To ask you how long you waited before visitors

[Starlightsprite]

After you had your baby?

My son and his partner had a baby yesterday morning and came home the same day. I have asked that they let us know when they are ready for visitors and they said that they will.

I am of the generation (is it generational?) that your immediate family were welcome straight away unless there were issues like the baby being poorly or the mother needing more recuperation than average and I couldn’t wait for my family to meet my babies. I already knew people were moving away from this though as I’ve seen it on here so I kind of knew not to expect to visit immediately.

So my question is what were you waiting for in terms if having people visit you? Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously.

There are no underlying issues here by the way, I get along fine with my DIL and son.

I rather suspected that would be the case.

Well a huge round of applause for you and your suspicions. Have a great evening.

Generally MiL arrived within minutes of the birth (at home). We had champagne then got on with out day.

I live far from family. My daughter was born on the Sunday and my mum came the following Saturday. Others came after that. I thought that’s what I wanted at the time. If we have another I’ll be moving her in from day 1 - and anyone else who wants to join!! I wish I’d had more support and people around me earlier on.

Translation: I cannot address what you’ve said, but I will continue to tag you in passive aggressive comments, as I really want to have the last word.’

Exactly that.

My first baby (DS) was born in the afternoon. My parents and sister met DS at the hospital when he was 4 hours old. They live very near to the hospital.
DH and I took him home later that evening.

My PILs met DS the next morning. The lived a distance away and drove up. Left at the crack of dawn. Bless them.

When DD was born (at night, at home) my DM looked after DS so she met DD the following morning. In laws visited later the same day.

It never occurred to me to not involve both sets of GPs ASAP. But I was very lucky that they were all the type of people to be useful when visiting. Looking after me, making tea, washing up, bringing food. My Dsis cleaned my bathroom after my home birth!

But I respect that not everyone likes that level of contact. Some just need a bit more time and space. That’s ok.

Those of you that brought food. Home made or nice snacks?

My mam left 2 lovely M&S ready meals in our fridge ready for us coming home, they were really appreciated! Lasagne & garlic bread, and cottage pie & veg. Really easy to prepare, minimal clean up and no containers to return to anyone, ideal!

My parents and my sister visited us in hospital when I had my first baby. My mum stayed with us for 2 weeks after the birth as I felt I very much needed her support (I had quite bad baby blues and just felt in a state of shock!) My husbands Mum and sister came to see us all after a week. I think to be honest I didnt really want to see anyone other than my own mum as I felt quite vulnerable- even my own Dad and sister felt quite full on! Try not to take it personally if they need a week to regroup before seeing people- postpartum is a very intense time! Xx

My mum was watching my boy(s) when I gave birth and was present at the first birth. She saw the kids pretty much as soon as they came out! Other visitors were within the week.

With our first my mum and sister were at the hospital so saw him more or less immediately / in-laws came to the hospital the next day . With the second mum / sister visited in the evening with our eldest and I’d had a section in the morning , in-laws didn’t meet her until she was about 5 months as they’d decided they didn’t speak to me anymore . I was out and about to the stables with both of mine before they were a week old so they’d met loads of people .

All grandparents, and my sister met both dc on the day were born. I think my parents, sister and my older child came to the delivery room with dc2. So he was a couple of hours old.

Food was the best gift a relative/friend could bring. I’ll be honest and say I’ve forgotten who brought what babygrow, who brought the cute muslins, who brought the teddy bear vests…but I can remember every single food item and who brought it. My mum brought lasagnes and cottage pie’s for a good few weeks. One of my friends pre ordered a Chinese takeaway for us one night and just text around 10am saying “don’t worry about dinner tonight, just be ready to answer the door at 7pm to a Deliveroo driver.” Another friend brought round an M&S dine in for two meal one night. Another friend brought home made chicken kievs and pre-prepared veg and potatoes. They were absolute heros!

Thank you.

I think it’s individual and also that it’s changed over the decades. Take your lead from them.

First baby was born late afternoon and by the time everything was all sorted it was about midnight later that day my mum and dad then the day after my siblings and SIL. When we were home my mum stayed for the weekend to help out.

Second baby I was in hospital for 4 days. Baby born at midnight but later that day my eldest came in with my husband then my parents and sister. I'm a midwife so I had friends come to see me as soon as we were awake the first day 🤣

My husband's family love quite a way away so they came to stay for a while after both babies were born as they are helpful in laws and don't expect to be entertained!!

The only bubble I envisage is the bubbling from parents who when they need help realise they've distanced themselves so much from family, especially the bond with both sets of Grandparents, they find out they are not a available.

No delay. I personally can't understand not wanting visitors. I was desperate for them.

I can't believe there are actually people who when they have a baby call their own parents extended family. 😂
My husband, my children, my parents, my grandparents (when alive) & my siblings are my immediate family. The same relates to my husband's immediate family. The rest are extended family.

Sorry OP, I omitted to add grandchildren to my list of those I would consider immediate family,of course they are.
Congratulations on the birth of your grandchild 💐

I think it’s important to note that most NCT groups encourage a two-week bubble these days - not even “allowing” immediate family - so don’t take it personally if you won’t! It’s an upward trend.

I think years ago, yes family would be coming over straight away, but they would also offer help, support, time, food. (Not saying you wouldn’t! But times have changed and I think there’s a lot if pressure on hosting as new parents.)

@ I had a home birth early one morning and I didn’t bother to tell anyone! A friend knocked on the door to drop something off and got the shock of her life, as my husband opened the door with freshly hatched babe!

Weren't you bored senseless isolated fand stuck in the house for 40 days?

I read this comment and the mention of ‘40 days’ got my attention and I just wanted to add that having a 40 day lying in period is the norm in at least one culture I’m very familiar with and there’s nothing isolating about it. It is in fact the opposite. And there’s a lot to be said for the 40 days of rest and round the clock care the mum and baby receive whilst being ‘stuck’ in the house for 40 days. Not that I’m aware of why the previous poster was at home for 40 days.

Good to know, thank you.