To ask you how long you waited before visitors

[Starlightsprite]

After you had your baby?

My son and his partner had a baby yesterday morning and came home the same day. I have asked that they let us know when they are ready for visitors and they said that they will.

I am of the generation (is it generational?) that your immediate family were welcome straight away unless there were issues like the baby being poorly or the mother needing more recuperation than average and I couldn’t wait for my family to meet my babies. I already knew people were moving away from this though as I’ve seen it on here so I kind of knew not to expect to visit immediately.

So my question is what were you waiting for in terms if having people visit you? Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously.

There are no underlying issues here by the way, I get along fine with my DIL and son.

As soon as possible.
First grandchild on both sides.
I was very happy to receive visitors the day after giving birth. Neither side live locally to us so didn't hang around to long - just a hospital visit, then back to house with DH for cuppa before heading home.
I genuinely find it hard to understand those who don't want visitors and to share the joy with your families.

Same day for my mum. Later in the week for other family who had to travel

There was no throwing anyone anywhere. She refused an hv visit, probably brusquely (that’s all that “sent packing” means). She was only aggressive when people tried to intrude - which they shouldn’t be doing without good reason, and for which being aggressive isn’t necessarily an unreasonable way to defend your right to keep them away.

I agree with everything you’ve written.

Hi op sometimes when it’s the sons mum she might be after dil family but might be wrong as some people decide that they want to be in charge of visits and some people are like come anytime but if you have a good relationship it shouldn’t be too long congratulations btw,

Same day, both me and a few decades later, dd, with all her 3.
I can’t believe how precious some new parents are. I know some people can be a pain, expecting to be waited on and staying too long, but surely those can usually be put off. IMO it’s very sad for GPs not to be allowed to visit - unless they’re that sort of PITA, of course.

My first daughter was born 10.40am and I didn't want any visitors to the hospital that day as I didn't get to the ward until 3pm and felt so poorly. My parents and in-laws came the next evening.
Our 1st night home felt quite overwhelming so I am wondering if they could just be finding it a bit much if it is their 1st baby especially as they were home so soon?

This was the same for me. First time round I was in a state and didn’t even want to speak to anyone on the phone. It was Covid so no visitors. I would have really held it against anyone who pushed me at that time. However second time round it was fine and I invited people over the day we got back from the hospital. I think you just have to take people’s word for it they’ll let you know when they are ready. It’s your grandchild but it was her birth experience that she might be recovering from.

My parents came after a month, some siblings on both sides and MIL about a month after that. We don't live in the same town.

DS1 couldn't have visitors for the first 36 hours in HDU following our long labour, EMCS and other complications. We had a couple of visitors breaking up the tedium of being in hospital for 4 days, then a sucession at home. It was Christmas, everyone was free with time to kill and I loved it. I'd had a painful pregnancy and been trapped in the house for weeks before birth. More being stuck at home being bored and lonely was exactly what I did not need.

My vistors were all sensible with realistic expectations. They weren't offended when I was knackered and hurting from the effort of sitting on the sofa for a couple of hours.

DS2's first visitor was BiL an hour after I got home- discharge went through quicker than expected. I slept through that one in bed while DH and BiL got newborn cuddles.

It was lovely that family and friends were keen to come and see us.

I'm not sure if you have but, I would probably phone /txt ask how everyone is. Say Always here for you all and can't wait to see the baby. Good luck.

I'm in your camp op could t wait for the nearest and dearest to see my babies but this new generation want a baby bubble so I'd just let them tell you or you could well find yourself the subject of a overbearing MIL thread 🙄😂

My parents and sister were in the waiting room! So they saw ds within an hour of birth! Then I had to stay in for 4 days, anyone who wanted to came in.
then we had an actual party at 7 days old!

After my twins arrived prematurely my parents were abroad and uncontactable so my cousin in law and his mum visited me in hospital which was lovely and very kind.
My babies were in special care and my parents in law also visited and spent an hour sitting on my bed arguing about where to build a chicken shed 🙄
When my son was born four years later my parents “blagged” their way into the hospital with my daughters just as I was about to be discharged and then proceeded to stay for a week doing absolutely nothing useful.

Having visitors in hospital seems wild to me! I was maybe 5 days after for dad and sibling. Everyone else was a week or two later. Trying to breastfeed whenever the baby is awake etc and heal from stitches with visitors sounds awful!

