To ask you how long you waited before visitors

[Starlightsprite]

After you had your baby?

My son and his partner had a baby yesterday morning and came home the same day. I have asked that they let us know when they are ready for visitors and they said that they will.

I am of the generation (is it generational?) that your immediate family were welcome straight away unless there were issues like the baby being poorly or the mother needing more recuperation than average and I couldn’t wait for my family to meet my babies. I already knew people were moving away from this though as I’ve seen it on here so I kind of knew not to expect to visit immediately.

So my question is what were you waiting for in terms if having people visit you? Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously.

There are no underlying issues here by the way, I get along fine with my DIL and son.

No, but you have said that people who want to wait for visitors are cruel and shortsighted, and that they may want to protect their peace but aren’t bothered about “the other party.” Even if waiting is hard, you have to respect their boundaries.

I am! I’m getting a bit annoyed that people keep telling me to wait or not to be pushy. Nothing about my post points to me turning up unannounced or being pushy 😭.

They had form to be fair. I also never showed that I was upset.

My mum visited me every day when I was in hospital (five days), the day after I got home, and then every couple of days. A couple of friends visited me in hospital as well. I was so glad to have my mum visiting me in hospital and at home. She would have stayed for a couple of weeks but we moved home a few weeks before my baby was born and the majority of the house was derelict. We’d only managed to get the kitchen, bathroom, our bedroom, and nursery ready in time so there was nowhere she could stay. My mother in law csme round a few days after I got home from hospital.

I really can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to see close family and friends at a time like that.

It's not super close, but not that far. She lives about 1.5 hours away (and drives).

He was very traumatised by the birth, as was I - as things didn't go well and the baby was very distressed and it was a long drawn out birth and I didn't cope well at all (and we had lost 2 babies previously). I think she realised what a state my husband was in, so came initially to support him, but I did find it a bit stressful that she was still there on the first night my son and I came home from hospital!

My parents didn’t want to visit untill I was at home..They also live about 1.5 hours away, and it was a joint decision.

Obviously grandparents were welcome immediately regardless of my personal views on my in laws.

I haven’t said a single thing to justify your comment or make it remotely relevant to this situation.

I wasn't talking about you at all here. I should have made it clearer, that I was referring to some of the other posts on this thread.

You sound very nice and I'm sure your son and DIL appreciate your patience!

Which is exactly what I’m doing. I do think waiting weeks is awful (I know I won’t have to so isn’t actually relevant to me)

I agree.

There's also the fact that it is obviously the woman who gives birth and if you are sore, overwhelmed etc sometimes you just want your mum and I think that's understandable.

Okay sorry. I have read every post and my feelings are a bit hurt at all the suggestions that I shouldn’t be pushy when I think I’m being the opposite. Same with the comments about people expecting to be waited on when they visit, I would never do that and is clear to me that those people are people that I wouldn’t ever want to see again anyway and I would never do such a thing. I didn’t mean to snap.

Offer to go the shop for them, make something they can eat easily and drop it off, give them the choice of you coming in or not.

And I said ‘weeks’ I think making your Mum wait weeks to see your baby is cruel and I stand by that.

Less than an hour for my mum, by sheer coincidence she was on a train going through my city and rang me to ask if she could hop off. The rest of the grandparents came the next day and a steady stream of friends and other relatives in the days after that. I wasn’t precious about it; they were all really excited!

Yeah and it’s possible that I can still feel like it’s cringe (in my opinion) and still understand that people feel differently. Not sure why you are making this personal - the OP asked about how long before visits and I responded to someone else about the cringe when they said it so it’s not just me either.

No I won’t do this because they would invite me in even if they weren’t ready I’m sure because they’re decent people and it’s the sort of thing my Mum would do and it puts people under pressure. Actually my Mum said earlier that I should just text and ask to go the next day which was a bit eye opening!

My immediate family and in laws saw the baby in hospital 2 hours after birth:) I found it so exciting. Baby girl is now 17 😅

My first baby was in NICU so unfortunately no one could meet him until we got out of hospital but as soon as we were discharged I was straight on the phone to my parents to tell them to come home. All other family members visited for the next couple of days/weeks.

With my second baby it was during Covid so some restrictions were in place but as soon as it was possible everyone came. I don't understand keeping family away.

I had my in-laws at the hospital that day and my family at home the next day, I knew that by having in-laws at the hospital it’d be a shorter stay as there were more of them coming and I didn’t want a house full. We then had the 2 weeks of DHs paternity leave with no visitors. DC2 was in the first lockdown so it was months and honestly it was lovely, DC3 we saw my parents that day as they had the older 2 but DHs family had the flu so they had to wait a bit.

You mentioned you have young children yourself, are you expecting to visit with them? Just thinking you may get asked to visit sooner if you make it clear it’s without young DC, they may not be feeling up to that or wanting to avoid young DC with colds around a newborn, particularly at this time of year with the flu going round if they’re in nursery or school.

She hasn’t been at all rude.

My C-section was afternoon & we missed visiting hours so my parents & in laws came they day after, then the day after that it was siblings. I loved having everyone over to meet baby and also find it odd when people make their families wait ages.

I follow an influencer that made her family wait 3 months !!!

Yes she was rude IMO.

I’d give it until Sunday then send a message about popping over.

Well I suppose in the situation of meeting new grandchildren, it is ultimately up to the mum if she wants visitors or not & a husband over-ruling their wife on that would be flamed on here.

And whilst I totally understand that you a new mother is very vulnerable and might only want to see their Mum, I can also understand why the MIL would be disappointed in that scenario.

ANYONE visits when the mother says she's ready.
It's really that easy, even for myself who never had children.