To ask you how long you waited before visitors

[Starlightsprite]

After you had your baby?

My son and his partner had a baby yesterday morning and came home the same day. I have asked that they let us know when they are ready for visitors and they said that they will.

I am of the generation (is it generational?) that your immediate family were welcome straight away unless there were issues like the baby being poorly or the mother needing more recuperation than average and I couldn’t wait for my family to meet my babies. I already knew people were moving away from this though as I’ve seen it on here so I kind of knew not to expect to visit immediately.

So my question is what were you waiting for in terms if having people visit you? Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously.

There are no underlying issues here by the way, I get along fine with my DIL and son.

My mum visited the hospital. I also remember my mum and aunty being at my house on day 4 and being very helpful and reassuring with breastfeeding.

I would have been less inclined to want to see in laws in my semi naked (boob hanging out) bleeding state, but I’m sure they were around in the first few days.

Couple of weeks for both of mine, however my parents were abroad on holiday when DC1 was born, and with DC2 I was in a lot of pain following the emergency c-section. Paracetamol wasn't effective and it took a week for my prescription painkillers to become available plus struggling to establish bf (didn't realise that DC2 had a tongue tie) so I really wasn't up for hosting or visiting. Had it been easier it probably would have been sooner though, probably within a few days.

Yeah, when did this "bubble thing" start 😂

Both sets of parents met our babies on the day they were born. With our first child, we stopped off at my in-law’s on our way to stay at a community hospital (baby born in a main hospital in a local city), and my parents met us there.

With our youngest, we were discharged the same day he was born, and both sets of parents came over later that day (mainly to bring our eldest home, but also to visit our newborn).

I had grandparents and half siblings visit in hospital. All the rest after I got home (was in for about 3 days). Husband took no time off work (self employed) .

In-laws came to the hospital (as did BIL & SIL with DD then back to ours where we had to order pizza). My family were later as they live 250 miles away. I would always let family come for a short ish visit on day 1 if all well.

I wouldn't take it personally at all (which it doesn't sound like you are, it sounds like you're being really respectful).

I had long labours with my kids (days not hours), zero sleep on the delivery ward and a 24 hour wait after delivery to be allowed home and got home late at night both times.

I was so tired and therefore a bit grumpy and I didn't want that to taint the first meeting, also I could hardly move and needed bed rest. So we had a day at home to ourselves then staggered the grandparents visits (3 sets!) the following day so it wasn't overwhelming. This was with the except of one grandparent who met our second baby the night we brought him home, as they had been caring for our eldest. I had warned them they would have to wait until we were ready, but I was ready much sooner than I anticipated to be honest!

I certainly didn't want anyone coming into the hospital (it was COVID times anyway so wasn't an option which removed that expectation) and I cannot see how that would be a nice environment to meet a grandchild anyway! Unless you get a side room you're just on the ward with a tiny little area barely big enough for the bed you're in and the little cot for the baby, let alone visitors! Also no privacy as you're separated by curtains from the other mums and babies.

If they're breastfeeding I think it's also nice to just have some time to get the hang of that as baby will inevitably need to feed during visits and your DIL won't want her boob hanging out in front of people who don't usually see it whilst she struggles to get a latch! You might recall if you breastfed your own children that the let down on the other boob they're not feeding on can be quite free flowing in the early days with your first baby, so that's another thing for DIL to think about managing. We got breastfeeding sorted pretty quickly, hence why I was comfortable with visitors quite soon. If you struggle then the HV/MW are on you with a feeding plan and regular weighings and it gets a bit stressful and life is dedicated to feeding and pumping until they're at a good weight.

DS1 next day because he was born at midnight but people were in the hospital by 11am

DS2 after 2 days cos was in hospital and it was COVID. But I don’t understand this new thing of not letting people come and see babies

My first was born during early COVID so my parents came to visit us a week or so after baby was born. I wished it was sooner. I wanted my mum to give me a cuddle.

I had visitors in hospital with my first. With my second I was out very quickly, but still had a couple of visitors who brought dc1 to meet dc2. I was out for dinner eith family 2 days after dc1 and had afternoon tea with family 2 days after dc2. Both c sections.

