DS 20 not coping with work - get him to claim UC?

[dswork]

DS 20 has ASD and ADHD. Since 18 he has had multiple jobs and not coped with any in any form. FT, PT, retail, hospitality, admin etc etc.

Every job requires me to support him SO much. I have to help him get ready, deal with panic attacks and anxiety daily. Call in when he can’t leave the house, drop him off and pick him up and through every shift offer support with calls and messages when he has to take breaks . I’m exhausted and he just can’t seem to cope.

He gets PIP. Do I suggest to him that he puts a claim in for UC? To have a temporary break from working as it really doesn’t seem to be working out at all? The GP is supportive as says the stress and anxiety for DS is so high that he’s in burnout.

Don’t be so ridiculous.

He has a recognised disability and he’s clearly struggling to find a suitable job despite trying a lot of different roles.

Fair play to him for making the effort.

His disability makes it’s far more difficult for him to secure suitable employment compared to the average school leaver, and it’s not easy for them either!

OP. How did he cope at school? Are there activities that he enjoys that he can turn into a work opportunity?

I’d definitely get him signed off by the GP and use the time to speak to specialist employment advisers who have experience of supporting people with disabilities.

That is purposefully unkind. They are doing their best, who is helped by comments like yours?

@dswork - I also have an adult AuDHD son. Mine seems better able to cope with work, for which I am eternally grateful, but I can easily imagine myself in your situation. It doesn't sound like he is able to work independently at the moment, and if you carry on this way your own health and well being will no doubt be affected. I'd encourage him to stop for a bit and maybe volunteer or something.

None of this is anyone's fault and he's done really well to get this far

@TokyoSushi autistic burnout recovery takes several months to over a year and usually requires significant life changes to prevent recurrence.

I think instead of going straight to sitting at home on UC which doesn't seem healthy for a 20 year old, I'd be looking at support schemes to help him find suitable employment that fits who he is.

He's an adult and assume he won't live with you forever, he's going to need to find a way to function in society.

My friends son struggled massively throughout school and into work but really found his groove when he got an apprenticeship with a local carpenter. Changed his life. Perhaps he's not been in the right roles, would something more manual help him?

My goodness, what a cruel thing to ask

I have your son's issues and diagnosis.I never had any support and only found out at 58.
What helped me was finding something I love so I've managed 42 years mostly full time doing my special interest then home to bed.
Can he do part time and take the pressure off or contact access to work as they have support and transport to help disabled people stay in work.
I feel for you as you sound supportive and lovely.

How about fluoxetine, it is often prescribed for people with existing conditions such as crohns as it is less likely to cause gastric upset (but not guaranteed ) or escitalopram is helpful for anxiety symptoms.
Locally to me the Kings Trust is currently asking for referrals for young people 16-30 , especially those with a disability who are looking to get into the work place and seem to provide some support.
Good luck, I have a 24 year old with ADHD who has needed a lot of support as well.

If you pull him out, I think you need to do it with a plan for what’s next.

Take 2 months out (or whatever is appropriate) but then what is he (you) going to do that’s different to move on. At 20 it would be a shame if he retreated to his room for the foreseeable.

Maybe that is back to college, or a training scheme, or volunteer work, or mowing lawns around the area., or….

But think you need a long term plan before you take the break, or the break could become permanent.

Can you help him find a job that might be more therapeutic than about earning money? Maybe something like working with animals or with plants might suit him? In a situation where he doesn't have to have interactions with people? Perhaps look for a voluntary job like this in a low stress environment which might help ease him into paid employment?

I'd say he just hasn't found the right job yet.

Have you tried the Access to Work route? It could pay for taxis to get him to and from the office, and/or a Personal Assistant to help him organise himself - this would ease the strain on you...

https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

Agree an apprenticeship in his favourite subject.Animal care, hairdressing gardening carpentry with workplace accomadations

Pp meant to persevere with meds not work?

