DS 20 not coping with work - get him to claim UC?

[dswork]

DS 20 has ASD and ADHD. Since 18 he has had multiple jobs and not coped with any in any form. FT, PT, retail, hospitality, admin etc etc.

Every job requires me to support him SO much. I have to help him get ready, deal with panic attacks and anxiety daily. Call in when he can’t leave the house, drop him off and pick him up and through every shift offer support with calls and messages when he has to take breaks . I’m exhausted and he just can’t seem to cope.

He gets PIP. Do I suggest to him that he puts a claim in for UC? To have a temporary break from working as it really doesn’t seem to be working out at all? The GP is supportive as says the stress and anxiety for DS is so high that he’s in burnout.

I would second this post, don’t listen to the posters who don’t understand Autism and burnout. He’s so young there’s loads of time to get him well and find some thing that suits him and the support he will need. I would get sick notes from the GP, don’t get him to resign though because that could make UC more difficult to claim at this stage. Ring citizens advice claim line.

Would university be an option?

You can do foundation years if you’ve not got the grades but you still need certain grades.

It means he’ll still be doing something but there’s less pressure about having time off and there maybe more support available to him.

A good friend of mine has struggled similarly.

She was fine when she started work as it was just her and the boss. Her job was very specific and repetitive. She only had occasional contact with the public.

She left there about 10 years ago and has struggled hugely ever since. She still works but has found it very difficult for the reasons you describe.

She has now found somewhere where she works in a team of three, has no contact with the public, is valued for her input and, fingers crossed, it's going OK so far.

She coped so well in her first job that she wasn't diagnosed until a few years ago until work was unsustainable for her.

I have another friend who found something at 23. He started very part time amd gradually built up his hours as he became more comfortable at work. He is 42 now. He works for the same business and just increased his hours over the years as he became more comfortable and now works for them full time.

They're both autistic. I'm saying this to say that I agree that he may just need to try a few different things until he finds a role/environment that suits him.

Have you contacted somewhere like the NAS to see what support is available? Under the Autism Act 2009, he is entitled to an advocate to support him too. I know because I found out about it through them and acted as an advocate for one of my friends a few years ago when needed.

OP, you're asking for advice in the wrong place, most people on here seem to be both really ignorant of what life is like for autistic people, and really judgemental about claiming benefits (even when they're needed)

Your son is at a really common age for Autistic burnout and the further in to it he gets, the harder and longer it will be for him to come out of it. Ignore the 'scrap heap' type comments, it's actually the opposite for Autistic people... if he takes time to rest as much as possible now, he will be much more likely to be able to work at some stage, whether it takes 3 months or 3 years

And when I say rest as much as possible, I do mean that. Autistic burnout is awful, and for most people it needs to be a complete switch off from life in order to recover. As in watching Netflix for 10 hrs a day, or gaming to 3am, or sitting in the garden staring into space. None of this is lazy or enjoyable, it's necessary for switching the brain into rest mode and giving it a chance to recover properly

This is the right approach. Retail, hospitality etc are often impossibly 'busy' for a young autistic person. But there is something more skill-based and peaceful out there that will suit him.
Important not to become a reclusive, depressive nocturnal gamer.

This is a ridiculous stance. Your value isn't limited to your ability to work and you're not "scrap" if you can't.

I agree with thr others. He needs to be signed off sick and eventually claim UC. You can categorised as Low Capacity for work and work related activities.
Then whrn he's ready id get him doing some voluntary work.

Hand his notice in and sign up for UC.
You can’t both be feeling unwell over this.

Then you can decide the next best steps.

Tell him he still needs to find other work though even if you’re not in a rush for him to do so - it can be even more stressful going back into work when you’ve had too long of a break (especially if you’re autistic).
You don’t want to make a rod for your own back.

Perhaps compromise by creating a timeline of him having a break for 1 month, then volunteering a couple of days a week for X amount of time and then looking for PT work.

I advise on benefits (and other topics) for my job.

