Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

I divorced my ex (after 45 years of marriage). Why on earth would I change my name? It’s my name, same as your DH ex. Why are you ‘peeved’? Especially if it’s been the case for so long.

Unless you have deep hatred for them and want no association, sometimes the name is just nicer, or you want the same as your kids, or you’ve just got so used to it and its signature and everything official is in that name anyway.

Could be worse- his ex wife could have kept the name, and you both end up working for the same company and when in meetings together people comment on how funny it is to have 2 people with the same unsual surname in the room...

FWIW- yes you are being unreasonable

When you change your name when you marry, or for any other reason that becomes your name. You don't need to change it for anything because it's your name.

😆Not that i know of.... just married quite young and grew in different directions. Still get a Christmas card from my lovely ex in laws every year.

It’s her name. No one can make her change it.
My friend is the second of 4 wives. All 4 still have his name and he’s not even still married to the last one!! All 4 of them have at least 1 child with him between the ages of 25 and 8.

My mums been divorced for 30 yrs. has the surname still, same as her adult children It’s common to do

If she didn’t change it 28 years ago, she sure as shooting isn’t going to change it now, after more than 3 decades.

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years?

Yup YABU. And it's not his surname; it's hers and has been for 30 years.

Why are you so bothered anyway?

His ex wife has her name. The minute she started using it, she took full ownership.

she also didn’t have her father’s name or mother’s name before marriage. She had her own surname that happened to be shared by one of her parents.

the individual owns their own name.

It's probably been her name for longer than it not being her name at this point. Are you willing to pay for a deed poll for her and then all the changes of ID and the hassle of getting it changed?

Its as important as being Jennifer Gibson and meeting someone else who just happens to be called Rebecca Gibson. It really doesn't matter.

Her name is not your business. End of story. It's literally nothing to do with you.

Not your business. She has every right to do so.

I was married for 25 years and it’s now been 32 years since I let go of my maiden name. It would feel very strange to go back to a surname that I lived with for less time than my married name. There’s definitely no feelings attached to my married name if that’s what you might be worried about, it’s just a name to me that I prefer to my maiden name.

I guess my feelings are rooted in the fact that I find it uncomfortable to take the name in the first place.

I was with my ex for 11 years, but we never married. Even when we were together I didn’t fancy taking his name if we married. We parted on pretty decent terms and are still civil, but the thought of now having his name is awful. If we’d married and I’d taken it I’d be changing it back asap!

Same with current DP, I just find the whole thing weird! I have a name, why would I want to change it to someone else’s?

I do kinda understand if someone has a truly awful name, but honestly, if it was that bad I’d have changed it by deed poll at 18! 😂

No she doesn’t.
She has the name she is quite rightly using.
It’s got bugger all to do with you what someone else’s surname is.
In what world do you think you have any say in the matter…you don’t.

I’m not sure why it bothers you, DH and his ex wife share a son, their son has the same surname as them. I share the same surname too… as we then got married, they were together 8, 2 of which married. We’ve been together 17 , married 11… doesn’t bother me one bit that she’s got the same surname.
I would imagine once upon a time it probably annoyed her more than we’d got married and shared the same haha

I didn’t change my name back after I got divorced. A mixture of: preferred my married name (hated my maiden name), I had had that name throughout my career so wanted to keep it for that (so people knew it was still me), I wanted to keep the same name as my children and I couldn’t be bothered to change it. No big deal.

I kept my married name after we divorced, although it was also a family name on my side as my mums maiden name was the same as his.

So I have cousins etc with the same surname as my ex, but no relation to him

Legally you can change your name by deed poll to whatever you want. Everyone on this thread could change their name to be the same as yours, and you couldn’t do a thing about it.

If I was to get divorced, I would 100% keep my married name. It’s my kids name and I want to be the same as them. You can’t possibly know that that’s not something that bothers her unless you happen to have asked her, which seems unlikely….

You obviously don’t like the fact that she’s kept her name as it’s also your name now, but you need to get over it and move on. Get DH to change his name to yours if you care so much!

Is she known professionally by her married name?

Precisely this!

It was her surname before you came on the scene, it doesnt affect your life.what she calls herself

As soon as she took the name, it became her name. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.