Off topic but the next time
someone starts a thread asking to name your most cringworthy words or expressions the top of my list will definitely be
'baby bubble' Having just read it again I've still got that nails scraping a blackboard feeling 😂

Day after with DS for all the grandparents, whilst I was still in the hospital. I had an elective CS, so we’d already arranged it. I’d thought I’d be too overwhelmed and out of
it the day of the section, but in reality I had the strongest instinct to show him off, especially to my Mum - like baby Simba in the Lion King!

Family came as soon as they could get to us: I think it was on the day we got back from hospital or maybe the next day (can’t remember!). Hospital visits not possible because of Covid.

But TBH it was hard having visitors as my DD slept a good chunk in the day, but barely at night (some nights she didn’t sleep AT ALL until 2, 3 or 4am). So while she was slumbering at lunchtime and I was making small talk I really wished everyone would go away so I could “sleep while the baby sleeps”.

Also I had trouble with breast feeding and could’ve done with privacy: it wasn’t a case of easily popping the baby on the boob for me. If anyone had asked me if I was fine, I’d have said yes, but I’m not sure I really was!

Perhaps worth remembering that women leave hospital much sooner than back in the day when I think women got a night or two in hospital - maybe some are a bit shell shocked after leaving same day! I think waiting a day or two is reasonable.

I would turn up with food (I really welcomed snacks!)

I had visitors immediately. Literally to the hospital and to the house straight away. It was immediate family first then others.

However, if I had the time over again I honestly think I’d say no visitors for the first couple of weeks.

I know it sounds harsh and ridiculous but it was too much. I was exhausted, trying to establish breastfeeding and get some sleep. People overstayed their welcome and I tried to get back on my feet too quickly.

Id I was having a baby now I’d hibernate for two weeks.

Baby arrived at 9.30pm, immediate family arrived at 11am the next day and asked what I would be making them for lunch. Maybe don’t do this 🤣

With my first, my parents saw them
in hospital the same day and in-laws the second day. I was very traumatised though and would rather have not seen my in laws. Not that I don’t think they were entitled but I felt so rough and battered and messed up that it was hard having them fussing around.
my family are a lot more quiet so that was easier but I found in laws full on. I still think of it now (18 years on!) and want to cry. It was hard. But I probably had post natal depression or PTSD or something. With second child I was more
relaxed and easier birth and was happy to see them all.

Maybe this generation of Mum’s dont ‘suck up’ comments about breastfeeding from their MIL’s or anyone else. My MIL is lovely and wouldn’t ever question how we chose to feed our baby, as any decent MIL would know it’s absolutely nothing to do with her or anyone else.

If a Mum needs a few days or perhaps a week to feel settled, comfortable, not in pain, not in tears or overwhelmed, why would that affect anyone? A newborn doesn’t magically change in a couple of days 🙄

As long as both sets of parents are being treated fairly (obviously providing there is a good relationship with both sets), then I think it sounds more like certain MIL’s want to boast they were there on the day, first to hold the baby etc. Let them get settled, find their feet as parents, recover for a few days (physically and mentally) and then go and visit. We’re not a generation that ‘suck up’ anything.

1st - visitors in hospital within hours of birth, all day and the next too. We got home at 4.30pm, we had a house full by 6.30 😂 (16yrs ago)

2nd - child 1 got first visit then visitors from lunchtime all day and evening and the next 2 days I was in. Got home by school pick up for child number 1 and we had a lovely chilled evening just us 4 though I phoned my parents and questioned why they hadn’t come over 😂.. so the next night we had lots of visitors and whilst number 1 was at activities I got some company and then chucked them all out whilst I went to pick up from said activity. (8yrs ago)

i had visitors daily for around a month! I don’t understand anyone that doesn’t want their support network around, for nothing more than company BUT each to their own and that’s not for everyone! I don’t know anyone who didn’t do the same as I did. don’t pressure them but do send messages checking in on everyone ☺️ and ask if they perhaps need food or anything. You can still be a huge help doing the mundane jobs whilst they find their feet.

food - we had meals dropped off, lasagne, macaroni, cottage pies, we also got vouchers for takeaways. Both births!

I agree it shouldn’t need a name, but when certain people on the thread can’t possibly understand that new parents might need a couple of days, I guess that’s why it has been given a name.

If new parents say ‘we need a few days to find our feet/recover’ that should be enough. Nothing else said and give them their space. Im so glad I had that first proper day just us and we had grandparents 2 days after and it worked perfectly for us with our first. I made sure all family/friends visits were well spread out too - the comments show how many people felt overwhelmed with the number of visitors straight away.

No you’re not. You’re the generation that takes advantage of your parents sucking it up 😂