To ask you how long you waited before visitors

[Starlightsprite]

After you had your baby?

My son and his partner had a baby yesterday morning and came home the same day. I have asked that they let us know when they are ready for visitors and they said that they will.

I am of the generation (is it generational?) that your immediate family were welcome straight away unless there were issues like the baby being poorly or the mother needing more recuperation than average and I couldn’t wait for my family to meet my babies. I already knew people were moving away from this though as I’ve seen it on here so I kind of knew not to expect to visit immediately.

So my question is what were you waiting for in terms if having people visit you? Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously.

There are no underlying issues here by the way, I get along fine with my DIL and son.

My fil came into the delivery room v shortly afterwards for my first, back in the early 90's. Not sure it would be allowed now. DC and fil had a v close bond i think as a result

I see this bubble thing all the time on MN but not anything I've ever experienced irl

My parents and in-laws were at the hospital the day she was born. She was born 1am though so I’d had a bit of time before they arrived afternoon and early evening. I ended up being in hospital 6 days and siblings visited after a day or 2.

With my second my sister and parents came later that day too and brought DD to meet her new baby sister.

I actually preferred having visitors in hospital rather than felt like I was having to host people at home.

My daughter is nearly 2 and with her my dad, sister & BIL came to the hospital literally the same day she was born, my mum was there with my husband when she was born so was there throughout. My mum and dad then came pretty much every day for a week😂 I really just felt like I needed my mum during that time, she made me and my husband feel much calmer! For other visitors we waited about a week so we felt more settled, so my grandparents & PIL came a week ish later when we felt more able to “host”. Husband never has had a great relationship with his parents hence why they were in the later group, if we’d been closer to them they would have been welcome sooner.

My son is 9 weeks old and we basically did the same again although PIL have still not come to see him and the relationship deteriorated while I was pregnant so they now no longer are in touch at all so not the same scenario but friends etc we said after a week.

Crikey, they won’t even look the same after almost a month. I find that odd I won’t lie.

DC1 - my parents came to the hospital v briefly. PIL were invited to do so as well, but live further away so opted to wait until we were home. Unfortunately we ended up spending 3 nights in hopsital then were home 1 night before being readmitted, all of which meant DC was over a week old by the time PIL met them and MIL was tearing her hair out.

DC2 was born in the first pandemic lockdown so it was a few weeks for each set of GPs as we worked out how to make it happen as they aren't local.

I think parents not always being local is a big part of the shift in new parents wanting to wait. It means the GPs can't just pop round for half an hour, if there's a distance to travel they are more likely to want a longer visit or even to stay over.

I suppose to sum it up for me, people who were coming to see & be a help to us and who wouldn’t care that I was in my PJ’s, usually with at least one boob out and at least one stain (my parents etc) were welcome whenever. People who we knew were coming just to hold a newborn, take a photo and be “hosted” waited until we felt ready for that.

My mother and brother were at DD1s birth so immediately. DD2 the evening she was born and DS my partners sumuster came ( bringing me food yay) when he was 6 hours old

DH's family visited within a couple of days and my mum was waiting at home after first birth and looking after older child for second. It is a little different with DILs I think as they will naturally feel a little more comfortable at a vulnerable and physically taxing/ intimate time with family members on their side of the family.

When ds was born, I didn't want anyone near him except his dad and me. I went into mega-protective mode and got distressed and aggressive if anyone tried to intrude. Even the health visitor was sent packing, but she took it in her stride. My hormones were in overdrive, but I felt I wanted to rip the arms of anyone getting too close. I couldn't help it.

It wore off at about 8 weeks, and everything was normal after that.

I know you want to see your grandchild but you also want your DIL to feel comfortable with having visitors. She may have had a difficult birth and even if not there may be feelings around that as well as physical symptoms to manage. Alongside establishing a bond and routine with the baby. Try not to see it as a slight if you don't get invited straight away as the priority is her and the baby's wellbeing.