Firstly his GP is supportive, which is great, so he can get a "fit note" (to get signed off work) and go on sick leave. He should be entitled to SSP which is more than he'd get on benefits. He can get SSP for up to 28 weeks and when it stops, he might be able to claim new-style ESA. This depends on his NI contribution history; he would need a full NI record for 2023-24 and 2024-25. The advantage of ESA is that he'll get NI credits and it's not means-tested so it wouldn't be affected by any income or savings that he has, or gets in future. He will still have to provide fit notes and go through the work capability assessment (WCA) - the first step is to complete the ESA50 form and then he'd have an assessment in person or over the phone.

If he doesn't have enough NI contributions to claim ESA, I'd suggest claiming UC instead.

And please, please ignore any comments from ignorant and judgemental people who just don't get it. There's no shame in claiming benefits when you are not able to work due to disability or poor mental health. That's what they're for.

If he wasn't working, how would he spend his time?

Is there a different direction he could go in that might suit him better? I know a couple of people asd who are self employed tradesmen, they work alone in a way that suits them. One is a painter decorator, the other is a gardener. This allows them to earn and support themselves but they can take breaks when they need & don't have to have a lot of interaction with people (both find this exhausting/overwhelming). The painter decorator doesn't speak a lot at all, but manages well as he communicates with customers via text and when actually there, there's not loads to say!

This. 100%

The right fit is vital. I have one who works, high level stuff, and they get along fine in their job (where they are left to work by themselves with extremely little interaction, and are even exempt from department/company meetings😁). They earn an absolute trolley load as well. However, if you put them on a checkout at Tesco they would likely have a full blown meltdown within 10 mins and wouldn’t be able to continue. Animal jobs would be out as they are scared of most, ditto for insects so most outdoor jobs wouldn’t work. It’s all about finding the right shaped hole for the shape peg they are.

In my child’s case, while they have extremely limited interaction with people at work, that’s not the case outside of work. They have lots of friends, do lots of things, go out places, but it’s always with people who have exactly same interests as them otherwise it doesn’t work. It’s all about finding the right fit, be it work or life outside of work.

Op, if he has a PIP award this is often enough to ask for reasonable adaptations in the work place in future. He would have to figure out his capacity and ask for support to maintain independence.
UC is not only always for the money although that helps. You could ask DWP if they have any work programmes, trainings or referrals for neurodiversity programmes. They are often short term, but can offer temporary relief and more income and open a pathway for more support/independence. Some jobs sourced through DWP may have built in neurodiversity support as part of their referral scheme.
About UC, I would advise for him to claim UC anyway and say he is unable to manage work due to neuro diversity and anxeity. Ask the Gp for a sick note and present it to UC for 3 or more months. DWP will want to invesitage and figure out if can work.
Alternatively he could just claim UC and ask directly to be assessed for limited capability for work or limited capability for work and related activities. Most people who get PIP may qualify for some elements. This would cover the NI contributions and hopefully get him a specialist work coach for people with limited capacity to work.
Other options are local Mind for the anxiety and mental health support, neurodiversity charities in the area, ask for referrals into activities, programmes or support. The ideal is a longer term scheme that could help DS find his place and figure his capacity for work and support systems.
I live in London, so there are many youth groups & activities for under 25, and most will have accommodations for neurodiversity. Even the local gym here has a scheme for neurodiverse youth. I sometimes see them going for basketball games.
Op, research UC limited capacity to woke and see if this fits him.

I was also going to suggest looking into ESA.
As others have said he/you also need to look into the kind of jobs which might work for him. There are ND specialist job/life coaches who might be able to help him decide on the right career path.

the age that he is it might be worth considering pulling him from work, and looking into returning to a supported setting for education/emotional/social support in september.

DS is 19, same diagnosis, currently at an adult education facility that is part maths/english and part social with a view to prep for the workplace, and they also do supported internships.

There is also the option to look into the apprenticeship schemes if he can find something related to what he enjoys.

A couple of our local cafes are run by charities providing work for people with additional needs. Mostly seems to be young people on the autism spectrum although of course I haven’t speculated on their specific needs. It works well. They work in roles that suit them and anyone who goes in knows the food will be lovely but service will take longer than you’d usually expect.

