Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

I think it's weird that you think it's weird! It's perfectly acceptable. Names don't belong to anyone

I actually laughed out loud at this!

NC for this as it's extremely outing to anyone who knows the people involved!

When my ex-DH and I divorced, I kept our surname- partly because I couldn't be arsed with the admin of changing it back, and partly because [my first name] [my last name] is MY NAME! It's what everyone knows me as, what I'm known as professionally, it's not a name I associate with him at all anymore.

On the day the divorce was final, he asked me if I was keeping it. I said yes and made some joke, which he laughed at. He then blocked me and got engaged to his new girlfriend two days later.

Anyway supposedly she felt the same way as you about the three of us 'sharing' a surname, so when they got married they apparently amalgamated their surnames together to create a brand new one.

The point is: she's very unlikely to have done is as she's still madly in love with your husband. Pick a new surname if you care that much.

Edited to add: I'm getting remarried this year and will not change my surname to my new husband's, for the same reasons as above. So I'll be married to a man while still wearing the name of another! The SCANDAL

I'm divorced 30 years, neither of us remarried. I kept his unusual surname as my maiden name was Smith....

Exactly

To be blunt its non of your business. She may have kept the name as she didn't want a different name to her child. I kept my married name for that reason until I remarried

I was married to my late husband for 27 yrs. His ex chose to keep her married name, presumably to have the same name as her adult children and also because changing would have been a faff.

It did cause me a bit of inconvenience at work. She met her Affair Partner at work, in a school.

I worked in a school in the same region. The way that emails were set up would have meant us having almost identical email addresses and I could see that there would be confusion in other ways. Partly because of that, I kept my own name at work for the first 8 years. I just sucked up any confusion outside work.

Things did take a weird turn. When her AP died, she finished up with DH's best friend, a widow. When he died, I helped her out with a hospital appointment - she needed a day procedure, the kids weren't stepping up and DH couldn't drive by then.

I dropped her off. After I got the phone call to pick her up, I discovered that she'd put me down as her Next of Kin at hospital. That made me feel a bit uncomfortable.

I'll cut this short, but suffice to say that by the time DH died, his ex had Partner No 4 who dropped her off at DH's funeral and some strange things happened around that time.

Ergo, when I had to sort out the enscription on the memorial I followed the old Scottish tradition of putting my maiden name instead of my married name - I wasn't risking people thinking that it was her. (At a point when I was on my own, trying to keep the last of my sanity whilst organising a funeral during lockdown, I'd got a phone call from DH's DIL, telling me that the ex was "devastated"...)

So...I can understand your feelings, @ByCyanPlayer - but I voted YABU. For the reasons that I outlined at the beginning, it's often sensible for a divorcee to keep her ex's surname.

I divorced and kept my married name because I liked it better than my maiden name and it was too much hassle to change it back. Plus I did want the same surname as my child.

I still have my ex’s name for several reasons

1. my maiden name was given to me at birth, I didn’t choose it myself!
2. I chose to take the same name as my ex when we married, my choice, I didn’t have to but I did
3. My children had the same name as their father and I wanted to stay the same as them( although one now has changed his name to something completely different!)
4. Changing it is a faff!
5. Ive had it longer than my maiden name, it’s what the vast majority of people know me as.
6. because I want to!

How cheeky of the new partner! OP, you are being absurd.

I think it's weird that you think it's weird that I think it's weird.

My dad moved on but my mum never truly did sadly.

You are entitled to feel any way you like about it but the fact is that it’s none of your business and she can have whatever name she likes.

You need to work on not letting other people’s inconsequential actions affect you so much.

Are you threatened by her in some way perhaps? The fact you also say “she’s not the type to bother about sharing a name with her son” shouts out that you are giving quite a lot of thought to this woman who was married to your dh for 2 years, 28 years ago.

Or change her name by deedpoll to 'Angela TheRealMrsDarrenJones'?

I have my ex husbands surname still. I wanted to have the same surname as my kids. Now they are adults I don't particularly like or want the surname, but i hate paperwork even more than I hate the name. So it will stay. His first wife changed her name, but it wouldn't have bothered me if she'd kept it. My mum changed her name back to her maiden name when she divorced my dad. That surname (my maiden name) is horrid, so I don't blame her, and is one of the reasons I won't change it back to my dad's name. I'd have to think of a new name!

I still have my first married surname despite being divorced 24 years and remarried 10 years.

You sound lovely - and very patient!

Failing that, if you can find a police station open, report the crime’

I have my husband's surname. I changed it when we married 44 (!) years ago. I regret changing it as my maiden name is unusual and fast dying out. My husband would have no objection to my changing it back but it's just too much hassle.

I kept my married name because it’s MY name.

Its the same name as my son and it’s also a very well known name in my professional circle.

Her name is none of your business. Does your other half mind you being so petty and jealous?

My ex H couldn’t care less what name I use.

I have no clue why this would bother you or what sort of impact you feel it has on you.

YABU - they have been divorced for 28 years! Who cares! It’s a bit late to intervene now as she’s probably has her current name longer than she had her maiden one.

These. Possibly both: "The current (second) Mrs Husbandsname"

I still have my ex husband's surname on official documents/accounts etc. Why? Initially I wanted to keep the same surname as my kids but then later on I just can't be bothered with the faff of updating it everywhere. I use my maiden and married name depending on who I'm talking to. I don't give it much thought tbh. My partner of 8 years couldn't care less.

I’ll keep my husbands name, it’s better than mine 😆

My DPs ex wife still has his surname too - I understand that she said she wanted to keep it to have the same surname as her children.

I’d imagine this is what’s happened here OP - though as time has ticked on she probably can’t see any reason to change her surname. She might also be well known in her career with that name.

DP and his exW have been divorced now for around 6 years and she is due to remarry this summer so I would be interested to see if she will take her new husbands surname - as we are also getting married soon so surely she won’t want the same name as me?