To ask you how long you waited before visitors

[Starlightsprite]

After you had your baby?

My son and his partner had a baby yesterday morning and came home the same day. I have asked that they let us know when they are ready for visitors and they said that they will.

I am of the generation (is it generational?) that your immediate family were welcome straight away unless there were issues like the baby being poorly or the mother needing more recuperation than average and I couldn’t wait for my family to meet my babies. I already knew people were moving away from this though as I’ve seen it on here so I kind of knew not to expect to visit immediately.

So my question is what were you waiting for in terms if having people visit you? Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously.

There are no underlying issues here by the way, I get along fine with my DIL and son.

My mum and MIL didn't drive. DH went round with photos the next morning and we visited them both on our way home from hospital. After that we didn't visit them for about a week or so but I am sure there were phone calls. They didn't come to us unless we fetched them so mostly we went to them. Friends and BIL visited us in week 2.

I've only really experienced this waiting for visitors thing on here.
My sister (not a mumsnetter) had my nice at about half past midnight. I stayed respectfully away as I'd read on here you need to give a new mum space. At midday she rang me to ask where the fuck I was and why hadn't I been to see her yet. She was absolutely baffled when I explained the reasoning and demanded I hoof it to the hospital immediately for cuddles and so she could brag about this gorgeous tiny human she had produced.
All grandparents and BILs sister also visited in hospital and she stopped at our Nanas on the way home.
With my nephew I met him the day she went home (about 14hrs after birth), but only because he was born in April 2021.

We had a lot of visitors immediately with our first but it really took its toll.

With our second we waited about 10 days

I've had 4. All grandparents visited in hospital. One V birth. 3 C sections. My sisters came next day.

All other friends and family after a week or so. Congratulations 🎉

As soon as we got home. I was always desperate to show the new baby off to our family and friends, I've never understood the desire to wait weeks. Our fourth baby was born at the very beginning of the first lockdown and it still upsets me that people couldn't come and see her as a newborn.

Hospital with my first. Then second it was the day we got discharged (had her at 10:36 the night before, discharged at 1pm next day)

I think there's more of a trend these days to wait...

With my DDs my parents bought us home from the hospital and PIL were already in my house with dinner ready whenever we were. Both set of parents popped by every day either with food, or to take the dogs out, for about the first month. It was brilliant - I didn't have to worry about a thing, and there was always someone there to help.

But I am incredibly close to my parents and my PIL - holiday together, see each other at least once a week etc. I imagine it would be very different if we weren't as close.

As soon as we got home (which was a few hours after birth each time - but if I had been in hospital longer I wouldn't have wanted visitors there)

My parents came the day after I came home from hospital, I was so pleased to see my mum and to let her hold my baby, her first grandchild for the first time. It is a very special memory. Close friends came a few days later but always rang to check first and i recall one not visting because they had a cold. It depends on how thoughtful and sensible people are, guess I was lucky to only know people who were both.

Mine came to the hospital but honestly I just wanted to scream at them all to go away. I was barely functioning and it was so overwhelming. I just needed a few hours of calm with my husband before everyone else piled in. You’ve done the right thing by asking first. Just be led by them

Right away with all of mine. 3rd was a long term nicu baby and on their long awaited return home I had immediate family, friends and neighbours in for a cuppa. I actually felt more relaxed when we had company as opposed to sat myself with baby replaying the nicu time.

I had visitors immediately. Even though my first labour was extremely long and painful leading to induction and a complicated episiotomy. I still wanted to see close family. My DD who had an emergency section also had visitors immediately.
Obviously new parents should do whatever seems right for them but for us seeing people was much better than hibernating

Im expecting my 4th any day now and anyone is welcome but they need to bring a meal with them and be prepared to fold laundry ect... help with the other kids...

With my family they came over immediately and they were ever so helpful. With IL’s they lived very far away and needed to stay over with us, so we had them a month later when I felt much better. It really is all about the mother.

DS1 - my sister came round the day he was born, we got out at lunchtime. My mum had to travel so arrived on day 3, my in laws never bothered so didn’t meet him til much later when I was ready to travel. DS2 - my parents and DS1 came to the hospital next day and brought us home, my sister met him at 2 weeks because we’d moved away by then, and my in laws met him at about 8 weeks when it became clear I wasn’t travelling to them so they made their one and only trip to visit us. All would have been welcome day 1 or 2 if distance / willingness weren’t an issue.

My mum died 5 weeks before I had my first, suddenly. Obviously I was in deep deep raw grief and right in the first and worst lockdown . I didn’t want to see anyone

second baby had a whole week to ourselves 3rd 9days for in laws.

Actually thinking of it I remember driving to DPs mum ( 10 mins) to introduce her new grandson a few hours after I got out of hospital. .I was proud to show him off and she was so happy to meet him and it was nice to have someone make me tea and sandwiches before I had to pick my elder 2 up and deal with the 3 kids

My mum came to the hospital as I have photos of her holding the baby while I’m in bed. C-section though so can’t say for sure when as I was in hospital four nights.

I didn’t want visitors in hospital and with ds2 we weren’t allowed any anyway because of some norovirus outbreak. Ds1 was born in early hours so stayed in that night then 1 night after, then according to my phone pictures we came home at lunchtime and had visitors in the evening which I’m surprised at given I felt absolutely awful but maybe I just wanted to get them out of the way 🤣

With ds2 it was longer because I wanted ds1 to meet his brother first and have the day together so I think ds2 must have been 3/4 days old.

Gave birth on Thursday, home late Friday, ILs on Saturday and my parents Sunday.

Had in laws over roughly weekly after that, plus one other visitor a week usually. With health visitors etc that was plenty for us.

The first month after Christmas was bliss. We had no visitors, I could just hit my rhythm in mat leave and start to make friends with my antenatal group properly. Lots of long walks with baby in the sling, meals out, and baby classes. It was one of my favourite bits.

If you’re waiting for them to have a good nights sleep, you might be waiting a while 🤣

Every new parent is different and you just have to follow their lead. My parents and my in laws came to the hospital the day after our baby was born. But some of my friends have wanted a week or so to just settle etc. Hopefully you won’t have to wait long, I’m sure you can’t wait to meet the new addition!!

They kept you a while DGS born 6am and DD home for lunch same day. Similar with the others. My DS born 8am was home for dinner that night

I don’t get the new trend of preventing family from visiting. With both me and my brother our grandparents (on both sides) visted in the hospital. With my kids the first was during Covid so no one allowed to the hospital, we were kept in for 5 days but both sets of parents came the day after we got home (we got home late in the evening). With my second my mum and uncle came to the hospital, we were in for less time and my husbands parents came the day we got home. The rest of our extended family - siblings etc all came within a week of us being home.

How refreshing! You sound lovely 😊

I had 10 visitors in hospital for baby 1 and a similar number in hospital for baby 2. Both times from the day after birth onwards.