Should I apologise to DH?

[WorldMap24]

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable.......should I apologise to DH?

Background is we both work full time, have 2 teenagers, and we share the chores. I would never moan that he doesn't pull his weight on a normal day. The teenagers also play their part in looking after the house / each other.

Today I finished work a bit late and got home around 7pm. Dinner was ready for me (DS had cooked, not DH, in case that makes a difference) and DH came and sat with me to chat about our days and keep me company. He had eaten with the kids earlier.

As I'm coming to the end of my meal he casually mentions that the dog has had an accident on the (carpeted) landing.

Background on the dog. She is 8 years old and is usually good at night, but she would have an accident maybe once every other month. She nearly always has an accident in the kitchen, if at all. She has had accidents elsewhere in the house when on medication previously.

DH says he saw a wet patch on the carpet this morning but assumed it was water (why I don't know). Didn't bother to check this, clear the 'water' up, or investigate where it came from.

This afternoon, after stepping in it and smelling it, he has realised it's urine. He has gotten one of the dogs towels, trodden over it a few times, then left it! His reasoning is:

• he thought he had trodden most of it out (he hadn't)
• he didn't know how to use the vax
• he didn't know what to do e.g. use vax / carpet powder etc
• he was working from home and had to make some calls (he does use his phone a lot for work but he doesn't usually have more than one scheduled call, and most calls are internal within the company. He can make up time later and is always over his hours anyway. I don't know what time he finished work today)

I have shouted at him for being so thoughtless! How could he see a wet patch, assume it's OK (especially with a dog with her history), then when he realised it was urine on the carpet left it for HOURS to dry further into the carpet?!

He is pissed off that I've shouted at him and is looking for an apology. I have spent ages cleaning it up and I'm furious that he is making me out to be the bad guy. I'm not sure if he was being lazy, thoughtless or a mixture of both.

So give it to me straight, aibu for not apologising and maintaining my pissed off demeanor? Or is he just an absolute prat, and I had every right to show I was annoyed with his complete lack of rational thought all flippin day?

Sorry, but I think he chose not to clear it up as he knew you would. So no I wouldn’t be apologising.

Apologise for shouting.

I wouldn’t expect my husband to shout at me for burning tea, nor would I shout at him.
Accidents happen.

This is not an accident, this is laziness.

Shouldn’t he be apologising for being lazy?

What's a Vax?

He should apologise to you. That kind of laziness is infuriating. And it is laziness.

Don't you find the dog pees in the same place? I use cleaning stuff because you need to get rid of any trace of smell so the dog doesn't think 'ooh its my pissng spot! Let's give it a top up'

She's in good health and house trained, so it doesn't happen. Hasn't happened since she was a puppy.

We get the occasional dog visiting who might have an accident, I treat it in my slovenly way and it makes no difference to DDog.

Y are both BU for having a dog in the house that pisses on the floor. Grim.

I think both of you are overreacting.
He did something a bit lazy and incompetent. I can understand why you were annoyed but 'shouting' about it is probably ott if he's usually ok with housework.
Equally though he needs to acknowledge that he was a bit shit to not deal with it and accept that's gonna make you annoyed. Instead he too has overreacted to your overreaction.

Ah, very good point. I hadn’t considered that.

The cynic in me wouldn’t be surprised if it was MNHQ looking to drive engagement, now you mention it. Surely these people don’t walk amongst us.

You should have asked him to get the vax out and directed him how to use it ... training need! Yes, apologise for shouting.

@WorldMap24 if the smell doesn't go, you may need to replace the underlay in that area, if it's soaked into that it's permanent. Also if smell returns after cleaning, steam clean the area, blasting it right into the carpet. Bacteria in urine can regrow if the initial cleaner doesn't kill it all first time round.

Looks like a hoover but it’s for cleaning carpets you put water and cleaning chemicals in them and they give your carpet a really deep clean.

So if it had been the OP who had left the dog pee and made a thread saying she was upset her husband shouted at her you’d be on his side then. Got it. Personally I am against shouting but that’s just my own opinion.

We do, and we don't use a Vax. And I, personally, am female.

The horror!! 😱

Both should be apologising.

Shouting, unless someone’s life is in danger, is not acceptable. Do you agree with men shouting at women?

You came home to a cooked meal & a husband that sat with you so you don't eat alone, wants to chat about your day and you kick off over a accident? Yes you should absolutely apologise. Massive over reaction. I can't believe you're having to even ask.

Next time, spend the time you would have spent writing this post and clear up the mess.

Thanks!

As others have said, shouting isn't hugely constructive, all the person thinks about is the shouting and not their own actions, and the argument then moves to the shouting etc and the original point gets lost.

However I would have been annoyed and would have made that annoyance clear. Either he knows that it's shit to leave it (in which case he was being lazy and selfish) or he has no clue how to clean it up (in which case he could have asked)

What I'm not clear about is why it's you who is now using various products and techniques to clean it up, why isn't he doing it?

I don’t think YABU to be irritated and to tell him you think he should have done something differently. You are, however, unreasonable for shouting and over-reacting- you are far more annoyed by this than I think the issue warrants. Especially as you say he generally pulls his weight, so if that is the case then it’s not like this is a “straw that broke the camels back” situation.

we all lose our cool sometimes, it happens and it’s not necessarily a big deal. Just apologise and move on- you can make it clear you still think he didn’t deal with the dogs incontinence properly and you believe you are justified in being annoyed about it, but you are apologising for the way you dealt with it which was not ok. He should then apologise for his error in judgement. And then yiu can both take a deep breath and move on. You do seem very invested in being in the right though.

You were rightly frustrated and so you wrongly shouted. With hindsight I’d have made him google how to clean up dog wee from carpet and followed those instructions. The joy of hindsight etc.

does he now know what to do next time?

It’s a carpet cleaner, either smaller handheld unit that adds cleaning solution and then sucks up all the stain / wet mess or an upright carpet cleaner like a vacuum cleaner for wet spills / stains.