I have a 3yo and 7week old. Long difficult birth first time and planned c section second. I was happy for visitors straight away as long as they weren’t poorly and washed their hands before holding baby.
Although I did then have a few days a week in when the post baby emotions hit me and I cancelled a couple visitors as I just burst out crying with every little thing! Then I was good for visitors again.

Pretty much immediately for both babies.

Every parent is different, I would expect as a grandparent to see your new grandchild within a week (birth all gone well, new parents home and having time to adjust etc)

My son was in nicu but we had grandparents visit when he was about 5 days old I’d say, they were only allowed to hold him for 5 mins. I then had my mum stay over when we were allowed home.

My advice is do not be pushy and understand they might want a few days to adjust, just because you have a straight forward birth and go home same day doesn’t mean mum wants everyone over the next day. She might need time

congrats

With our first, 10 days. MIL and dh’s grandad came for lunch. We probably had a few friends for cake around the 3 week mark. My mum came at 6 weeks (lives abroad so was pre-booked but dd was born at 37 weeks). With 2nd I’m not even sure, but definitely not before 2 weeks. No one really lives close enough to just pop in.

I had my twins by CS and was kept in for 3 nights, both sets of grandparents visited that day in hospital and quite a few friends came over the following day or so whilst I was there.

When we all got home we allowed grandparents whenever they wanted but DH did ask our friends not to pop round as I was exhausted and I'd had enough of people by then.

This was 25 years ago though and it all seems very different now ... I'd hate to wait a month to see my own GCs 🙁

Both sets of parents and our siblings were more than welcome to come to the hospital whenever they wanted and then we were happy with a free for all with anyone who wanted to come as soon as we got home!

You sound lovely :)

Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously.

I think that really depends on the individuals. Some people will want to cocoon, some others just need a little time to recuperate and some people won’t mind immediate family visiting right after the birth… Nobody on mumsnet will be able to tell you what camp your DS and DIL fall into. I suppose you’ll just have to wait and see (and adapt).

I had my family, ex partner’s family and my best friend visit me at the hospital the very day they were born at the hospital, both times in the 2000s. They were passed around and everyone got a hold and a photo. I feel sad for modern day grandparents, it’s so special seeing a newborn member of the family.

Our eldest was born on an evening and grandparents came to visit the following afternoon at hospital (all lived over 80miles).
They were so excited and happy. Great memories.

Totally unacceptable for MNet, was that the 1st visitor was in the morning and not even family. But a colleague. They'd messaged to see if I was doing ok (unaware I'd been in labour). I sent them the pic of baby. They lived across the road from the hospital and asked if they could pop over. It was brilliant. We had such a lovely time together.

I'd had a decent birth experience and was probably giddy with joy. I was totally annoyingly "look at my amazing baby". I was walking to the village shops 2 days later showing anyone interested. I did have my PJ' top on though, under my coat.
I did calm down.

I didn't have a waiting time. My mother came to the hospital the day DS was born (which I wasn't happy about tbh, because I really wasn't up to it after an emergency c-section and another emergency following that, but she just wanted to make sure I was alright and she was happy to hold the baby). When we got home, other people dropped by as and when they had time. I don't understand the sometimes fraught scenarios on here where people are determined that no one will see or touch their child for a set period of time.

Whenever people wanted to. I had no particular rules or expectations and no desire for this "bubble" business.

DC2 was born at Christmas and we had PIL and SIL staying anyway. It was lovely.

I gave birth and was home the same day with both DC. DC1 I didn’t get home until 11pm so had immediate family the next day. DS home about 3pm immediate family same day. Oh and my mum and sister came to the hospital with both. Each to their own but I think parents/siblings should be allowed immediately

My baby is 9 weeks now. We waited 4/5 days for family to visit at home.

I think about 3 or 4 days but I was in hospital for one of those

DD - my mum came the day after we got home, in laws came the day after that.

DS - my mum was at ours looking after DD (she stayed until I came home so that DH wasn't juggling coming to the hospital and looking after DD) so saw DS as soon as I got home, in laws came the day after.

I was only in a couple of days with each so no need for a hospital visit either time and I would have hated it if anyone tried!