To ask you how long you waited before visitors

[Starlightsprite]

After you had your baby?

My son and his partner had a baby yesterday morning and came home the same day. I have asked that they let us know when they are ready for visitors and they said that they will.

I am of the generation (is it generational?) that your immediate family were welcome straight away unless there were issues like the baby being poorly or the mother needing more recuperation than average and I couldn’t wait for my family to meet my babies. I already knew people were moving away from this though as I’ve seen it on here so I kind of knew not to expect to visit immediately.

So my question is what were you waiting for in terms if having people visit you? Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously.

There are no underlying issues here by the way, I get along fine with my DIL and son.

Baby born Sunday, went home Tuesday. First visitors on Friday. "Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? " - well, you might be waiting years for this... haha. Give it a few days, and definitely offer to bring food - actually, don't offer, just bring it!

No rules, people visited as soon as they wanted (family was far away so it took them a few days, but we didn't ask them to wait).

I had my sister (luckily she was in the area) & BIL, my mum, my best friend & her partner visit in hospital asap. My in laws live quite a distance away or they’d have been equally welcome (they came to stay not long after).

I drove my mum on an 8 hour round trip to meet my niece in hospital.

Women today do seem to be taking different decisions and excluding family members for a period. I think that’s a shame, except where there’s a history that justifies it.

I was desperate to see my dad and introduce him to his first grandson, as we'd lost my mum not long before. He came to see us two days after DS was born - I wanted him to come the next day but he was having his ears syringed 😂Grandparents on the other side live 4 hours away so I think it was a couple of weeks before they could come. I would happily have seen them sooner, but it was a bigger undertaking because they were actually staying here. MIL came back on her own when DS was about 5-6 weeks old and stayed for a week to help me, which was lovely.

Obviously no-one on here knows me so they obviously will be dubious about what I’m saying but I am a smart woman, I would have an hour tops, wouldn’t accept a drink, would take something for them to eat later, would leave if anyone was having to get their nips out or there was an uncomfortable vibe etc and I think they do know that really. I actually am the opposite of overbearing because I have a really busy life myself. I think my son would probably say I don’t visit enough if anything.

Parents straight away after I got out of hospital (24 hours later with both) Other close family within a week or so. Friends whenever they could fit in after parents.

Family (and close friends) allowed to visit as soon as possible, some came to the hospital. All who came to visit at home understood that they won’t be hosted as normal and most brought food and supplies.

They’ll let you know when they are ready, I know you’re obviously very excited but I’d wait and try not to ask.

I was fine with people visiting me straight away but I did make it clear before hand I’ll let them know when I was ready. Some of my friends haven’t wanted anyone for a few weeks think it just depends.

Congratulations!

Close friends and family visited from the day after we got home. We put PILs off once we were home, as despite telling everyone we didn’t want visitors in hospital as I had a very difficult birth, they turned up anyway. I never felt comfortable in front of them. They were weird about breastfeeding and when they did visit at home after a week or so, kept asking me when I was getting dressed as I was in pyjamas. Also passively aggressively talking to our baby saying ‘mummy can make nanny and grandad a cup of tea and give daddy a rest as daddy seems to be doing everything’. 🙄🙄🙄

I have friends who were very wary of any visitors including family. Totally understandable AND the parents are knackered and want to get a bit of a routine so it was a few weeks in some cases.

Our families live in a different country so my mum got to us within 24 hrs of leaving hospital then a week later my sister and her family visited and then my mum came back with my dad and brother for a week.They got an air BnB around the corner.

My husbands in laws stayed with us when baby was a few days old! Actually living with us.

I think for us it was cultural but not sure
my very close 2 best friends came over together with their partners (we’re all really close) a few days once baby was home

I think it's very sad when the new grandparents are expected to wait to meet their new grandchild. I can't imagine doing that to my parents or parents-in-law. They all met my children the day they were born.

I do actually have very young children myself but I don’t want to be too outing. I haven’t slept through my whole adult life. I just meant more like ‘what were you waiting for?’ But that sounds rude and entitled and not at all like I want it to so I softened it with some possibilities 😂

You are the PIL in this case and I know you're not pushy about it but she obviously wants her own family first. When I had mine I didn't want to see in laws I wanted my family to meet my kids first. I got on fine with them, I just wanted my family first. That said, I didn't stop them visiting, can't remember if hospital or home, as I know it's a special time for them as well. I dont think leaving grandparents aside, unless there's issues, is very nice.

Parents, siblings (mine and DH’s) and friends all visited within hours. I had difficult labours and loved having the support and seeing everyone get all excited and loving over my babies. I hope they let you see baby soon @Starlightsprite.

Thank you, I thought I had made it really clear that I had kept it casual. I said ‘let us know when you’re ready.’ And I won’t ask again. I’m just asking for different timescales from different people so I can manage my expectations. I think it’s hard because some people (I can tell) don’t believe me when I say I won’t ask and I will be the best guest you could ever wish for because I am a nice person and self aware but I guess too many people have had over bearing families to believe that could be true 😂

About 3.5 weeks.

My parents visited when DS was five days old. I’d have been happy to see them from about day 3, but they didn’t live locally at the time.

PIL came when DS was a few weeks old. I wasn’t in a rush to see them, tbh, but obviously DH was keen for them to meet DS. (They lived five hours away so came for a few days and stayed locally - I might have been happier to see them sooner if they were able just to pop in.)

My best friend came to the hospital the day she was born, DD was six hours old. My parents, a few days later. Maybe day 3 or 4? His family day 6 or 7. There was no angst, it just happened when it happened. They were all relaxed about it which made it easy for us.

Both sets of parents and sibling were there at the hospital straight away! They were so excited and I would never have taken that joy away from them.
More family and friends just then arranged and came to visit over the next few days/weeks.

I find this whole "bubble" thing cringey and don't know anyone in RL who behaved like that. I think if you've had serious birth injuries/not medically up to it that's obviously understandable but dad can let baby meet family while you rest and is presumably capable of bringing them back to you when needed (within the same house).

With our first, everyone came to hospital as I was in for 2 nights.

With our second, I was discharged a few hours after birth and when we got home, about 10 people were already here waiting! Both times, we had visitors every single day for about 2 weeks.

It was lovely. I’m not one of those MN weirdos who imposes a visiting ban or delay.

About 5 days for my mum and 5 months for my in-laws. But they do live a 10 hour flight away.

Mid '70s, RN Hospital abroad, a couple of couples dropped in the next day for a short time, the following day at one point there were 10 people, visitors, in my 'cabin', lots of presents given, and champagne flowing freely! One the the staff chucked them out after about an hour. We brought her to the UK about 5 weeks later, apparently my father was given an ear-bashing by my mother because he wasn't wearing a tie! Went over to MIL a couple of days later.

My mum came-at my insistence- about 6 hours after mine were born. My in laws had further to travel but were there the same day. I loved showing my babies off and couldn’t wait to introduce them to their families. However, I had easy labours and was very well.

I had them straight away. Didn’t bother me one bit

This is MN standard @Starlightsprite. The baby bubble kept exclusive and relatives held off for a quite a while after the birth.