I'm working class, and no one other than DH and the HV saw DS for three and a half weeks. Do I have to hand in my class credentials at the door?

As a family it’s Immediately for family and close friends then a week of visiting between certain hours only for everyone else. People are told the visiting arrangements by text when the birth is announced and two different texts are sent out.

As soon as we were both home from hospital. I didn't want visitors whilst I was in hospital so about 4 days old.

With my first everyone came straight away to the hospital. But with number 2 I had a difficult end of my pregnancy and had basically been housebound for a month, I was going stir crazy so asked to leave the hospital ASAP and then I wanted to go for a walk as soon as I got home. I told everyone that I would let them know when to come. They ignored that and turned up immediately!

We didn't, I couldn't wait for people, especially close family (both sides), to welcome our babies into their respective families! We have good relationships with everyone though and also people would visit and happily bring bits of shopping if asked, they'd sort themselves out with cups of tea if needed, help entertain the older child/ren and so on. So it was a help and good company too.

I think parents (both sides) should be able to visit in the first few days. With my first my in-laws came for a brief visit to the hospital the day I gave birth. Can’t remember what happened second time and it was only 16 years ago!

Grandparents came to visit in the hospital and at home, more than welcome.

We did ask for two weeks to ourselves before overnight stays though.

My daughter wanted me to visit as soon as she’d given birth. Mind you, it could be because she knew I’d bring up M&S fresh fruit and prawn salads. 😉

Not at all. I'm fond of my parents and my PILs -- and in fact my PILs and SIL met DS before my parents did.

It's just that when you have a child in a different country to your family, having them visit to see your baby becomes a big production, especially if, like my parents and PILs, they have to be collected from LHR, escorted to our flat on the tube, found accommodation elsewhere (we had a tiny one-bed flat and I wasn't going to sleep on the living room floor after a CS) and fed, looked after escorted back and forth to wherever they're staying every day for as long as they're staying because they can't cope with London public transport.

It's not always a matter of people nipping in for an hour the day you give birth. Sometimes it involves hosting visitors who need a lot of looking after after a difficult birth.

And surely it's very easy to understand why that's not straightforward when you've just given birth.

In fact, it cracks me up that on Mn, the forum where disproportionate numbers of posters regard visitors with frank horror, and who can't have even the quickest of callers throughout the door without scrubbing the house from attic to front steps, that there seems to be a general notion that not seeing visitors immediately after giving birth is somehow 'precious'.

Why? Were you both extremely ill or something? Or did both sides of your family live hundreds or thousands of miles away?

Edited to say: just seen your other post, and yes they do! Fair enough.

In fact, it cracks me up that on Mn, the forum where disproportionate numbers of posters regard visitors with frank horror, and who can't have even the quickest of callers throughout the door without scrubbing the house from attic to front steps, that there seems to be a general notion that not seeing visitors immediately after giving birth is somehow 'precious'

Yes but those very people who are terrified or letting visitors in the door full stop or without three weeks notice and a deep clean, are probably the exact same ones intent on gatekeeping their babies for the first month and then probably still finding reasons why their partner's parents can't see the baby for too long, or too often. They are just uptight and controlling generally and motherhood gives them the perfect excuse to be even more so.

I gave birth during lockdown so a totally different situation. No visitors to hospital (even DH had to leave 1 hour after the birth and was only allowed in 2 hours before) I think my parents met DD 2 or 3 days later . In Laws we facetimed but i dont think they met DD until 1 month later due to them being poorly.

It’s pretty average, plenty of people stay in longer. Both my dc needed monitoring for 24 hours and with ds1 I needed help with feeding. I only know one person who was home the same day.

It’s not a load of bollocks not anyone convinced me it was the right thing. I asked for 2 weeks in my case after I had my first and only baby. The whole experience was incredibly overwhelming and I couldn’t face having to also deal with visitors. Everyone is different, and I’m glad families on both sides understood and respected us

Parents and siblings came to hospital after a few hours and were welcome to pop in whenever they wanted when we got home. We had other visitors after a few days. I had no complications and baby was in perfect health though.