Also rude, and ignorant. People who are not able to work due to the severe nature of their disability, are not worthless, as that poster seems to be implying.

I think what you’re up against here is people’s dislike of anyone claiming benefits rather than working. So this is giving you the answers you are getting.

I think your son should leave his job if he can’t cope. He has difficulties that go above what a 20 year old is normally dealing with. He doesn’t need to make himself unwell and unhappy. A break for now could allow you both to find something more suitable and supportive for him.

im not sure whether he can claim benefits if he voluntarily leaves his job but that’s something you can check easily. He’s allowed a life without constant stress and so are you. Good luck

Yes, I’m aware, thank you.
Steraline is also excellent at calming anxiety and depression.
I have two children who are diagnosed with ASD and other issues
Pushing through would make things worse and could lead to mental and physical health problems long term. I agree but leaving them as they are isn’t healthy either..
Anyway OP, he should definitely claim UC while using the time to build up his confidence or a skill he enjoys, not staying in his room 24/7 only leaving to eat as that won’t be beneficial long term.

I think the key here is finding more suitable medication and a job he enjoys.

What job is he doing atm?

Does he enjoy animals or working outside eg gardening?

Would he enjoy going to a gym in his leisure time?

i think it will be very hard to get him back in the workforce if he just stops working.

OP this sounds very difficult for both of you. If he claims UC and is assessed as low capability for work and work related activities he will have a work allowance of about £600 so he can earn that much before his UC is affected. That might be a good compromise to keep him in the workforce but give him space to build up his ability at his own pace.

All of this! I really don’t think he’d get ‘back out there’ if he stopped altogether.
Like the poster above suggested, my first thoughts were something with animals or gardening. An apprenticeship, or similar, might be a little hand hold until he can settle into something.

@dswork remember, claiming UC won’t be without its pressures. Even with a fit note in place, there will be appointments to attend, commitments to meet, work capability assessments etc. He will have a work coach who will be wanting to see him taking steps towards gainful employment.

Would it be better to forget work totally for a while ...which will take the pressure off psychologically and instead look for a part time college course. Something which is well within his ability...something really easy for him and he is interested in? Nothing to do with finding a job. Just something which might boost his confidence and keep him socialized. Whatever length the course is he knows there is no worry about work for that length of time. ...a year or even just 3 months. If only 3 months he could do another course after that. I think he needs work taken totally off the table, a rest, then a basic college course of some kind to help his confidence. This could be a slow, more careful way of going forward for him. 💐

Claiming UC doesn’t make you able to get a council flat?

OP- yes claim UC for him and at the same time as the first interview, take a fit note from the doctor. After a while this will trigger a work capability assessment (keep supplying fit notes during this). If awarded he could get more money, but it will “turn off” work commitments to give him some breathing space.
all the best to you both!

My son gets UC and pip. Yours will have to do a capability to work assessment but that's nothing to worry about, it just means if he has limited capability to work he won't have to keep going to the job centre for meetings
Edited to add I see this has already been mentioned

I would encourage him to change jobs not leave work altogether. Find a different pace . Do you think he might be a good swimming instructor, or enjoy working in a garden centre?

I would worry if he leaves work, he’ll be safe and comfortable at home and he won’t ever want to push himself outside the box again. so you’ll be back here in a few years asking what to do because he has “failed to launch” and you don’t know how to fix it.

Ps my db has autism but not adhd and he found his early 20s super hard, with the structure of formal education ripped away he found work dreadfully difficult. He spent a year out of work which mum and dad couldn’t afford and there were massive, awful rows in my house to get him to move. I remember with pain as I was a younger sibling and my mum became desperate. He did eventually find a job he liked and had done brilliantly - he even met a girl and joined a regular pub quiz. All unthinkable when he was 21. It was a long, stressful time for my parents.

I was going to write similar response.
would he manage if the work was outside/working from home with very little need for speaking to someone?
I would worry that the downward spiral would continue if he felt he had no purpose and retreated to being inside for years on end.