FIL pissed me of

[Shakeyshakeybaby]

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

😂

What a lot of fuss.

What is your objection to a taxi? Here, us adults are hard pushed to get a taxi between 8am and 9.30 because nearly all the drivers are doing school runs, primary age upwards .

You don't have to live in a war zone to lack safe and reliable public transport. Some countries simply have completely different setups and infrastructure.

I used to hang around with some hardy lads from rural South Africa who had about 10 stories each of being robbed by taxi drivers and it took them years of living in the UK before they would even consider booking a taxi here.

PIL live 3 minutes from us. Round trip to club is 55km.

3 minute walk

Ahhh OP I get your point and understand you being pissed off tbh I would be too especially as it is a one off. I also understand your position with DD. Not sure if everyone else has grasped that your DD is clearly playing academy football and not grassroots, one it's much more competitive and 2 you tend to not get as close anyway with other parents due to reason 1 and 3 she's new to the team and first game she will be nervous too so a peaceful chilled journey and someone to watch on will likely help her confidence etc.

However, i don't think there's much you can do regarding FIL he's made his point and made his position pretty clear...... I'd be asking BIL and hoping that MIL can help to make sure he is there on time etc......

You imagined wrong.

I didn't spot that, but with the number of posts about "babies [singular] first Christmas" it doesn't surprise me.

Because she has made it very fucking clear to those of us with an IQ in positive integers that she is not in the UK.

Standard of comprehension in this country gets ever worse.

That is really uncalled for. You know you are talking about a child, how disgusting. I have not asked my eldest daughter to bring her sister.

I’d be annoyed with FIL too. As it’s a new team for the 14 year old and might need a bit of moral support, I ask 17 y.o to go in taxi with them. I’m sure you do a lot for the 17 y.o so they could do one small thing for you. It’s not asking much.

I wouldn’t do anything to help FIL again either.

Thank you and you are right about everything.

Mine as well. The 17 yr old is a teenager that (in the UK at least) is old enough to sign up for the armed forces and be called up to fight in a war zone, and these two cannot, between them, work out the logistics of travelling a relatively short distance for a couple of hours for football training. Stop making excuses and get on with it!

I'd go in a heart beat for your dd, I LOVE Lidl😍

I am afraid to say that if your DD wants to attend this training session she is just going to have to take a prebooked taxi - or you call the club and explain the situation and see if there is another team member living locally. While I agree it's a dickish move of your FIL you are not entitled to a few hours out of his Sunday. He clearly doesn't want to do it and has told you so. On the bright side, at least you know when he is older, you won't feel guilty when you don't visit him in his care home!!!

I assume you're Irish?

Other than the completely unhelpful fil, your situation sounds perfectly normal. No way would I or any of my friends leave a 17, 16 and 14 year old overnight. There is a big difference between leaving a 17 year old on their own overnight, which I probably would have done with any of my 3, and having them responsible for younger siblings.

I did a quick read through your posts and see the coach will collect her. That's what I was going to suggest as in my experience coaches will do that. Pain for them having to bring another adult though.

It's great that you have reached out to the coach who is happy to help in this instance. As for your fil perhaps your dh should think twice before making him self so readily avaliable to help his dad when he can't be bothered to help his granddaughter this one time. I totally appreciate he wouldn't want to do it regularly but you aren't asking him to. It's a one off and he could sit in a coffee shop or go to Lidl, sit in his car or shock horror watch his granddaughter play.

What I don't agree with is not asking your 17 year old to go with her sister as a one off. Surely they could have got a taxi together? I appreciate it would be inconvenient to her but presuming she has a phone she could head to one of the coffee shops you mentioned. Perhaps your mil could ho with her so she has company? You aren't happy with your fil not helping out but haven't even considered your older child. Families help each other out and I don't think it is too big an ask of a sister.

So it's "the equivalent of Liverpool to Manchester" (55km) Eh??

I'd pictured you rural with all the issues of "taxis not an option here" stuff but now you're city centre? And going to another city centre? But in a weird country where 1km is actually 2km..... 🤔

Could your 17 year old not go to one of the coffee shops nearby- that you said FIL would be able to go to- instead of standing in the cold.

I was with you at first but you’re knocking back all sensible suggestions of ways this really could be resolved.

DDs really could just get a taxi.
Ask BIL and hope he’s reliable
You really could contact the coach.

It’s a shame FIL won’t help but if he’s bee like this the whole time you’ve known him then it was a bit naive to rely on him.

It's the 16 Yr old that's the footballer not the 14 Yr old.

Or each km is actually two km because they've got to fucking come home!

😂😂😂 people aye!

How do you suggest the older dd does it? She doesn't drive. A taxi would be exorbitant (assuming the op lives in Ireland) and if they are pretty rural, it may not be possible to get one anyway. You are also relying on a taxi being willing to drive out to the arse end of nowhere after the match to collect them again which is not something I would be willing to risk for my dc.

Why can't she get a taxi on her own? She's 16. Mine have been doing that since 14