I know I am being wildly unreasonable about DD’s New York trip but I need people to tell me I am

[CurlewKate]

Dd is going to New York for a two week work trip tomorrow. Obviously I won’t tell her this-but I am so scared about her being in the US at the moment. I’m not at all an anxious person and I’ve never felt like this about anyone travelling abroad before. Tell me I’m being completely irrational!

There's been limited ICE activity but right now they're busy in Minnesota.

She'll be fine but it is pretty cold.

@Fuggleup

do you read the news?

Other stuff in the news:

2025 saw NYC’s lowest murder tally in recorded history.

NYC one of the US’s safest cities for tourists.

Subway crime lowest since 2010, etc.

I know NYC and it has plenty of problems, but picking the most eye-catching bits from the US national news probably gives you a worse sense of the risk than reading nothing at all.

It's also not regularly happening to US citizens. Most cases where Citizens have been detained it's because they are involved with a illegal immigrant who is the subject of ICE arrest. It's usually because they refuse to identify themselves and are generally uncooperative.

She'll be fine. Just tell her not to go and protest in Minneapolis.

Manchester is so middle class now it would eat itself if it could- what the bloody hell are you worried about? If he chose Liverpool THEN you'd have a valid reason to worry! And why do women on here blame everything on "perimenopause", something that doesn't exist- you're either in meno or you're not.⁹

It is just like going to London. Massive territory with all things going on. Most people go home at the end of day, and sleep safe

As an aside:

And why do women on here blame everything on "perimenopause", something that doesn't exist- you're either in meno or you're not.

Wrong. Perimonopause is the phase of hormonal changes leading up to the last day you have a period. Which is your actual menopause.

Menopause is diagnosed retrospectively, so when you've had 12 months without a period, menopause is diagnosed to have happened 12 months before. But it's literally the day/month you don't get a period again.

Menopause is not a phase. Perimenopause is.

Why are you feeling so grumpy about it? Not noticing any hormonal changes are you...?

You’re being completely over the top. She’s going to New York, not North Korea. Don’t worry about it though, it’s easy to be irrational when it comes to your kids (even the adult ones!).

True.

NYC is totally fine. It’s easily the most liberal state. No ICE agents.

@CurlewKate - this is not like you!
YABU!
It is NYC . That's not like the USA as a whole or the worst bits.
She will have the protection of her employers. With full paperwork, credentials, insurance and legal back up.
She won't be on any demos, presumably, nor pull comedy stunts at immigration, nor suddenly fill her SM with anti-Trump memes.

Take a deep breath, resume your normal common sense outlook and have a think about what you would like her to bring back for you.

Haha at the ‘if he chose Liverpool’. Liverpool is totally fine too. The UK is pretty safe, we’re quite lucky people. Liverpool is also a great uni, as is Manchester so either are good options.

Liverpool is safer than Manchester in my view (I live close to the latter) - it’s friendlier and feels safer. And that’s in relative terms, as both are completely fine.

I feel completely safe in NY. But it’s bitingly cold in Jan, that’d be my only concern.

Yes, Liverpool uni does sound like a great place. My DNiece is there and is loving it.

I agree. I was once there in January and I went to a Broadway matinee solely to stop my face freezing off.

I don't think anywhere is safe, jihadis and other bad people are all over regardless of the friendly locals.

All we can all do is live our lives and hope for the best.

I get the anxiety but she will be fine. Especially if white British.

I wouldn’t go to the us right now if you paid me but not because of safety concerns. Mostly cos I wouldn’t want any of my cash going towards the us government in taxes and don’t want to be seen to support that orange maniac in any way.

Yes and peri does of course exist the clue is in the name peri/around the menopause so anyone over 40 will be in peri as hormones deplete before dropping off a cliff causing all kinds of issues.

The pp must be a man or a hapless 30yr old .

Also, Manchester middle class? Have they told the locals?

Indeed. DS wants to go as they can see the Ethiad stadium from the labs, so increasingly likely he will not be rushing home to see mummy at the weekends. I shall be a basket case by the time he gets home at the end of each term. LOL

I do think it is normal to worry even when our children are adults - we are used to having so much input and control and suddenly we have no influence on keeping them safe. It’s a learning curve. Just when you think you’ve let go they head off backpacking in Thailand, or decide to emigrate to Australia! Worrying about them is a hard habit to break. And, yes, this tends to happen when mothers are going through the perimenopause so hormones are playing havoc too!

I am mixed race and I think the OP is unduly nervous. I agree that the US is more volatile than it has been in previous years. I also think that the media is very fond of whipping up terror in order to drive clicks.

This made me laugh. Thank you. Cheered me up no end! Please take this Mumsnet Award for the biggest stretch ever.