To ask you how long you waited before visitors

[Starlightsprite]

After you had your baby?

My son and his partner had a baby yesterday morning and came home the same day. I have asked that they let us know when they are ready for visitors and they said that they will.

I am of the generation (is it generational?) that your immediate family were welcome straight away unless there were issues like the baby being poorly or the mother needing more recuperation than average and I couldn’t wait for my family to meet my babies. I already knew people were moving away from this though as I’ve seen it on here so I kind of knew not to expect to visit immediately.

So my question is what were you waiting for in terms if having people visit you? Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously.

There are no underlying issues here by the way, I get along fine with my DIL and son.

Most of the young mums I know & there are loads can't wait to show off their baby, especially to the child's grandparents who in the best circumstances will be an integral part of the child's life. This of course depends on the outcome & both mother & baby are well. I'm also sure a few family visitors to meet the baby would never involve the parents having to host. Most people with any degree of consideration would put the kettle on & stay for an hour or so unless requested to stay longer.

I can't imagine making my parents wait for two weeks to see their grandchild. It just goes to show not all 'trends' which come & go are in the best interests of every family.

Straight away, or as soon as they could arrive. In hospital you have to put up with strangers around and it would be disappointing to be the only one with no visitors. Once home, anyone who is helpful, or at least not demanding stuff all the time, is very welcome.

This is mums net where everyone stays in a baby bubble until the baby is 15 years old as no one answers the front door

I don't really think it's generational, just different personalities and how the birth went. Some people want to see everyone they know, and others don't want to see anyone, and neither are right or wrong, just different. If the birth was quite traumatic, she might still be processing everything and not ready to face socializing yet.

😂

Oh my god yes! Funny how they’re more than happy for visitors when they want baby sitting.. sorry your kid doesn’t know me because you let us at arms length for 2.5 years, don’t feel I can baby sit now. Also yes i know our kids are closer to the other siblings children but that’s because they’re allowed to play together and do cousin activities . It is what it is. You reap what you sow a n d all that.

(all cousins have 2 months between all 5 of them- I had twins, older sibling had twins and middle sibling who wouldn’t meet up except on her terms had 1)

We were invited into the delivery suite, and I'm only a stepmum to one of the parents. It was the honour of my life.

Still on this thread 😂 That's amazing although please don't say your 'only' a stepmum. It's a very special position to be in especially if you take the role seriously.

I had visitors the next day in the hospital on both children, and the next day at home, looking back I didn’t enjoy it or feel comfortable, I was sore and bleeding, I went along with it.
If I had my time again, I’d prefer to have not had visitors. Stress on top.

Sorry I don't understand the 'still on this thread' bit?

You’re brave having your brother there !

Sorry, I should have clarified. I've made a few posts on this thread tonight. DH & I are doing dry January. We usually have a few white wines with dinner on a Friday & Saturday so it's keeping me occupied. Off to bed now 😂

That’s a bit weird and you’re lucky the hv didn’t do a safeguarding referral. Looking back now are you embarrassed about how you behaved?

"Lucky" she didn't get a social services referral for turning down a voluntary service?

I think we're all lucky you aren't a health visitor.

I feel like this is often overlooked on these type of threads.

If a new mum wants to show off her new baby, that's great but if she doesn't then it seems as though her feelings don't really matter and she's expected to put her feelings last when she has just had a baby and is probably feeling vulnerable.

It isn't precious to want a week or two of privacy, adjustment and bonding when you are feeling vulnerable, weepy, sore and are bleeding and also trying to get the hang of breastfeeding on top of all of that.

I was rushed into visitors. Wish I’d waited several weeks. Especially for in laws. Handing over my new born at a few days old was pure torture.

A few days later for my parents and a couple of weeks later for my in laws. Both sets needed to stay over and expected to be hosted and it was this that I couldn’t tolerate.
second time around I made them stay in a B&B down the road but saw them sooner and I said yes to all help offered ie I didn’t host them at all.

for extended (but close) family it was about 6 weeks wait and we went to them at a family party and left when we’d had enough.

My advice would be to ask after them but don’t pressure them and be helpful when you go round.

Lol pure accident. He'd given mum a lift and was ushered in. I assume they thought he was baby's dad. . He's one person who is very calm and matter of fact so helpful with fetching stuff for me etc . I think was first birth he'd witnessed as eell

In those sort of cultures there is generally loads of other women there helping out and keeping company. Not someone whol s not seeing anyone except her husband Where's the similarities?

Hopefully your daughter in law in 20 years time lets you visit after 16 weeks. Wonder if you’ll be as happy then when it’s you being told to stay away

I’m not a hv, I’m a surgeon and yes I’d still expect a safeguarding referral to be made if mum is so aggressive she’s throwing health care professionals out of her house and refusing to let anyone come in. That’s not normal

I lived in a multigenerational household. I wasn't bored at all. I was able to take care of my baby, breast feeding and bonding went easily, and my mil made sure I got healthy food and plenty of rest and stayed warm and comfortable and I think she liked bossing me around a little bit.

Totally agree. That should surely put up a number of red flags and I truly hope the authorities were considered.

(Thanks for being a surgeon and the work you do! Would have been even better if you were an obstetrician on this thread!)

It will be a matter dictated by the birthing person each and everytime.

Family dont always come first.

I think it perhaps depends how happy they are to be vulnerable in front of you. Things like being in pyjamas, unshowered, being new to breastfeeding, blood smeared on the sheets. I felt very vulnerable in front of even my parents in the hospital. They only cared to see the baby though so I need not have worried. If they had been a bit more proactive and caring about these things I would be inclined to have them again the next time, but as is I think I will hold them off.

It took about 72 hours for the pain etc to actually catch up with me! I think that would have been the ideal time for visitors to arrive after, once I had sorted out how I was going to sit on the stitches and staunch the bleeding.