saturday to FIL waiting to see us (that one was actually the stressful one because of having been back in the hospital). I think we then put a general message out to everyone with “visiting hours” for the following week.

Looking back now it was all fine - we spent that first week being disturbed by midwives and health visitors anyway so not really in a bubble so to speak!

Oh and the reason the first official visitors didn’t come until Wednesday was because nobody asked to come any earlier than that, and that seemed fine for us in terms of timing.

My in-laws and my best friend came to the hospital a few hours after our first was born, my parents came in the first couple of weeks but I made them stay in a hotel.

With our second, in-laws came to visit just after we got home (same day as the birth), it would have been hard not to have them visit as they needed to return our eldest as they'd come to look after him while we went to the hospital!

I couldn't wait to show off my baby.

I was quite blunt in that I told visitors (other than my parents and in laws) that they have to go after 45 minutes as we're exhausted. And I would set an alarm and get up and tell them to go. Everyone understood and was nothing but absolutely lovely. Might sound rude but we had visitors every day for the first 3 weeks so I didn't want my days taken over entirely by visitors.

All my friends were the same.

The only woman I know who banged on about needing privacy as a family etc is a cunt. The most annoying and self absorbed woman i have ever known.

Unfortunately having a baby doesn't change any of us for the better. It generally just makes us more entrenched in our ways.

It really does vary from person to person, and from birth to birth. When I had my first, several members of my family turned up at the hospital while I was still in labour! The midwife was coming in telling me 'they're all out there waiting' while I was literally still trying to push the baby out and while I know they had good intentions, I found it so overwhelming. Then in-laws turned up within a couple of hours of me giving birth so I had to sit there smiling whilst thinking 'fuck me it hurts to sit down'.

Then with my second, you'd think it would be easier but I found it harder. I struggled with breastfeeding and the baby blues so spent the first couple of weeks in pain and crying for most of the day so found it really hard having people around constantly. One day in particular I was just about to get in the bath when a couple of family members turned up unannounced and stayed for hours, expecting to be fed etc. So definitely don't do that 😂

This is going to be as diverse as answers to the question how well do you get on with your family be. It seems obvious to me.

Lol, what a weird loaded comment, they probably barely registered her. Shop workers weren't expecting to visit my house or expect interaction.

Congratulations on your new grandchild!

I had home births. My first was born at 9 in the morning, after labouring through the night. My dad arrived first about few hours after the birth. Then (and neither of our mothers know this) my next door neighbour popped in for a quick cuddle. Then my mum arrived. MIL brought our niece for half hour late afternoon and by 7pm they were all back, with the addition of my brother, BIL and SIL. And I was helping make cups of tea. But I was on cloud nine and it felt like a lovely little party!

Second born at midday, again everyone came the same day.

Third born on first’s birthday so they were all with us, opening presents etc. until a few hours before I gave birth. Born 10pm so everyone visited the next day.

I never minded but I did have a very easy time of it giving birth so I understand it might be different if there have been complications or mother is exhausted.

DD is 7. She was born by planned c-section in the morning. My parents came that afternoon. My PIL and SIL came the next day.

We went home on day 4. My parents came back a week or so later and we had our first visits from wider family (my aunt) by the time DD was 9 days old. Friends from about 2 weeks. My in-laws came back again before she was 3 weeks old.

Basically I was just happy so many people wanted to meet our beautiful baby.

It helps everyone was kinda and considerate.

Well the local shopkeepers took interest in all of mine. Maybe you live in a large town/ city where it's more anonymous

I agree. I just couldn’t wait to introduce my babies to family and friends. I would have gone stir crazy with boredom if I hadn’t had regular visitors once at home.
Everyone is different though.

Honestly I was gutted they made me wait 24 hours for guests after my second was born. I was far too poorly for guests to be fair. But I love showing off my newborns to the family. My in laws were a God send when I had my first I remember walking through the door home. Handing dd to my mil and just asking her to wake me if she needed feeding. Then off to bed for a couple hours. My mil was delighted to bond with her first grand child. I was delighted to sleep.

I know it varies person by person. But new babies are so precious and to be shared in my opinion.

Why are people acting as if grandparents not meeting a baby within 24 hours of birth means they don’t see them until their 1st birthday?

They aren't. They are acting as if not meeting the baby for anywhere between 3 days and three weeks means they don't meet them for between 3 days and 3 weeks. Unless there is a really good reason, such as the mother or the baby being very ill or they are traumatised with abnormally severe birth injuries or whatever, it's a bit precious and unnecessary. Especially when it usually only applies to one side of the family but not the other. It's manipulative power play. It's unkind. And unfair to your partner.

To announce in advance to your partner's family that you will be requiring 1 or 2 weeks or a month of complete solitude to bond and heal etc (apart from your mum, your dad, your sister and your two best friends who all have special passes because you can't possibly cope without them) is just unfair and direspectful to your partner who will have to disappoint his own parents.

He deserves to have that moment of showing off his baby in the first few days as well. But he's probably too terrified to suggest it in case you act like he's just told you to go out in the snow and change a tyre on the car in your nightie with a baby latched to your breast and passing blood clots.

Well assuming you and another poster are correct that this person was wrong in the advice given in antenatal classes, thank goodness for that.

I breastfed both of mine so never had the relatives wanting to give the baby a bottle issue, also my parents and mother in law were nothing but wonderful and kind so I can't remember any eye rolling, in fact I do remember my mum specifically saying she wouldn't judge as she remembers her mum also saying she wouldn't judge new advice, and her mum before that, the biggest one was how to put the baby to sleep, front/side/back appeared to change with each generation, not sure what it is now, it was on their back with mine, side when I was a baby, front for my mum and I see lots of newborn baby picks at the moment of babies on their front, that might be a social media image thing rather than what they are actually doing though.

I only put expert in inverted comms as I was shocked at the advice and was wondering how 'expert' this was. I'm with you on experts saving lives - car seats, vaccines etc.

Yeah, people on here are weird about this kind of thing but I think they live in a different world to me. My dp's were in hospital on the same night as birth. I would've been upset if they did'nt. I think it's because working classish people are more family orientated. We don't have to make appointments to visit, just a text to ensure they are home 😂
Congratulations grandma x