DS 20 not coping with work - get him to claim UC?

[dswork]

DS 20 has ASD and ADHD. Since 18 he has had multiple jobs and not coped with any in any form. FT, PT, retail, hospitality, admin etc etc.

Every job requires me to support him SO much. I have to help him get ready, deal with panic attacks and anxiety daily. Call in when he can’t leave the house, drop him off and pick him up and through every shift offer support with calls and messages when he has to take breaks . I’m exhausted and he just can’t seem to cope.

He gets PIP. Do I suggest to him that he puts a claim in for UC? To have a temporary break from working as it really doesn’t seem to be working out at all? The GP is supportive as says the stress and anxiety for DS is so high that he’s in burnout.

What I find sad is that the OP has not said one positive thing about her DS on this thread.

oh behave yourself, his positive side isn't the focus of the thread at the moment, she's here to ask advice, not hype him up to complete strangers.

I think that sounds like a good idea. Whilst he’s recovering, he could think about what he’d like to do. There’s some good schemes with the Kings Trust (formerly Princes Trust).

No that very quickly and easily becomes permanent which is no good for anyone.

This isn’t a eulogy. Why the requirement for irrelevant fluffy sentiments?
She’s an exhausted mum desperate for how she can best help her son. I think it’s clear to anyone who’s not trying to stick the boot in that she’s a very loving mum.

Get him to make a claim for UC.

His work coach can advise on potential career routes, training, apprenticeships.

They will also be able to put him forward for a limited capacity for work assessment. It sounds like he needs a period of time to recover, which would be assessed through the work capability assessment

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/if-youre-sick-or-disabled/get-ready-to-fill-in-the-work-capability-form-for-universal-credit/

I hope you both get the support you need

There’s organisations that can support people like your son in work. My friend used to work for one and she’d help with the practical and emotional. Have you tried to find anything similar?

Also, lots of minimum wage jobs involve dealing with the public and quite high stress. He might be better getting some qualifications or apprenticeship to do something where he’s working eg. in an office with the same people everyday.

Don't let him become another young person not in employment, education or training - statistically those that step away at a young age never really make it back. Perhaps a college course, apprenticeship or change of job is needed. But not giving up work and going on UC with no further training or education taking place. I think that is a recipe for stagnation and failing to move forward - he will always find a reason why he 'can't' if that is an option - young people need us to give them the push, it is part of being a parent. Not an easy part, but an important part.

Can he not reduce hours.
Try to work out the issue with these jobs
customers?
unpredictable demands from bosses, colleagues?

could he find a work from home job?

it would be good for someone to start a asd (and adhd?) job agency.

Things like finance could be good.

i think for me the asd issues were having job interviews and when in a job my frustration was changes and often unnecessary and making things worse. And my job was fixing things others had done wrong. Also often theres pressure to take on more work, stay late etc.

The world of work is now very ND unfriendly. (aside perhaps from wfh.)

No NIC with PIP. He would need to claim ESA using sick notes from the GP saying he is in burnout and not fit to work. Or if ESA migrated to UC, then UC. But I heard that health component of UC is restricted to older adults? It’s confusing.

going off work because of anxiety doesn't make him useless or his life pointless. that's essentially what op is talking about, a break from work to get himself well and work out what to do going forward. if op has a breakdown who's going to support him into work and at home. if he has a break down he'd give to be out of work even longer.

yanbu op

It doesn’t sound like that to me at all. The OP and her DS seem to have both been trying their best for two years.

YABVU. I say this gently, but it’s worth asking whether you might be part of the problem. ADHD doesn’t mean someone can’t work. It usually means certain jobs or environments are not a great fit. Instead of stepping away from work altogether, it would make more sense to look at which parts of these roles your son finds stressful and help him find work that avoids those pressures. Universal Credit is a safety net not a solution and its a changeable one at that. If a future government cuts benefits, what happens to your son then? And longer term, when you’re no longer there to support him, how will he cope without having developed any tools for independence? Helping him find the right kind of work and create the right habits is far more likely to give him stability and self respect than encouraging him not to work at all.

No, it would set a precedent for the rest of his life. Continue to support him. He will likely get used to it.

When I tried sertraline, I was vomitng and had diarrhoea for six weeks straight. I lost 1/3rd of my body weight. The 6 week mark was used for me too, but as the side effects were just getting worse not better, I was taken off it.

So there is no guarantee that sertraline side effects will settle down.

She’s also not said anything negative about him, apart from how unwell he is - but that’s not a personal attack.

This thread is about him being unwell and advice surrounding it.

There has not been any need to list his positives or negatives.

Is he on ADHD medication? That can help ease some of the anxiety. I would absolutely agree that is he's in burnout, he needs to stop working and take the time to recover.

So.. you post twice on this thread that is here asking for help/advice, and both are attacking the OP.

Why are you even here?

op be and you definitely need a break, probably on ESA as per pp. I'd give him a few weeks reset until his anxiety is settled and then insist on a routine. up same time every day, helping around the house, look for some online course or training, some low hours voluntary work or work training etc

THIS
Have a look on the autism charity websites .
It is a disability and reasonable adjustments should be made for him !

Firstly OP I would like to say well done to both you and your son for trying so many different types of work. You’re clearly a great supportive mum and your DS sounds like he is trying so hard.

He definitely sounds like he (and you) need a break to regroup) working with AuADHD can be extraordinarily difficult.

He sounds like it has made him ill. He needs to spend time understanding his strengths and triggers, building up his self esteem.

it sounds like the fast paced environments where your son has little autonomy is (like for many NDs) is too stressful. It might be that he needs to find something a little more solitary and less process driven. Unfortunately, with the advent of AI, these jobs are becoming increasingly rare.

Find his strengths OP. Find a job that plays to them.

Find natural ways to manage his anxiety that are safe for his low blood pressure

Good luck to you both

Ffs 🙄

When he is well enough to go back to work could you look at garden centres (perhaps a small one). If he was just watering plants, putting the plants out when they come in on the big racks that might not be too stressful for him, but first he needs to get well

Wishing you both well for the future

Why would she??

There's a time and a place for that and this thread isn't it.

I'm quite surprised you can't see that.