FIL pissed me of

[Shakeyshakeybaby]

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

I am gobsmacked that 16 year old Irish kids are scared of taxis. My nieces and all other teens I know use them all over the place if the bus isn't an option

I hope the OP returns to tell us that she lives in South Africa but I think I'm right and its Ireland,
Just to clarify for the normal readers. Many Irish kids take taxis. Many Irish kids take buses and trains to school. Many Irish kids are independent and encouraged to be so by their parents.

The OP and her attitude to actively discouraging independence is not a reflection on Irish kids in general.

Nope I said we left them once to go abroad. Its in my first post. We have left them overnight to stay in hotels in our own country.

Abroad

so you have not “only been away from our kids once since the eldest was born”

I'm intrigued. Is she part of the travelling community?

What community? Travellers?

Correct

She will be, yes. It ticks every box

A traveller who doesn’t travel.

Very common in these communities

Well she should have said that from the very beginning as it is obvious now the reluctance to take taxis. Instead she just shot down every suggestion and gave evasive answers and suggested the whole country was like that when they are very much not and it is actually a feature of the travelling community. No wonder PP's are confused.

I sympathise- some members of my family are quite similar and it feels horrible to have to practically beg for help, especially when that other person knows you would always try to help them.

I’ve been trying to encourage her too

It would help posters understand.

I hope not as they're terrible at travelling!

Okay. So she wouldn't be welcomed in a taxi or have friends willing to help out? Or because she has daughters that cannot be allowed out unaccompanied?

I see....... the OP should have stated facts when posting instead of wriiting ambigously about 'my country' and how kids 'here' apparently don't use public transport and almost eighteen year olds cannot be left for a night.

Then there’s your problem. Why couldn’t you ‘expect’ her to do that? She’s 17, could get pregnant and have a whole child at this age but can’t sit in a coffee shop for 2 hours?
Theres a perfectly easy solution here but you refuse to put anyone out except your FIL

Not that she wouldn’t have been welcomed in a taxi

but the community wouldn’t have wanted her alone with a stranger man

I'm curious to know how you worked that out though as I can't infer that from her posts at all.

It’s so obvious when you read all the follow up posts

Honestly you are raising children to be incompetent adults.
A 16 year old who cannot get a taxi alone is actually ridiculous. It doesnt really matter who she is playing for, like you keep reiterating, it's a one off!!!!

Perfect, sounds like a nice bonding activity for DD and her uncle.
I would be remembering this situation the next time FIL wants a favour.
Enjoy your holiday!

If I was your DH he should ask again and say ‘Dad, you know Emily’s soccer is a big deal now? She’s exceptional at it. Are you sure you can’t put off Lidl and take her? It’s a bloody sad state of affairs when we’re now looking in to taxi firms to take her. God knows who she could end up alone in the car with. She’s a 16 year old girl Dad! You’d rather we did that than her Grandad take her? Jesus. Anyway how is that Internet / Car / DIY problem that I sorted out the other day for you?

Yes I see now.

Would have saved so much aggro and confusion if she had stated from the beginning that her DDs can't take taxis on their own with unknown men due to cultural reasons as they are from the travelling community, rather than some insane BS about how kids in "my country" don't do that in general.

Why are people being so unkind to this poster, why do people have to get so nit-picky and start tearing posters to bits when the poster obviously has a really happy family unit.
It seems that every time this happens someone has to come along and start being sarcastic, is it because they can’t bear to think that some people are actually happy.

So she does know her coach and teammates? Try talking to the coach who she obviously knows having trained twice. They may be able to make some arrangements. Seems like you just keep making excuses just because you’ve got a downer on your fil