Can he ask to reduce his hours temporarily, say 10 till 2? May find less hours less stressful.

Autistic people definitely get back out there after they have recovered from autistic burnout. It's not permanent and nothing can speed it up. It just takes time.

Getting on UC due to having to leave his job due to it causing him to become unwell and having a work capability assessment might mean he's is put in the group for LCWRA. He could then work part time when he feels well enough.

Mental health has to come first. If he's pushed too much to stay in work that is unsuitable he may never work again anyway.

There is no quick medical fix for autistic burnout either.

I've personally tried antidepressant after antidepressant for the last 20 years. None of them really help as it's not about being depressed it's about being unable to cope in a neuro typical world. Some of them made me gain 4 or 5 stone which wouldn't come off for over 10 years and then did actually lead to depression as I was obese and couldn't do anything.

Some of them numb all the senses so you literally don't care about anyone or anything. Someone is sad....who cares. Beautiful sunset....so what.. things I would have loved before meant nothing to me. Some caused horrendous withdrawals that took many months of hell.

I can only work part-time 2 half days a week now and have had to accept that. I hope your son recovers from his burnout and feels better soon

Op remember thst people with no experience of neurodivergence will not be able to give you useful responses

What is your network like locally for ND support for families ? In this situation id want to connect with and ask advice from families who have been through this..using facebook etc.

I dont know if you could afford it hut you can find ND specific life coaches who might be able to guide you and him to some longer term solutions

Ive had a child go through autistic burnout and people have no idea

Unfortunately being Nd makes it hard to work. Thats a reality . It will always be hard for him and I hope you and him find a way through this.

It sounds like burnout and that maybe your son is too disabled to work, at least full time. I think a few months off and rest will allow him hopefully to recover enough for you both to discuss next steps. You may need to come to the conclusion that he is too disabled by his ND conditions to work full time. It's heartbreaking as a parent to have to accept that your child may never live a "full" or "normal" life. 💐from a parent of another ASD kid who many never fly the nest.

I think you should take one step at a time and avoid looking too far ahead, at the moment your son is in burnt out, his cortisol levels must be through the roof and I would suggest he stops working on health grounds as soon as possible.
He needs time to reset and recuperate as it’s only going to escalate and spiral in the current situation.
If you cannot finically support him then he needs to claim what he is entitled to. Once he’s had some time I would then look at options, is there something he can do from home, for instance a relative mine with ASD struggles with working outside the home, she is amazing at baking, she makes birthday cakes. She doesn’t take on too many orders and no massive projects but is able to do something that she really enjoys.
Volunteering maybe another route to go down, where I work we get volunteers from all works of life, some work for a couple of hours, some for a full day.
Volunteering takes the pressure off but also gives skills and may help your son decide what is a manageable load/occupation.
He won’t end up on the ‘scrap pile’ or doomed forever, he is a young man with challenges who needs help and support, you sound like an amazing Mum
My eldest son is Autistic, that is only a tiny part of him as a person and he will have so much to offer when he is fully grown whatever path he chooses, yours will too once he’s ready

Anti depressants are not a relevant response to autistic overwhelm. He needs to find a path to employment thst works for him but realistically he may need a break right now with that pressure off

YANBU, he had tried his hardest to work and he can’t do it. He’s reaching the point of nervous breakdown, and you’re both exhausting yourselves.

It is so admirable that he has truly made an effort to work, and that you have supported him in all his attempts.

You must be exhausted. He cannot work just now- when you think about it, you are the only reason he is able to work, without you he couldn't.

He needs a rest, and so do you, you have done so well to get so far, what a lovely mum you are.

Take some time, and then make a plan with him for what's next, maybe part time study, or a more suitable job. But UC definitely the way in the mean time.

Could he try something very part time? Just to keep a foot in the world of work.

I would also be concerned about it becoming permanent, even though your concerns and reasons for wanting him to have a break seem very valid.