To ask you how long you waited before visitors

[Starlightsprite]

After you had your baby?

My son and his partner had a baby yesterday morning and came home the same day. I have asked that they let us know when they are ready for visitors and they said that they will.

I am of the generation (is it generational?) that your immediate family were welcome straight away unless there were issues like the baby being poorly or the mother needing more recuperation than average and I couldn’t wait for my family to meet my babies. I already knew people were moving away from this though as I’ve seen it on here so I kind of knew not to expect to visit immediately.

So my question is what were you waiting for in terms if having people visit you? Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously.

There are no underlying issues here by the way, I get along fine with my DIL and son.

You are right it's boring and isolating. I'd have been stuck indoors alone with DD1 for ages if had no visitors

Everyone is different and that is okay.

I don't have a child, but if i did i admit my MIL isn't going to be on the "day they're born" list.
Only my dad and my sister would be invited to the hospital to visit, and i'd want at least a few days at home getting used to life with whatever potential injuries etc happened to my body after birth and getting a handle on personal care if theres difficulty using the bathroom, incontinence issues etc before anyone out of my immediate comfort bubble were in my space.

When I had DS I had him in later afternoon but was in HDU with him so no visitors. In laws came next day around lunchtime whilst I just lay in bed, DH had to do everything for the baby.
BIL and SIL came the next day too, but in the evening and my best friend came when we were out of HDU.
My parent was about 6 weeks later, they were due to come earlier but I ended up in hospital with DS for about a month with a serious infection.

If you haven’t heard anything by tomorrow I think I would drop a message to check that they don’t need anything picked up from the shops etc
Its a fine line to tread to not visit too soon but to also seem not that bothered if that makes sense?
I had a tricky birth with my first, early morning delivery and we were kept in for a week, my parents came in that evening because they were so worried. My siblings the day after. Mil was trying to sneak in soon after he was delivered and sent on her way by the SCBU nurse. 🙈
Baby number 2 people came over the day after we were home.

Blimey. My parents, in-laws and all aunts and uncles came to the hospital the same day my babies were born - any many of them lived 45 minutes away.

But this was back in the late 90's, so I'm not sure what happens now.

my parents flew over to be there for the birth then stayed with us. IL’s visited at the hospital that day.
in my family we see mothers and babies within a day or two. Luckily not had any unwell mums or babies.

My child's grandparents visited in the hospital the morning after I gave birth, (both my parents and in laws) But having said that I didn't want visitors to stay for very long. My own mum was the only exception, I wanted her to look after me but all other visitors took effort. I didn't restrict anyone but just being honest.

Congratulations on your grandchild! When you are invited round ask if there's anything they need from a supermarket on the way, I remember being so grateful if someone asked is there anything you need and I was running low on bread/milk and that's an offer of help I actually felt able to take people up on.

GPs visited the baby in hospital on birthday. With dd1 my mum came round day after I got home, I was so happy to see her.

On that basis dpil also visited quite soon, as seemed only fair, but I didn’t see them as much as my mum.

All relatives very respectful and willing to put up with my new mum neuroses!

What good will asking others when they felt ready by do though? I fully understand your excitement, but if everyone on here says immediately how will that change how you handle this situation? It is personal. Let them have some time so that when you do meet that baby in a few days you can do so knowing that your presence is not an extra stress on two new parents.

Both sets of parents (DCs grandparents) came to the hospital the day after (birth was around 11pm). A few friends came over the day of getting home (Birth Saturday night, home from hospital Monday lunchtime, friends over Monday evening)

Had baby at 11am, mum & ml up at hospital 3pm. Then extended family 7pm, so many visitors they had to do it in turns 😆

Then anyone could visit when they wanted to, I don't understand the wanting to be in a bubble and I don't know anyone who has behaved like that 🤷🏼‍♀️

We had grandparents same day and DB and DSIL same day as they were local. In laws were further so came a few days later.

Could you phone your DS today and suggest that if mum is feeling up to it you’d like to pop by to meet the baby, won’t stay too long and will be bringing a cake, or ask if they would like some shopping dropped off? I think as grandparents that’s fairly ok and not pushy. However if she is having post partum issues and may not wish to go into detail, they may need to delay a day or so before anyone goes in but you’d understand that I’m sure.

OP already said let me know when you’re ready for visiting and they said they’ll let her know. It’s only been less than 24 hours since they’ve been home. If OP asks again, on the same day about popping over it would look overbearing imo.

I think OP is best giving it another 2 days then phoning and asking.

I wouldn't have wanted anyone staying with us but immediate family (parents/siblings) would have been very welcome to visit to meet the baby.

I would have wanted both sets of parents to visit at the hospital if possible. I was so excited for everyone to meet him!

Turns out my baby was born during a lockdown so no one met him!

