To think we should get the best room in a villa?

[hwange]

We’re going away as a family to celebrate two birthdays: my husband’s 60th and our son’s 30th. There will be five adults: me, my husband, our two sons (30 and 28) and older son’s partner.

We’ve rented a five-bedroom holiday house. The plan is:

• One room for me and my husband
• One room for our older son and his girlfriend
• One room for our younger son
• Two smaller spare rooms

Everyone is paying an equal share, and our older son’s girlfriend organised the whole booking.

All the bedrooms are nice, but one is clearly the best (great view and a fancy bed), one is also very good, and one is more basic but has a small kitchen.

What’s the fairest way to decide who gets which room?

I’m raising an eyebrow at all the posts about how the organiser should get the room because of all the work she’s done. What work? She’s picked a house from a brochure! And the people saying she’s been kind enough to invite his family along - they’re paying to come, the girlfriend probably couldn’t have afforded such a big house on her own..

But if it’s such a big deal, perhaps a nice hotel would be a better choice?

And I agree that most birthdays with an 0 are special. I’d say most 21 year olds are kids nowadays, so 30 feels like the first significant adult birthday. 50 felt a bigger deal to me than 40, and 60 is the last one before it gets scary and you pretty much hit old age at 70!

Why so rude?

No, it isn't.

Why?

Of course 60 is a much bigger birthday than 30 FFS! Ridiculous!

It just seems like the more generous and respectful thing to do.

Yes it is. How is it not?

No wonder the planet is going to Hell in a handcart! Everyone is so entitled these days and there are dwindling manners and a lack of respect all round.

You'd seriously take a better room and stick your parents in a smaller one?

Also why do people keep saying that booking a villa is hard work? It takes all of five minutes.

If I was kind enough to invite them along and they weren't paying for everyone, and it was my trip, yes, I would!

What has been either generous or respectful about the OP expecting deferential treatment just because of age? I'm tired of old people being demanding just because.

No, it isn't! You keep saying it is but it is not. No '0' birthday is more significant than another, except 20 is less because we have 18 and 21. If any '0' is more significant, I would say maybe 50 is, and obviously 100 if you make it to that age. 60 isn't any more special than 30. Also, for all the people saying it's bad that the young couple don't want to treat their parents, why isn't it equally bad that the parents don't want to treat the young couple?

I've booked and paid for many a house/villa and holidays and wouldn't dream of taking the best room and sticking my parents of PIL in a smaller room.

Would never have entered my head to do so.

It's called respecting your elders but I appreciate not everyone was brought up with those values.

Going against the grain but I think I’d give best room to my parents/PILs and also I can’t see the issue with younger single son getting a smaller room as everyone is paying per person (not per room). Fair to me

It's called respecting your elders but I appreciate not everyone was brought up with those values.

Why should I respect someone just because they’re older?

Nigel Farage is older than me, as is Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor. I wouldn’t respect either of those.

Ha, can you even imagine?! If I was unlucky enough to host AMW, the only stipulation I would have was that his room would open into a piranha tank.

The organiser always - i hate organising these types of trip, fortunately my friends dont and i always show my appreciation by ketting them have first dibs, small price to pay for the luxury of judt paying my money and showing up. If all the rooms are ok who cares really? Personally id lile the one with its own kitchen but thats just me! 🤣

What's your reasoning as to why you think you should get the best room?

I think the organiser gets first dibs.

Whilst I don't think it's any kinder for the son and GF to be planning on offering the nice room to his parents than them insisting that the younger couple have it, none of us - including OP, by the sound of it, have any idea whether or not they are indeed fully intending on doing that!

As somebody said upthread, it's the British way (for both couples) to insist that the best room go to the other person/couple, albeit not to be disappointed if you do end up with it.

I also agree with what somebody else said: that they are more likely to 'make use of it' as a romantic setting. Assuming that their relationship is strong, they'll probably be wanting to have children before too long - so this could well be their last big opportunity to enjoy a special romantic experience (not just talking about 'physical regard for each other'!) together just as a couple, before little ones come along and their own wants and preferences have to be put on pause for many years.

On the contrary, OP & DH's years of having to prioritise small children are now firmly behind them, so any holidays they go on for the rest of their lives, they can now enjoy a romantic, childfree experience.

Yes, assuming that all of the beds are of a decent, practical quality, I'd also much prefer a little kitchen available than a fancy bed or loads of unnecessary space.

Whilst a tiny, cramped room wouldn't be ideal, I don't get the big fuss about having a huge bedroom on holiday. Yes, at home, it gives you a lot more flexibility to store and arrange more of your own stuff in it; but when you've arrived at a temporary home with only a couple of suitcases of basic holiday packing for a week or two, surely it's nothing to get all upset about?

Yes, you do sound tired @Gahr.

It's not so much about age, as it is about being generous and respectful towards one's parents.

In OP's case, she might have felt very differently had she and her husband been offered the room. She may even have felt so warmed by the gesture, that she would have told the son and girlfriend to keep the nicest room for themselves.

Yes but why should they be offered the room?! You keep talking as if they are entitled to it just because, when they're not. It isn't in the OP's gift to graciously bestow the room on a grateful DIL. Parents are not owed 'respect' just for existing. I am 42, and it has taken me about this long to realise that, but I am actually getting more impatient with older people and their entitlement than I was when I was younger.

Oh for God's sake. 60 is not old.

Doing the booking may only take 5 minutes but the research required to find an appropriate villa is hard work and takes a lot of time and effort.

In my family we toss a coin. Because we're the opposite, all "No, no, you have it, we don't mind..." "Neither do we and its dads birthday.."
"Yes, but its your birthday too..." and on and on we go.

I agree with you @Gahr, in the sense that parents aren’t owed respect simply for existing. And no one is automatically “entitled” to the nicest room here any more than anyone else.

What I’m saying is that if this is a fairly uncomplicated situation and the family genuinely love and care for each other, then I’d choose to give my parents the nicest room, because of my love and respect for them. And I’d be more concerned about their comfort than my own, so I'd be happier overall.

If I couldn’t stand my parents, I’d feel very differently, but then I probably wouldn’t be going on the trip with them in the first place.

I think the proportion of 30 year olds/partners who want to spend their 30th birthday with their parents/in-laws is probably pretty low, so I’d try to look on the bright side - they clearly enjoy your company! I agree with most others that the person that organises should have first dibs on the best room, unless someone else paid.