FIL pissed me of

[Shakeyshakeybaby]

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

If she has been scouted and signed then the coach will get her there.
If not then she either misses a game or MIL can get a taxi, drop DD off and then taxi over to the coffee place, then order a taxi from the coffee place to the club and back home.

Your FIL is awful and undeserving of the family he has but stop asking and stop doing him favours.

I’ve voted YABU because I can’t believe you’ve only left your kids once and they’re all teens.

Coach is not aware of anybody who lives near us but he will enquire. If nobody is close by then he said he would bring my DD. He will also need to bring another adult for safeguarding reasons.

Well, you should certainly say “I’m sorry FIL but we’re only ordering takeaway for the kids and MIL, there won’t be any left for you. Maybe you can pick something up in Lidl for yourself.”

Yeah, I would contact the coach and see if he can arrange a lift for her. If not then you'll have to come back early or just not go.

But next time FIL needs a favour it'd be "sorry, no, I'm going to Lidl"

Miserable git!

Edit: Cross posted. Glad the coach seems to be coming up with a solution anyway. Could MIL go as the additional adult?

We had nobody to mind them.

Fil is a dick. Im the only driver in a house with sporty kids and i get it ... very stressful whenever I want to go away or go out and im faced with them missing events. For the record I wouldn't leave those 3 ages for two nights either ! Assuming all in school. Hopefully the coach will help. If I was a local parent I would (and I'd give a box of chocs to someone who helped me)

What an incredibly inconsiderate grandfather. Does he not feel ashamed of himself?

Really not surprised you're pissed off. Has he always been distant?

17 year old stays at home. Granny gets taxi with footballer and 14 year old and they have a lovely couple of hours in a nice cafe. Then taxi home.

But you expect your FIL to instead?

Honestly I think it is increasingly obvious that YABU. Every solution that has been proposed in this thread has been met with a firm "no" for whatever reason and now the excuses are just getting ridiculous.

But two of them are adults op, one 6 years past the age of needing minding. I am so curious to know which country you’re in, and am assuming it’s dangerous. This thread could be used as an example whenever anyone posts querying what are the good things about living in the UK. I’d say 16/17yr olds being able to be independent is quite important.

Do your in laws live near you ? How long would your fil be travelling in a round trip from his house?

Glad you got it sorted @Shakeyshakeybaby .

Enjoy your holiday!

I really think you are babying your children. Most 16 year olds would be able to get somewhere 27 kms away. Public transport plus taxi. You can sort out details before you go or you could ask your daughter to sort the details out as an exercise in growing up. Why on earth did you put the distance in kms if you are in the UK. Was it to make it sound more?

If the coach doesn't live near you, FFS just tell your older daughter that she has to do it.

I can just imagine the spiel you gave the coach - first weekend away in years, would rather cancel than expect eldest poor DD to stand in the cold, MIl can't drive, had a knee replacement, DD hasn't ever missed a game, she'd be devasated.

I'm embarrassed for you.

Why on earth not, do you live in Iraq?

Slightly missing the point, but I don't understand why someone who's retired would choose to schedule their regular shopping trip at the weekend.

Sounds like he's intransigent and inflexible in more ways that one and I wouldn't be doing any further favours for him either.

I’d do what a PP suggested first and contact the coach to find out whether there’s another parent he knows of who may be able to help give her a lift, or perhaps a willing staff member.

Failing that, you may have to lose the cost of flights and rearrange for another time if FIL is so inflexible.

Not when the kids are your age, love.

Would it be acceptable to point out that the past tense of baby (verb) is babied not babyed?

That sounds really kind of the coach, but is it really a better solution than DD getting a taxi there? Yes, it will be expensive, but much more convenient for everyone, and will give your DD a sense of independence that she’s surely going to need if playing at a high level?

You are going to put this new coach out plus someone else who has to accompany due to safeguarding

to avoid your 17 year old sitting in the clubhouse with a hot drink whilst their sibling plays football for 2 hours

ok

Two of them are not adults. One just turned 16 and one is 17. What are you talking about?

If OP lives in Ireland then she is being even more unreasonable.

My DH is Irish and all of his nieces/nephews travel by themselves all of the time without needing to still be babied in their teens. It is a very safe country. I don't know where she gets the idea from that it isn't common for teens to take taxis/ubers on their own either as that is also BS.