To ask you how long you waited before visitors

[Starlightsprite]

After you had your baby?

My son and his partner had a baby yesterday morning and came home the same day. I have asked that they let us know when they are ready for visitors and they said that they will.

I am of the generation (is it generational?) that your immediate family were welcome straight away unless there were issues like the baby being poorly or the mother needing more recuperation than average and I couldn’t wait for my family to meet my babies. I already knew people were moving away from this though as I’ve seen it on here so I kind of knew not to expect to visit immediately.

So my question is what were you waiting for in terms if having people visit you? Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously.

There are no underlying issues here by the way, I get along fine with my DIL and son.

Your parents may have behaved like that. Mine didn’t nor did I or any of my friends.

they might not have done that, but I’m sure there were other elements of your upbringing that you wouldn’t replicate if you’re over the age of thirty, on your own children now.

And I’m sure there are aspects of your parenting that your children won’t replicate with their children too.

Yes, that’s the whole point isn’t it! 1) societal norms and expectations change. 2) we repair the damage we feel was inflicted and aim to break generational trauma

Gosh well our DS was preemie and in the NICU for 2 weeks plus crazy Covid times so there was only DH and I able to see him while he was in hospital. When we got him home - I think we had parents over a few days later over a week (all live a number of hours away so involved hosting for 2/3 nights each).

I’d recommend just playing it by ear a bit and rolling with it - probably they’re all over the place and trying to find themselves!! It’ll all come good - just don’t push it!!

I invited my family over pretty much straight away both times and in hindsight I wish I had waited a bit. But I have an awkward relationship with most of my family. Was trying to pretend there was a closeness there by having them straight over and actually it just felt too soon. Currently have #3 on board and not planning to see anyone for few days/a week this time.

With #1 we had really good friends due over the night before the baby arrived and I just didn't cancel. Also didn't tell them the baby was there 🤣 that was quite fun.

Lol we did even have a car so not likely to be left in it. I enjoyed the " treat" of a coke and bag of crisps sat outside the pub. Never allowed fizzy drinks otherwise

Without the car I'm my sure what people are getting so uptight about this for

With our first, all our close relatives came to visit in the hospital as we were in for a few days. With our second, my in laws were staying to help with our oldest so met the second born when we got home from hospital the following morning. I would have been sad if everyone stayed away as I really wanted to see our family. I remember the midwife being horrified that I had lots of family coming for lunch when the baby was a few days old but I had the easiest time as our parents sorted lunch & I didn't have to move a muscle. I hope you get to meet your grandchild soon.

Or Philip Larkin was spot on. “Generational trauma”! 😂

My eldest was born in March 2020 so… 3/4 months until grandparents met her in person and held her. They did come see her through the window though… what a weird time that was looking back.
With my youngest I didn’t want anyone visiting in the hospital. ILs visited the day we got home and my parents visited the day after.

DD1 - both sides of family visited in hospital.
DS1 - was in high dependency unit then discharged myself from post-natal when got there (it was AWFUL) so saw both sides of family at home the day I got back.
With both kids we went out and about over the first week home because I wanted to show them off to everyone.
I had my kids in my 40s and couldn't believe we'd managed it - wanted to show the world as soon as I could. But everyone's different.

We planned family visits in hospital (far less stress and enforced limit on visitors / visiting hours). My sister and mother-in-law visited then as we could only fit two people in the window, my dad came for an hour the day after we got home (scheduled section, so he knew to plan the time off) and we then didn't have anyone for a week after - just my mother-in-law again briefly, who took me to hospital as I was very unwell.

It was honestly one of the things I was most stressed about before birth, and we would have massively struggled if we'd been under pressure to accommodate more people, as there was so much going on - horrendous illness, recovering from C-section, baby not feeding, jaundice, massive sleep deprivation.

Remember that even a 'normal' birth is physically, mentally and emotionally traumatic, and while some people might be desperate to share their baby, it also might be someone's worst nightmare - not everyone feels the same.