Should I apologise to DH?

[WorldMap24]

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable.......should I apologise to DH?

Background is we both work full time, have 2 teenagers, and we share the chores. I would never moan that he doesn't pull his weight on a normal day. The teenagers also play their part in looking after the house / each other.

Today I finished work a bit late and got home around 7pm. Dinner was ready for me (DS had cooked, not DH, in case that makes a difference) and DH came and sat with me to chat about our days and keep me company. He had eaten with the kids earlier.

As I'm coming to the end of my meal he casually mentions that the dog has had an accident on the (carpeted) landing.

Background on the dog. She is 8 years old and is usually good at night, but she would have an accident maybe once every other month. She nearly always has an accident in the kitchen, if at all. She has had accidents elsewhere in the house when on medication previously.

DH says he saw a wet patch on the carpet this morning but assumed it was water (why I don't know). Didn't bother to check this, clear the 'water' up, or investigate where it came from.

This afternoon, after stepping in it and smelling it, he has realised it's urine. He has gotten one of the dogs towels, trodden over it a few times, then left it! His reasoning is:

• he thought he had trodden most of it out (he hadn't)
• he didn't know how to use the vax
• he didn't know what to do e.g. use vax / carpet powder etc
• he was working from home and had to make some calls (he does use his phone a lot for work but he doesn't usually have more than one scheduled call, and most calls are internal within the company. He can make up time later and is always over his hours anyway. I don't know what time he finished work today)

I have shouted at him for being so thoughtless! How could he see a wet patch, assume it's OK (especially with a dog with her history), then when he realised it was urine on the carpet left it for HOURS to dry further into the carpet?!

He is pissed off that I've shouted at him and is looking for an apology. I have spent ages cleaning it up and I'm furious that he is making me out to be the bad guy. I'm not sure if he was being lazy, thoughtless or a mixture of both.

So give it to me straight, aibu for not apologising and maintaining my pissed off demeanor? Or is he just an absolute prat, and I had every right to show I was annoyed with his complete lack of rational thought all flippin day?

I'd say sorry for shouting but he needs and surely already knows that leaving dog pee is just horrible. He basically left it for you to clean up and that'd annoy the heck out of me.

If that’s true ..why did he bring the issue to OP and not sort it like an ADULT?

But he did sort it like an ADULT.

He cleaned it up to a degree that many of us would be comfortable with.

You shouldn't have shouted.
He should learn how to use the vax, and clean the carpet.

No, dabbing it with an old towel isn't cleaning it up enough to be comfortable with.

Who’d have thought a thread started by a woman losing her shit at her (admittedly useless) husband would be upstaged by an even worse woman who happily treads dog piss into her carpet.

Between this, a woman pretending her friend only eats cheese sandwiches and another woman having a meltdown over her husband eating cake she didn’t want anyway, MN is really delivering on the gold so far this year.

You those people are women? I think we may have some ringers for some weird goady reasons

Bet your house smells nice.

I don’t think you know what ‘many’ means. I think most people would be appalled and disgusted by your standards of hygiene.

If he thought he had cleaned it properly he either wouldn’t have mentioned it or just said ‘I sorted it’. He knew he hadn’t done it properly that’s why he told the OP explicitly what he’d done. He doesn’t see it as his job, cleaning up wee and sick etc is woman’s work, he’s much too important to be doing that bearing in mind a quick google will tell you how to effectively clean up such a spillage to maximise hygiene and minimise smell.

He should apologise to her. The OP shouting is not abuse it’s simply someone losing their temper as they are tired and have to put up with a useless and disrespectful DH.

Anyone who doesn’t clean animal urine properly will have a smelly house, they may not smell it but others will. Gross, but each to their own.

No, he patted piss with a towel. Probably from the family bathroom because it was closest.

He then acknowledged that he didn't clean it up properly because he had three different excuses, two of which were that he couldnt be expected to read labels and one was that he was too busy. He wasn't too busy to come down and chat to OP though and I'm pretty sure he considers himself capable of solving problems at work. But no, not at home.

At home he does the bare minimum to pretend he tried and let's someone else pick up the pissy task.

I would apologise for shouting @WorldMap24 but I would also say I would show him the best way to deal with an ‘accident’ as he was wrong to leave it/do half a job - he is wrong about the pee but you were a bit mean and owe him an apology for that.

It can’t be that hard to learn how to use a Vax…. Does he not know how to Google?
That would piss me off. He didn’t even try. So that’d be my weekend to-do for him - Vax lessons (off his own steam obvs).

He got what he wanted - you to clean it.

Yanbu to have shouted at him. I would say he needs to cook a few extra meals to make up for it.

Meh. If I found out my DH had left piss on the carpet all day, I’d have shouted at him to go and clean it up properly and not be such a minger, whilst pointing out that I wasn’t actually a maid. So no, I wouldn’t be apologising. But I wouldn’t have cleaned it up either. He would have.

All this drama over piss.

Leaving your partner to clean up hours-old dog piss, because you “don’t know how to use the vax” is pathetic. So is putting a towel on the dog piss and treading on it to soak it up. The laws of physics dictate that pressure from his foot will have caused the piss to soak through the towel and onto his slippers/socks/shoes, thereby transferring piss wherever he subsequently walks. I’d be furious. The lazy article deserves to be shouted at.

Dog pee doesn’t actually smell, not like cat and human pee. whoever sees it first just get the pet spray out or the vax and deal with it. If you have a family dog it’s everyone’s job to sort it. Man piss around the toilet annoys me far more than anything my dog could ever do.

Oh no no no excuse the pun but that’s an absolute piss take on his part even if it was just water you don’t leave it to sit there all day drying into the carpet getting the vax out is an easy job to do he just didn’t want to do it so he thought he would just leave it for you to deal with. Tell him he’ll get an apology when he learns how to properly clean up the dogs pee.

Shouting is not okay but i get why you were so pissed. When you have both calmed down, just talk and make up. It's a minor thing in an otherwise functional household by the sounds of it.

No clearly they need to immediately DIVORCE. Isn't that the classic MN wisdom.

Dr Beckmann's. It's an absolute godsend. My cavapoo is just out of puppyhood and sometimes forgets.

Oh it’s one of those nights on MN. OP how can you possibly get uptight about a bit of piss on the carpet? In our house everyone pisses on the floor all the time*, just relax.

*just to note, this is sarcasm

Thank you everyone who replied. I have calmed down a bit this morning and will apologise for shouting. I was beyond frustrated and lashed out. No, this is not normal for us.
To the person who said that the dog having accidents will leave markers etc, you're right and I know this. Unfortunately my dog has health issues and this reaction seems to coincide with flare ups. We are at the vets several times a year, she is walked daily (1.5 - 2 hours with a dog walker) and she has bells on the outside doors to tell us she needs to go out. I put her outside every night before bed, give her treats still for peeing outside, and she never has accidents in the day. She is on daily medication for her health issues. She is not in any way neglected, I assure you. She also knows she's done wrong when she has accidents.
Because I know dog pee leaves markers, that is why I want it cleaned thoroughly and quickly, not left to bed in.
To those asking how I would clean it up then, I have started with the vax with carpet cleaner, then used paper towels to soak up even more than the vax could get out. I will shampoo it again today. Then once fully dry I with get the carpet powder down to neutralise leftover smells. I will then give it a proper sniff test and repeat if necessary.

Same. Shouting over this is hardly abusive. Leaving urine on the carpet and effectively making your partner clean it up, is also abusive then…