Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

Kept mine because my children have that name, 20 years later still got it

Why would you care? My aunt and uncle divorced 35 years ago and he has since died but she still uses her married name. They did have two children but they are obviously grown up now.
Although I don't understand the big deal about surnames. I still use my maiden name my DDs have my name. DS has DHs surname (long back story as to why they have different names) but I can't say I'd care if an ex wife has the same name as DH. Do you worry it means she still has feelings for him?

Even if you kept it simply because you liked the name, it went well with your first name, or you didn’t like your single name, I can’t see why it matters. The only time I have raised a bit of an eyebrow is when someone married a celebrity, divorced after a short time with no children, but kept the famous surname. 😏

Weird thing to worry about. My husband's ex still has his name and I have been married nearly 20 years. I don't have his name. I have never really thought about it and don't care.

She probably wants the same surname as her son. My mum and dad have been divorced around 25 years but she kept the surname to be the same as my brother and I. And she can’t stand my dad!

Names are not on loan to women from men.

I don't know what would possess someone to discard their whole identity on marriage to begin with - double-barrelling excluded as that honours both - but this is an aside. I exercised my own choice and others are free to exercise theirs.

Your husband's ex has done so. She's taken that name and it's now hers. It isn't a cattle tag and she doesn't have to return it once she's no longer in association with the person who provided it.

The whole gamut of attitudes surrounding this antedilvian custom are baffling to me.

Having just Googled changing back to maiden name it looks quite a faff and you have to inform so many companies, institutes HMRC etc. Nope couldn't be bothered with all that and doesn't it have a charge attached to doing it?

You'd have to PAY ME to go back to my maiden name - I hated it

Its been her name for thirty years. Thats a long time.

If it bothers you so much, maybe ask her how much cash it would take for her to change it back. Offer to pay her. 🤷‍♀️

🤮 bleurgh!
He didn't give it to her. People take surnames as adults, they choose them for themselves. The only time someone is given a name is at birth. Other than that, yes it is hers.

Does it actually affect you in any way?
My husband’s sisters are both divorced. One was given 5 years to change her name in the divorce process. He had quite a high profile position and didn’t want her to use it to her advantage (trying to join the yacht club under his name). She claimed she needed it while the younger child was still in school and for work purposes (she promptly gave up work, and ‘said child’ chose to live with his father). I noticed she went doubled- barrelled and has recently dropped her ex’s name as instructed.
The other recently divorced has decided to keep her name as agreed with her ex’ since changing documents was going to be too complicated.

A friend, divorced for several decades has even had permission from her ex to take his name for her youngest child (not his) so she could identify with her older siblings. He was a great about it, saw it as an honour.

Would you be peeved if she lived 10,000 miles away in Australia with the name? (Assuming you're in the UK).

You mean her name; not just his.

Yes, YABU

You don't have to understand the choices of other people.

Yes you are @ByCyanPlayer . Mind your own business.

That’s why I said single name. I couldn't bring myself to use the word maiden name 😬

I still have my exH name 26 years after divorcing. It's how people know me, its how I'm known professionally and I cba to change everything if I'm honest.
I guess i may feel differently if it had been a traumatic marriage or an acrimonious split.
Don't worry about it, we aren't keeping names in the hope of a big reunion !

I really don't understand why so many second wives are so threatened by an ex wife keeping her surname. It is quite bizarre.

They've been divorced 27 years and their son is an adult. The only unreasonable thing here is that you're bothered by her surname. It's nothing to do with you.

I’ve got a friend who’s in the same position. We often joke that the way her ex carries on he might have several ex Mrs Smiths by the time he finally pops off!

In my friends case she would have agreed to change her name back if he’d allow the kids to be changed or double barrelled but he wouldn’t.

I do find it weird that anyone would want to retain the surname of a person they’re no longer with. Especially if they don’t get on.

I’m on the fence as to whether I’d ever change my name for any man anyway, but I also wouldn’t take my current DP’s name. He didn’t even like his own family (parents and siblings) so why would I want their name? His ex wife still has his name, and I wouldn’t want to share a name with her. So I’d just keep my own name and if he wanted to he could take my name if he wanted us to be a family with the same name etc.

I didn't particularly like my father and was teased for my maiden name at school, so quite happy to be rid of it, although my husband wasn't one of those men who are weirdly insistent that their wife 'needs' their name. He was fine with whatever I decided.

So I took his name when we married and now it's my name just as much as it is his. So if we ever divorced, I'd be keeping it.

I still have my ex husbands surname and my dc are over 30.

I can’t be arsed with the faff and cost of changing my name back. It’s been my name now longer than my maiden name was.