I know I am being wildly unreasonable about DD’s New York trip but I need people to tell me I am

[CurlewKate]

Dd is going to New York for a two week work trip tomorrow. Obviously I won’t tell her this-but I am so scared about her being in the US at the moment. I’m not at all an anxious person and I’ve never felt like this about anyone travelling abroad before. Tell me I’m being completely irrational!

No specific worry. As I have said I know I am being irrational/unreasonable.

I don’t know any of these things- she’s an adult ant travelling with work, so visas and health insurance and such is her/their business. I’m only there for the socks!

I would turn down a free holiday to the US at this time, but if it's her work then she doesn't really have a choice and it's likely she will be OK, but it's not unreasonable to be worried.

Can I ask why? I am genuinely curious when I read things like this. I have ben travelling to the US yearly for approx 20 years. Never had issues with immigration, never noticed any difference in atmosphere between difference presidents, been in red states and blue states and had the same welcoming experience. Not really aware of anything political whilst there unless you go looking for it. What is the specific issue that you wouldn’t visit? Lots of people visit countries with countries with very dodgy human rights issues on holiday and I never hear them going they wouldn’t visit because of this.

You will all be glad to know that she arrived safely and has not yet been mugged for her socks….

Because some of us do avoid going to places with dodgy human rights practices. I wouldn’t go to Dubai, Saudi or China for example. Travelling somewhere on holiday supports their economy and thus the government in charge.

The Trump administration is threatening to invade sovereign territory and entering a trade war with those who resist. They’re using the DOJ to go after Trump’s enemies, freedom of the press. They’re turning back the clock on women’s healthcare, there have been rumblings about gay marriage. They have a masked, semi-military police force who can snatch people off the street (or shoot them in the face) with no regard to due process or the rule of law. They’re trying to get Ukraine to capitulate to Russia. They’re covering up the fact that Trump clearly had a very close relationship with Epstein. Trump is already postulating about cancelling elections (and before anyone says he’s all talk - he was all talk on Greenland until he started a trade war over it…). As far as I can see the US is a deeply divided nation hurtling towards an increasingly authoritarian government if not out and out dictatorship.

Why would I want to spend my money there when I could go somewhere else?

I know I’m going to get comments saying I’m virtue signalling, fear mongering, hysterical, what about x country, hypocrite for using y company etc. I have very limited influence but I can (mostly) chose where I spend my money and I’d rather avoid American made products or anything that would add to their economy (including tourism).

Both my husband and I work in women’s health - there’s vast swathes of the US where I wouldn’t feel safe saying what we did for a living. That alone doesn’t really put me in a holiday mood!

New York is like any other city - it has its good bits and bad bits. I lived there and taught in schools in Harlem a good part of my adult life and never had a major problem. Americans are welcoming and LOVE English accents. And on a work trip your daughter will probably be in a safe area in a hotel. And when she has time, wonderful museums and parks and coffee houses, and her American counterparts will probably invite her home for dinner. She’ll have a blast. Just in case- she may need snow boots. Jan/Feb is often snow time!

She'll be fine OP, but the news does tend to show things in a way that is worrying.

My perspective is this, many people seem happy to travel to places like China or Cuba, which are not exactly politically tolerant of citizens who don't toe the line, but they don't seem to worry as visitors much. I certainly wouldn't be more worried about the US unless there is a reason specific to the person visiting.

We were there over October half term and accidentally walked into the Canal Street ICE raid by accident. They told us to get the h@ll out of there and we complied. We also saw the subsequent protests because they were en route to our restaurant in China Town. These were kettled and safe to walk past. Other than that we had an amazing time and didn’t feel unsafe at all. If you follow the local news online you can probably check where to avoid as the raids/protests tend to be reported on very quickly. There was live filming with a small camera crew on Canal by the time we were there. We were in TriBeCa but walked up to SoHo and East to China Town regularly. Above and below that there was absolutely no issue.

I’m with you @CurlewKate You can’t be unreasonable for feeling anxious if that’s the way you feel. You would be unreasonable to try to stop her going or worry her with your anxieties but you feel the way you feel.

Ds travelled to Mexico (via Phoenix and a drive over the border) last year. I was really anxious and actually, so was he but he had no problems. His wife is Mexican and this is likely to happen once or twice a year so I’d better get used to it!

I’m loving your update. I only just found this thread and it’s top value entertainment so thanks @CurlewKate I believe those uncouth Yankees do also have access to cashmere these days so hopefully her socks will be safe and remain on her feet.

As an aside, your worry was understandable but also totally YABU as you freely admitted. That’s mums for you.

Many years ago, when I was the same age as your DD, I was sent to NYC on a business trip with work. I’d never been outside Europe before (especially not on a business trip!) and knew very little indeed. NYC was much much rougher/dangerous back then. Despite that, I loved it! I was there for 3 weeks and had the most incredible time. I met (through work) on that trip people who became lifelong friends and I’ve spent so much time in NYC since then that it feels like a second home to me. That first visit really had a huge impact on my life - in many ways - and it was all good. So I hope your DD comes away with a similar amazing experience. (And you stop worrying!)

Great news! Haha. Genuinely pleased your DD has arrived safely and hope she has a good time in New York.

And lip balm. Lips get soooo chapped in that dry cold and a heavy duty lip balm is a must. She will thank you later!