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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I apologise to DH?

140 replies

WorldMap24 · 15/01/2026 21:12

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable.......should I apologise to DH?

Background is we both work full time, have 2 teenagers, and we share the chores. I would never moan that he doesn't pull his weight on a normal day. The teenagers also play their part in looking after the house / each other.

Today I finished work a bit late and got home around 7pm. Dinner was ready for me (DS had cooked, not DH, in case that makes a difference) and DH came and sat with me to chat about our days and keep me company. He had eaten with the kids earlier.

As I'm coming to the end of my meal he casually mentions that the dog has had an accident on the (carpeted) landing.

Background on the dog. She is 8 years old and is usually good at night, but she would have an accident maybe once every other month. She nearly always has an accident in the kitchen, if at all. She has had accidents elsewhere in the house when on medication previously.

DH says he saw a wet patch on the carpet this morning but assumed it was water (why I don't know). Didn't bother to check this, clear the 'water' up, or investigate where it came from.

This afternoon, after stepping in it and smelling it, he has realised it's urine. He has gotten one of the dogs towels, trodden over it a few times, then left it! His reasoning is:

  • he thought he had trodden most of it out (he hadn't)
  • he didn't know how to use the vax
  • he didn't know what to do e.g. use vax / carpet powder etc
  • he was working from home and had to make some calls (he does use his phone a lot for work but he doesn't usually have more than one scheduled call, and most calls are internal within the company. He can make up time later and is always over his hours anyway. I don't know what time he finished work today)

I have shouted at him for being so thoughtless! How could he see a wet patch, assume it's OK (especially with a dog with her history), then when he realised it was urine on the carpet left it for HOURS to dry further into the carpet?!

He is pissed off that I've shouted at him and is looking for an apology. I have spent ages cleaning it up and I'm furious that he is making me out to be the bad guy. I'm not sure if he was being lazy, thoughtless or a mixture of both.

So give it to me straight, aibu for not apologising and maintaining my pissed off demeanor? Or is he just an absolute prat, and I had every right to show I was annoyed with his complete lack of rational thought all flippin day?

OP posts:
YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:14

Blimey. Over-reacting, much? It's just a bit of pee. He did what he thought needed doing. You can just rewet it and get the rest out.

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 15/01/2026 21:17

Why did you clean it ? He should have done it. Yoganoga - the whole point is he didn't think at all.

Bombinia · 15/01/2026 21:17

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:14

Blimey. Over-reacting, much? It's just a bit of pee. He did what he thought needed doing. You can just rewet it and get the rest out.

No one in their right mind thinks that "what needs doing" to piss on a carpet is to tread a towel into it and then leave it. FFS

Yanbu OP I would be fuming and making him clean it up

sprigatito · 15/01/2026 21:18

I would apologise for shouting, and then ask him if he planned on apologising for leaving the unpleasant job for Mummy like one of the children.

StinkyWizzleteets · 15/01/2026 21:19

It’s weaponised incompetence.
he didn’t want to do it so he didn’t

Boredoflunch1 · 15/01/2026 21:22

Over reaction. He got the worst up. He probably could have done a bit more but it can be cleaned up now. The best outcome would have been you showing him what to do because he didn't know.

TrishM80 · 15/01/2026 21:22

Shouting at your partner is abusive behaviour.

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:22

Bombinia · 15/01/2026 21:17

No one in their right mind thinks that "what needs doing" to piss on a carpet is to tread a towel into it and then leave it. FFS

Yanbu OP I would be fuming and making him clean it up

Edited

That's what I do with dog pee 🤔 Maybe a bit of sponging as well. Then more soaking up by walking on it.

Sabrinatheblue · 15/01/2026 21:22

Yanbu to be annoyed and you should have told him it's on him to go back and clean it properly. Yabu for shouting at him.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 15/01/2026 21:23

I would apologise for shouting , just no need.

However he could have used his brain cells, and used an antibacterial and a cloth to clean it up and then asked for you to show him how to use the vax.

You were quick to anger, he was feckless.

sprigatito · 15/01/2026 21:23

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:22

That's what I do with dog pee 🤔 Maybe a bit of sponging as well. Then more soaking up by walking on it.

How unutterably disgusting.

CatamaranViper · 15/01/2026 21:23

sprigatito · 15/01/2026 21:18

I would apologise for shouting, and then ask him if he planned on apologising for leaving the unpleasant job for Mummy like one of the children.

This. Apologise for shouting at him but ask for an apology from him too.

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:23

sprigatito · 15/01/2026 21:23

How unutterably disgusting.

And yet here I am, alive.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 15/01/2026 21:24

He knew exactly what it was when he saw it first thing but couldn't be arsed to clean it up.
He then made a half arsed attempt at fuck all later on in the day then told you about his incompetence fully expecting you to deal with it, which you did.
Like fuck I'd be apologising.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 15/01/2026 21:26

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:22

That's what I do with dog pee 🤔 Maybe a bit of sponging as well. Then more soaking up by walking on it.

This is not how to clean piss out of a carpet 🤢. Not actually believing you think it is.

LoveWine123 · 15/01/2026 21:26

TrishM80 · 15/01/2026 21:22

Shouting at your partner is abusive behaviour.

So is leaving dog piss for her to clean up.

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 15/01/2026 21:27

Yabu for shouting, of course you are. You shouldn't be shouting at your partner. YANBU for being annoyed but why the hell would you just shout and then do it yourself?!

LoveWine123 · 15/01/2026 21:28

I think you both need to apologise to each other. You for shouting and him for waiting for you to clean up the mess. I can understand why you were so frustrated though…I think you would have had the moral high ground if you hadn’t shouted.

mediummumma · 15/01/2026 21:28

YANBU to be cross.

As the old joke goes, ‘a woman sees a mess and tidies it up. A man sees a mess and announces it -‘Sharon, the dog’s being sick at the top of the stairs!’

TrishM80 · 15/01/2026 21:28

LoveWine123 · 15/01/2026 21:26

So is leaving dog piss for her to clean up.

No it's not. What she did was emotional abuse. It's a form of control.

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:28

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 15/01/2026 21:26

This is not how to clean piss out of a carpet 🤢. Not actually believing you think it is.

So how do you think it should be done?

Because I've been doing it like that for over 20 years, and yet here I still am. As is my family.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 15/01/2026 21:32

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:28

So how do you think it should be done?

Because I've been doing it like that for over 20 years, and yet here I still am. As is my family.

That doesn't mean your house doesn't fucking stink.
You honestly don't use ANY kind of cleaning products, just towel it up??

Farticus101 · 15/01/2026 21:33

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:28

So how do you think it should be done?

Because I've been doing it like that for over 20 years, and yet here I still am. As is my family.

You need to actually clean the carpet. I would be using carpet cleaner (the shampoo kind) on the patch of carpet with pee and water and scrub it to oblivion so that any trace of pee is gone and there is no smell.

NuffSaidSam · 15/01/2026 21:34

You probably should apologise for shouting if this was out of character for him. If he's a good person who's just been busy and not thought it through then shouting is a massive overreaction.

If he's generally a feckless idiot (it doesn't sound like it?) who regularly plays strategic incompetence and this was the straw that broke the camels back then I think you're ok to stay annoyed.

LoveWine123 · 15/01/2026 21:35

TrishM80 · 15/01/2026 21:28

No it's not. What she did was emotional abuse. It's a form of control.

Claiming incompetence so the other person can clean up dog piss is also a form of control and it’s also a sign of disrespect. Give the shitty jobs to the little wife as the big guy has important work meetings to attend. Yeah right…I can see why she lost her cool.

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