To ask you how long you waited before visitors

[Starlightsprite]

After you had your baby?

My son and his partner had a baby yesterday morning and came home the same day. I have asked that they let us know when they are ready for visitors and they said that they will.

I am of the generation (is it generational?) that your immediate family were welcome straight away unless there were issues like the baby being poorly or the mother needing more recuperation than average and I couldn’t wait for my family to meet my babies. I already knew people were moving away from this though as I’ve seen it on here so I kind of knew not to expect to visit immediately.

So my question is what were you waiting for in terms if having people visit you? Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously.

There are no underlying issues here by the way, I get along fine with my DIL and son.

My parents brought us home from the hospital the day after the birth as DH didn't drive then so they saw baby then and obviously came and had cuddles. In-laws came after we'd been at home a couple of hours. Wish I'd waited a bit though as I opened the door and my MIL told me how shocking I looked. Just what you wanted to hear after a 36 hour labour, stitches and an active chest infection.

I don't agree, you are Grandma (or whatever you decide to call yourself) I would never keep anyone away from visiting/meeting new baby, this was years ago, is this a new thing??? How sad

Wow using language like that because people are trying to explain to the OP that new mums with bodily fluids coming out everywhere, sleep deprived, sore, stiches, constipated, in tears and hormonal might need a couple of days to feel upto visitors.

We know who shouldn’t be left looking after grandchildren on this thread don’t we…disgusting language.

Close family and friends came straight away when I had mine. Then again we weren't tge precious flowers they seem to be today.

Dont get me wrong, our families were super helpful when they came over, but even if they weren’t and just wanted a cuddle, fine by me!

Guess you were also the generation that thought smacking was ok and Dad was down the pub ‘wetting the baby’s head’ straight after the birth?

Imagine being unable to understand that it’s ok for people to feel comfortable with visitor’s at a different point and everyone to have had a different birth experience.

I think you just have to wait until they are ready. The last thing a new mum needs is pressure.

My daughter and her husband welcomed their first baby 4 months ago and they said before she was born that they wanted at least a week with no visitors at all
It was their first child and she had a planned c section for medical reasons so they needed time to get used to the changes and we all respected that and left them to it but at the same time let them know we would be there in an instant should they need us
We were welcome at the hospital the evening she was born so we spent a few hours with them then and didnt see them for a week after they went home
I live a 3 hour journey away from them so only get to see them once a week as it is

Being called after 3-4 hours isn't that weird right?

When DD was born we only called parents after 3 hours. I had to be stitched up after my C-section, had to meet DD, have some skin to skin, get settled in.

Exactly that, I’d be upset if they didn’t

Increasing number of caesareans is probably a factor in more new parents holding off the visitors for a bit longer than previously.

My mum and dad visited at the hospital and they were at our house when we came home. We needed someone around to control the big giddy dog we have as we knew she would have missed me.

My sister in law came the day after (husbands mum has passed away and he's no contact with his dad).

Everyone else waited a week. We loved our little bubble. It gave us time to settle in as a family.

I felt incredibly unwell after the birth and my mum pushing to come and see my son when I was exhausted and unwell ultimately ruined our relationship. She should have waited.
I felt well enough after about a month. I dont know why people cant wait, and push the mothers reasons aside. Its selfish

Yeah surely many of the" boomers' as people put it have been grandparents for a good while now. My mum was born,in194- so assume she was a boomer. If she was still alive her GREAT granddaughter is now nearly 17.

I

Strangely enough I've always found that it's about the 3rd day the hormones hit and the weepy bit comes. Before that it's a sort of high.

With DD1 both sets of grandparents visited in hospital the day after. My parents left when visiting hours were over, in-laws sat in the car and waited for us to leave and followed us home. Proceeded to sit on our tiny sofa with DD1 and DH and ignored me, so I went and sat in the kitchen on a horrible wooden stool after shitloads of stitches and starting setting up the bottle steriliser. Vividly remember my parents turning up several hours later (with food, premature baby clothes as she arrived earlier than expected and loads of ready made baby formula) to find me upset in the kitchen, and my very mild mannered DF telling them it was time to leave.

Told DH that was never happening again, so with DD2 only my DM visited in hospital (to bring DD1 to visit) and then everybody else came a few days after we were settled at home.

I couldnt imagine controlling people like I was royalty ''your prescence is required when I say so'' the idea of having a baby means no ones else services are required unless they need to do something for you ie babysitting is odd

Sounds to me like there's a bit of friction between grandma and the new parents. Finally went to visit and posted a load of vitriole/spat the dummy out on Mumsnet. Hope son & DIL don't see the thread 👍

I feel really sorry for your son, DIL and their baby. Hopefully they have the measure of you and they’ll keep you at arms length.

How is it ‘controlling people like royalty’ to ask to wait a few days or whatever is needed to not be in pain, bleeding, exhausted (many examples have already been given in the thread of why people might not want visitors straight away) or just to need some time to settle into being parents?

If you think that is ‘controlling people’, that’s a very sad attitude towards being a Mum today. You really think attitudes move on but this thread shows how outdated some people are.

The bit about ‘when your Husband leaves you for his secretary’ 😂😂😂 Someone is stuck in the 1950’s.

I really hope the family do see this. It’s very odd for a new grandparent to be like this on MN straight after cuddling their lovely new grandchild.

My mum and in laws were over within the first 24 hours of my DD being born. I was still sleep deprived (only 2 solid hours sleep in nearly 2 days) and looked awful and felt so drained and was hurting everywhere. As lovely as it was everyone finally meeting her, I do wish id been able to have just that one day to try to rest and focus on learning to be a mama and just have my mum there because she was helping me with a few parenting things that only a mum is really needed for if that makes sense. I understand why new mums especially want to wait a day or so if anything just to give themselves some time to rest and feel a bit more 'social'.

I also had a couple of close friends come to visit after 3 days and it was lovely but so exhausting. Im due my second DD anytime now and might try to give it a bit more time especially with friends this time not because I dont want visitors but so I can take it easy and not feel rushed into a social situation im to overwhelmed for.

I found that I only really have to set strong boundaries with the pushy relatives, the ones that are insensitive. Of course as soon as you set a boundary they just have to push back (my DF, not my PILs as they are great).

Things are also not set in stone. I had an emergency c-section with a poorly baby late in the afternoon and initially told my mother that she could come the next day. Around 7pm things settled down a lot (I think all the doctors in the hospital had come and seen DD at that point) and I invited her over. I would not have done that if she had been rude and pushy about not being allowed to come earlier.

When we felt ready.

Do you mean you’d be upset if you didn’t get to see a grandchild the day they are born? Or that you’d be upset if your relatives didn’t visit on the day? Either way, what if it’s a difficult or traumatic birth?