Both sets of parents visited in hospital with DC1 and I was only in 36 hours. As did one of DH’s siblings and his cousin and spouse as they were going on holiday for two weeks.

My sibling was on the way to the hospital and was told to go to the house because we’d been released. DH’s other sibs were variously at the other side of the country or world.

DC2 we were in hospital for over two weeks, both sets of parents and one of DH’s siblings visited. My sibling was in hospital as their own child was born shortly after mine. The other sibs visited when we were home for about 10 hours in the middle of our 2 week stay, before we were readmitted.

With our siblings babies, we didn’t visit in hospital, but very soon after they were home. The cousin who visited DC1 was desperate to show off their offspring and had us there the day they were released.

I don’t get this ‘newborn’ only us bubble. You miss out on so much support and joy!

Do ask again! MN is not the place to ask. They’re probably sitting there thinking why is she not that bothered?!

And don’t assume your son has passed on that you messaged or that he’s in any way dynamic or thoughtful 🤣. Get round there and meet your grandchild, with some prior warning obvs.

I had complicated protracted c sections with both and a GA with the first and in recovery for two days so not allowed visitors till we were stable. Parents and DSC came to the hospital once we were on the ward. With the second mum brought older DC to the hospital the day after and everyone else met the baby once we were home within a couple of days.

Despite everything that went on both times I was desperate for people to meet my babies and (nearly) all of our family and friends are very thoughtful and considerate.

Id check in and ask how they are and if they need any help with shopping etc.
I never minded visitors apart from the ones that expected us to wash up after them....

No one on day 1.

DS was born late morning and DH said no when PIL wanted to come that afternoon. I’d had a second degree tear with a lot of bruising and I’d been up all night. They were upset as they’d seen their first DGC the same day but she was born in the middle of the night not two hours before visiting time. They also live 80 miles away so they wouldn’t have wanted to only stay for 30 minutes. They couldn’t come on day 2 as they were at a wedding. They came on day 3.

My DF saw him about a week later when we were home as he was on holiday. It hadn’t occurred to him that DS might be born well past my due date!

So our first visitors came on day 2 in the evening - first our good friends who knew about our infertility journey and just stayed for about 20 minutes, and then my aunt and cousin. That was a lovely hour.

With DS2, born in the afternoon, MIL came the first evening with DH and DS1, then FIL with them the next evening. DF and DSM came on day 3 and helped us get home. DB and DSIL turned up and promptly went out to our nearest chippy and bought tea for everyone. DSM fed DS2 and I rested.

I'd maybe send another message, see how they are all getting on and maybe add in that you are dying to meet baby but are waiting for them to let you know when suits.

MIL met all 3 of mine almost immediately (with my first 2 she worked in the hospital so popped in during her break. She even popped in when I was in labour with DC1). We had a whole gaggle of visitors with DC1in hospital as we were in for 36h.

With DC2 we got home late afternoon (about 6 hours after delivery) but had immediate family from that evening onwards.

DC3 was in NICU for a while and as it was winter visitors were limited to parents and grandparents. Even my other DC couldn't meet their sibling. As soon as DC3 was discharged though we had the usual medley of visitors.

Thankfully despite having massive families, we all live quite close and everyone who popped in had a quick cuddle and left. No extended visits, no hosting etc.

With dc1 my in-laws came the next day and my parents on day 2. With dc2 and dc3 my in-laws were there when we got home from hospital as they had been looking after the older dc. Dc4 was in nicu so I asked that people didn't come until he was home, although a lot of people ignored that which I wasn't happy about.

DD asked that we and IL’s waited 2 weeks which we all respected for first baby as DD was unwell. This time we met baby at 4 days as baby was 9 weeks early @1.2kgs and in NICU. We always respect the wishes of new parents and wouldn’t dream of imposing. Anybody who does not respect the wishes of the parents needs to take a look at themselves - it’s not their baby!

I am sure it is different now, mine are adults.
I had DC1 in the early hours of the morning.
My family visited that afternoon, followed by DH family.
That is parents, siblings and whoever the siblings partners were at the time.

For DC2 they eventually arrived early evening as PIL had DC1, they came in for a quick visit, and to give DC1 back to DH. We were discharged the following morning and didn't have any more visitors until the following day, as by that point I hadn't slept in about 4 days.

For all my & DH siblings, we have always waited for them to come home and to be invited. We have visited all within 3 days of them being home, the youngest is under 3.

PIL came to the hospital the evening of the birth. I’d had an emergency c/s so I wasn’t keen on them coming at that point as I wasn’t feeling that great.

I was in the hospital for 3 nights and I had loads of visitors - I was happy people wanted to meet the baby.
I wasn’t precious about people coming round, etc and I’ve got some lovely photos of friends/relatives holding her (and DS two years later).