To ask you how long you waited before visitors

[Starlightsprite]

After you had your baby?

My son and his partner had a baby yesterday morning and came home the same day. I have asked that they let us know when they are ready for visitors and they said that they will.

I am of the generation (is it generational?) that your immediate family were welcome straight away unless there were issues like the baby being poorly or the mother needing more recuperation than average and I couldn’t wait for my family to meet my babies. I already knew people were moving away from this though as I’ve seen it on here so I kind of knew not to expect to visit immediately.

So my question is what were you waiting for in terms if having people visit you? Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously.

There are no underlying issues here by the way, I get along fine with my DIL and son.

I can understand the disappointment too but the new mum's feelings has to come before the MIL's feelings and I think that is partly what has changed. It is more 'acceptable' now to say no instead of gritting your teeth and putting someone else's feelings before your own when you've just given birth which I think used to be far more common.

Of course, many new mums are happy to show off baby etc which is absolutely fine as well.

At 9 the next morning. The nurses took one look at my mum and decided not to protest. You wouldn’t have kept her from DS if she’d had to drag dad over a landmine field.

You’re not immediate family. You’re extended family. It’s really normal for a new mother not to want extended family visiting until she’s had a chance to rest, recover and meet her own baby properly. This is a great opportunity to start as you mean to go on, by respecting boundaries and being patient.

Yes I’ve considered this today actually. I’m not upset or anything. They’re adults and as such would hope they would communicate when they’re ready and who they’re happy to have around, I’ll leave it to them.

My mum and my son's grandparents visited immediately (well, I actually requested my mum be at the birth as I knew she would be the best advocate for me). They were welcome to visit me at home at any time.

My daughters grandparents I allowed to visit in hospital as it was quite brief, it was quite a while longer before they came to the house.

The difference was my mum and my son's grandparents would visit and obviously cuddle him etc but they also helped themselves to drinks, brought food round, washed up after themselves etc. My daughters grandparents would expect drinks to be made for them which I wasn't prepared to do and my ex wouldn't have thought to offer and they were his parents so I said he could invite them round but I wouldn't be waiting on them.

So it depends what the grandparents are like.

How is a grandparent not immediate family?

Immediate family is the people you live with, usually spouse and children. Extended family is grandparents, aunts, uncles etc.

People came too soon for me. I didn’t want to say no but I wish I did. I was exhausted, she’ll shocked, upset, stressed. Nobody who visited was helpful, it was just exhausting hosting everyone while trying to establish breastfeeding, bleeding, in pain, and the rest.

I’ve never heard in my life anyone not refer to their parents as immediate family. This is OP’s son’s and DIL baby. In my eyes she is immediate family.

Both of my children allowed visitors the day after they got home from hospital. No reason they wouldn’t. I also visited one in hospital.

Grandparents are certainly immediate family in mine!

Wrong.

Eloquent.

Am I not? Who is immediate family then? It’s my son’s child. I’m happy to wait I was just asking for different opinions on timescales which I’m pleased to have received. There are some very passive aggressive responses which I find weird.

I never understand the thing of putting off visitors. I had slightly ropy deliveries (episiotomy, forceps & massive blood loss/anaemia with no. 1, csection 6 weeks prem with number 2) i welcomed our parents and siblings same day/as soon as hospital would let them, in both cases

Yes And I imagine for 99.9% of others too. Think my sons grandparents would be a bit upset if I said they wasn’t our immediate family

My MIL came into the delivery room.

Same day for me all three times, in laws and parents (and some friends too) loved it. Everyone made a fuss and had newborn cuddles.

My mum was actually there for dd1 for dd2 I was on a different continent so it was 3 weeks. Friends came over 2 days later with dd1 same for dd2

Baby born at 4am, grandparents and siblings came as soon as the ward opened for visitors.

Got home mid-afternoon, friends arrived a couple of hours later.

Agree. People stop being so precious.

Quote where she was rude. You not liking what she’s said does not make it impolite.

If anything, you’ve been rude. You asked people what they did, and what their preferences were. People have responded in good faith. Yet you think it’s appropriate to be extremely disparaging when said preferences/practices aren’t to your liking or don’t align with your views on how people ought to behave.

About an hour and I bloody loved the house full of visitors for the first couple of weeks with each baby - it's one of life's true joys. My youngest is one next month and I hope every one comes to celebrate that too.

No, I’m not interested in debating anything with you.

Why do you find other people choosing differently to you so threatening?