FIL pissed me of

[Shakeyshakeybaby]

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

I never said I was city centre. Its a different county to where we live.

So it’s all sorted with the coach (well him going out of his way and roping in someone to accompany him)?

OK, direct question: which country do you live in OP?

If your fil is in good health then it sounds like he is being mean to not help on this one occasion.

You’d think he’d enjoy going to watch the occasional football match.

However if he flat out isn’t going to help then you are going to have to be creative and make alternative arrangements.

As far as I can tell you’ve got three choices.

Your dd missed the match
She catches a taxi on her own and you find the taxi fare
Your older teen takes her in a taxi and waits in a nearby cafe

No one on here can make your fil a more helpful person.

Why ever not?

I left home at 17 and travelled 200 miles on a bus, on my own, to get to my new home. I understand your annoyance with your FIL but your children's lack of independence is a bit unusual.

Thank you so much. You totally understand.

If the trip involves travelling on the N7 ( or equivilant road here)I don't blame your FIL for not wanting to do it really.

As someone who has a kid who plays cat 1 football I totally get it(no holidays and being limited) and games can be two hours away for example. Speak to the coach. Do they have a coach going for the kids? They may be able to help. They will want to help your gather so may be worth a go or mention it to one of the parents at training about possibilities…..

You booked a holiday and forced your MIL into watching the kids when you knew they both would rather not- having said they never offer and you've only asked them once before.
It's not like it's an emergency or health related thing. You're twisting their arm into it. I'd do as your FIL did tbh and tell you to sod off too

I agree your FIL sounds horrible, but there's not a lot you can do about that now.

I'm also joining the ranks of all the genuinely confused posters who cannot get out heads around the apparent impossibility of a 16 and 17 year old taking a taxi ride.

If you'd said the cost was too much, that would be understandable.
But "It's cold" " DD doesn't know the area" "people in our country don't do this" "DD wouldn't be comfortable"

As you've said there is a LIDL close by I'm assuming you're not in the wilds of Siberia or somewhere far flung and war torn.

If the match is so important to DD then both DDs should step up. Why should the coach and another adult ( or your FIL) be inconvenienced but not your DDs??

Ask BIL. Remind him the night before and day of. Surely DD has a phone and is capable of this. Tell him how important it is for DD. Ask him to put reminders in his phone. Sorted.

Op she's not a child I think that's what ppl are getting at tbh .

my response to fil fir next favour is you are sorry but you are going to lidl and can’t help… suggest he asks his flakey child

Sorry but I'm just hearing loads of feeble excuses purely so you can take it out on your FIL. If it comes to it, she'll just have to miss this one game and start from the next game when you're back to chauffeur her there.

@Shakeyshakeybaby fully with you on this. Anyone who thinks it’s appropriate to send your DD in a taxi needs to give their heads a wobble. I wouldn’t do it either.

As for your FIL he’s obviously missed out on a lot of the joy of having grandchildren - just make sure your husband is not available the next time he asks for a favour.

I hope the coach can do it.
Honestly OP, you and your husband need to drop the rope completely regarding your FIL is concerned.
I wouldn't want him around my children.

Stop doing him any favours.

I think making the assumption all men like watching football matches is similar to making the assumption all women hate watching football matches.

And even if you like football, there is some difference between standing out in the freezing wind/rain/snow/mud for 90 minutes watching lower skilled people kick a football about from a sub optimal viewpoint and sitting down in a warm pub with a nice pint of beer watching decent quality football being played on TV.

This is of course without the 50km drive tagged on.

probably more because it’s his own grandchild playing at a decent level rather than because he has a penis.

She's not an adult though so yes she is a child.

It’s got nothing whatsoever to do with the fil being a man.

I’m a woman and I couldn’t care less about watching football, but I like watching my children play.

Lots of grandparents go to some of the football matches to support the children.

I voted YABU.

Not because I think your FIL is reasonable, he sounds like an ass hat. But because you knew he wasn't going to do it, yet you've decided to be completely reliant on him.

MiL has dodgy leg and can't drive
Taxis, trains and buses aren't the done thing where you are
You have no friends
Daughter has no friends
Sister can't do it because reasons
Brother is as reliable as a chocolate fireguard

So your answer to all this is 'I'll rely on someone who has already made it clear they will not do this sort of thing.' I find that unreasonable.

Tell the team it's too short notice for you to make arrangements for this game as you have other plans already in place. Unless they can help somehow with a lift she will not be starting this week but will start from the next game

Theyre teens now. You could have built an excellent relationship with a babysitter over the years and now they’re at the age where you could safely leave them overnight alone in the house together.

She's probably in 5th or 6th year. Kids her age have part-time jobs, look after elderly relatives, and act like responsible human beings.
You are delighted when people agree with you about how 'impossible' things are. Thats exactly the attitude your FIL has. Well done on rearing kids in a similar fashion.