FIL pissed me of

[Shakeyshakeybaby]

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

Don't you have any friends yourselves (unrelated to the club) that could drive her there if a taxi is so prohibitively scary/expensive?
If one of my friends said to me 'Judy, John has booked a weekend away first one in forever, sods law, Rosie has a footie match at X and we can't get her there, can you help?', I would happily say yes, get her there, stand and shout encouragement from the sidelines and take her to the coffee shop afterwards for a debrief on how she thought it went. I would take photos/film her and send them to you.

They would do the same for me. I had one who drove 50 miles (not km) to wait with me when my car broke down and I was on my own. For others, I have last minute scooped them up to get them places when trains have been cancelled.

I am gobsmacked that 16 year old Irish kids are scared of taxis. My nieces and all other teens I know use them all over the place if the bus isn't an option.

OP I don't see how you are going to be able to switch off and enjoy your break and so I almost think you should cancel: I am definitely one for babying my kids (I know this is not a good thing btw!) but I also know they do need independence and to learn basic life skills, e.g. getting around. I have read all your posts now and if DD17 is learning to drive at the moment, there's a small pool of countries you could be in.

You seem to be putting up obstacles to all suggestions and many of those have been reasonable and made in good faith and as a PP said, we don't have the full picture. I do think your FIL is being a PITA but sounds like he always has been and yep, no more favours for him. Incidentally, students start university at 18 at the earliest in the UK with the exception of Scotland, where it's 17, so not 16 as you said.

Jesus op it's all pretty simple. Your FIL doesn't want to help out and you have no one else to ask. You either need to pay a nanny to take care of your kids for a day and do the drive for you, cancel the trip or cancel your daughter's football for that one day? It's not a huge deal and it can be sorted out.

Not true.My DD17 flew to Portugal on her own last year to visit her cousins. They regularly take public transport and we have left them on their own overnight.

So at 16 your DD flew alone?

but you would never even consider your 16 yr old getting a taxi?

And if the match is that critical, I would also say, sod losing the flight cost. It is only a 40 minute flight, it cannot have been that high.

She was 17

You have left them alone overnight?

Doesn't look like it in your OP We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids.

So this 17 year old is close to 18?

I know the community you’re from @Shakeyshakeybaby

and if you maybe told posters, they would understand a little better

I have rang BIL and asked him to bring DD. He said no problem. I let him know that DD is nervous about her first game so it was important that he was on time. We have a very brother/ sister relationship that's totally open so he wasn't offended by this.

This whole thing is reminding me of the Peaty saga. I hope the devoted OP will not be uninvited from any future wedding.

And yet you didn’t ask in the first place, asking the coach first

Forgive me if this has been answered, but why in Ireland can a 16 year old not take a taxi but a 17 year old can take an international flight. Also why can the 17 year old take this said international flight but cannot take their slightly younger siblings to a football game? Why can the FIL go to a nice coffee shop whilst waiting but the 17 year old can't?

Turned 17 last September.

She is in Ireland.

God knows where though as my DH's family live in rural County Wicklow and the teenagers are way more independent and not babied like these kids are, and yes transport is shit in the rural areas but as a one off they are able to take a taxi by themselves to get to places.

In Ireland, yes

Not in the community the Op is in

Looking at the thread it looks like you had everyone’s sympathy in relation to your FIL but then lost it when you kept shutting down possible options. Your mindset to this situation does come across as “FIL is the only possible situation and he refuses to change who he has been for the last few decades”. I understand taxi cost as a barrier to your DD17 taking her sister but not your other excuse - yes, she’s had to traipse around the country supporting her sister previously but that is what we do for the people we love.

You said you've only ever left them once before and they stayed with your PILs?? Now you're saying you've left them overnight?

That's funny and reaching. I have a great relationship with all my children. We are a very happy, contented family. Sorry if you don't like that.

I can't get over having only been away from a 17 year old once before 😮. That is fairly ridiculous!!

In general they are not scared of taxis. OP is just a massive control freak.

Yes, FIL is very unhelpful, and needs to be told no next time he asks.

But I’m very surprised you don’t think the oldest one can go with her and find a cafe for a couple of hours. She’s 17. Dies she not go shopping on her own or with friends?

So she can fly to Portugal (despite being a child -your words )alone but can't accompany dd16 in a taxi or be for a couple of hours or manage in the cold whilst mum and dad have a rare break ,,you don't want her to give up free time but you want fil to give up his ?
They stay overnight alone but MIL is staying this time despite living only 3 mins away ?

If I'm wrong op then I apologise but you've been contradictory in alot of your statements .
I wonder if your pulling out legs .

So it’s nothing like Manchester to Liverpool because it’s not city to city and it’s half the distance apart?