Should I apologise to DH?

[WorldMap24]

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable.......should I apologise to DH?

Background is we both work full time, have 2 teenagers, and we share the chores. I would never moan that he doesn't pull his weight on a normal day. The teenagers also play their part in looking after the house / each other.

Today I finished work a bit late and got home around 7pm. Dinner was ready for me (DS had cooked, not DH, in case that makes a difference) and DH came and sat with me to chat about our days and keep me company. He had eaten with the kids earlier.

As I'm coming to the end of my meal he casually mentions that the dog has had an accident on the (carpeted) landing.

Background on the dog. She is 8 years old and is usually good at night, but she would have an accident maybe once every other month. She nearly always has an accident in the kitchen, if at all. She has had accidents elsewhere in the house when on medication previously.

DH says he saw a wet patch on the carpet this morning but assumed it was water (why I don't know). Didn't bother to check this, clear the 'water' up, or investigate where it came from.

This afternoon, after stepping in it and smelling it, he has realised it's urine. He has gotten one of the dogs towels, trodden over it a few times, then left it! His reasoning is:

• he thought he had trodden most of it out (he hadn't)
• he didn't know how to use the vax
• he didn't know what to do e.g. use vax / carpet powder etc
• he was working from home and had to make some calls (he does use his phone a lot for work but he doesn't usually have more than one scheduled call, and most calls are internal within the company. He can make up time later and is always over his hours anyway. I don't know what time he finished work today)

I have shouted at him for being so thoughtless! How could he see a wet patch, assume it's OK (especially with a dog with her history), then when he realised it was urine on the carpet left it for HOURS to dry further into the carpet?!

He is pissed off that I've shouted at him and is looking for an apology. I have spent ages cleaning it up and I'm furious that he is making me out to be the bad guy. I'm not sure if he was being lazy, thoughtless or a mixture of both.

So give it to me straight, aibu for not apologising and maintaining my pissed off demeanor? Or is he just an absolute prat, and I had every right to show I was annoyed with his complete lack of rational thought all flippin day?

I didn’t know how to use my Vax when I got it. So I looked at the manual and found out. They are all online if you don’t have the original. I would have been very annoyed if I’d have to do this, after having come home from work when someone had been inn the house all day.

Burnt the house down 😄

She was annoyed after a day at work, faced with an incompetent twat. Not everyone has the patience of a saint.

You’ll be suprised. My dog is almost 10 and the very rare accident she has, I get cleaning product specifically for urine and use the vax. DH doesn’t know how to use the vax but as a grown adult, he knows the standing on a towel isn’t cleaning it up so he if he doesn’t have time to read the vac instructions, he gets on his hands and knows and cleans it properly. I’ve been told by more than one person that they just get a towel and dab it up.

Yep. But apparently any raising of your voice is abusive.

Urine smell beds in and gets worse and worse if not dealt with. It's very hard to remove and unfortunately you may not notice it but visitors will.

Hang on a minute. You’re saying your dog has accidents in the house every other month? That’s is not normal. There is something going on there that is either the dog is not getting voiding opportunities nearly often enough, behaviour issue or health issue. If cleaning hasn’t been done to remove bio markers then it could simply be that the dog recognises these places as “acceptable” because they are marked as previous toilet areas. You may not smell it at all but the bio markers will be embedded in the carpet, underlay and floor board and this may be related to the high incidence of “accidents” your dog is having.

I remember helping my niece move into her new house. I brought my Labs with me and they both immediately started marking in the house. This was highly unusual behaviour for them indoors. Obviously I immediately removed them and on further investigation carpets were lifted and although they had been surface cleaned and there was no detectable smell, there was much evidence of pee stains on the underlay and floor boards that suggested the previous tenants had allowed a pet to urinate many times. My dogs had smelt this and assumed the area to be acceptable and proceeded to overlay their own mark as they would normally do in a park or street. The landlord was unaware and assumed clean because the carpet had been only surface cleaned. Whole lot was lifted and replaced.

It is the only way.

He should have cleaned it up properly. But you shouldn’t have shouted at him. I can’t imagine being in a relationship where we actually shout at each other over stuff like this.

@WorldMap24 i suggest you stop doing things that you don't want to, like his washing

I don't think it's ok to shout at your partner. I would have told him what he needs to do and asked him to clean it properly. He wasn't being lazy, he was working and let it slip when he was probably distracted thinking about work. I would apologise for shouting but reiterate that he should have dealt with it properly earlier.

It's absolutely not acceptable to shout at anyone. For any reason. Yes, he may not have covered himself in glory but you show an astonishing lack of communication skills. I would absolutely apologise and ask him to clean up. Please and thank you.

Do you shout at him often, OP? Because this seems like a small thing to shout at someone over.

Agree

Actually like a toddler, get treated like a toddler. Toddlers go get mummy to clean up, right? Big boys do it themselves.

I would be livid and raise my voice as well. In fact I did, and DH apologised and didn't do it again.

Ah, he made her do it 🤔

I won’t be shouted at by another adult for whatever reason (unless I had put a child in actual danger). Fine if you don’t mind but I would. Yes dog pee should be cleaned properly but shouting isn’t justified. I could therefore shout for any reason I deemed shoutworthy but it doesn’t make it acceptable.

That’s disgusting, surely it stinks?!

Our dog was poorly a few months ago and had a few accidents in DSs room who used this method, by the next day it stank until properly cleaned with the carpet cleaner, and even then I dread what was soaked into the flooring.

But he did clean up. Just not to the OP's desire.

Yes, I love to live in a house that stinks 🤔

Or - no, it doesn't "stink".

If a husband shouted at his wife because she burnt the dinner (weaponised incompetence in his eyes as she doesn’t much care for cooking) is that acceptable, yes or no?

His deliberate incompetence worked and you ended up cleaning it up…to then apologise ..he is utterly disrespectful

Nah, he's a skank! You don't just leave dog pee, or not know how to clean it up, ffs!
Clear up the waste, man (wasteman 👍)

I wouldn’t want to be. Shouting is horrible. Forget about dog piss or whatever, that’s by the by, a partner shouting at me would make me rethink who I am sharing my life with.

I’m with you op. Bloke does half a job and then tells you all about his big boy effort so you’ll finish the job. Even though you’re tired and it’s late in the evening.

It’s like when they proudly do all the washing up but leave all the big greasy pans ‘to soak’. 🙄

No wonder we bloody shout. YANBU.