Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

I kept my ex’s name because I want the same name as my children and it would be damaging to my career to change it again and a little because I didn’t want everyone at work and all my clients to know I was getting divorced.

I've been divorced for 15 years, I still have my ex husband's surname.

I want to have the same surname as my daughter.

Why does it bother you so much?

It’s a massive ball ache changing everything over to a new name also names on qualifications cannot be changed. If my husband divorced me I would keep the surname. To match with our children, not to have to change all my ID and have to explain my documents and qualifications. I actually like the name and hate my maiden name. I’ve had this name for almost 20 years! Most people know me by this name! She owns that name and it’s part of her identity. You have no right to ask her to change back to her maiden name.

It's her name and she has used it for 30 years. You and your husband do not own the rights to the name.

Nobody is under any obligation, legal or otherwise, to change their name on marriage or divorce but it is amazing how many people think it is required. It isn't.

You are being unreasonable, and ridiculous.

Ha! you missed a trick there! Have you thought about changing it back?

I don’t think you have any right to be annoyed by this, it just doesn’t impact you.

But, as I’ve said on other threads recently, I do think it’s a weird thing to do. I never changed my name so it wouldn’t bother me if there was another Mrs/Ms Hisname around because it sure as hell isn’t my name.

Yeah, that's why I put it in quotes - because it's not really a 'gift'. It is however somewhat like a gift, in that you don't have to give it back.

My mum has been divorced from my dad for 20 years and kept his surname simply because she wanted to have the same name as her child. You are being unreasonable, it’s nothing to do with you. You don’t have a hold over a name because you chose to marry. She can keep whatever name she likes.

My mum didn't change her name when she divorced my dad. I was very young when they divorced. I did think it was a bit weird when I was a teenager.

To me, my dad and his family were my family not hers. She did eventually change her name when she married and had more kids. I'm fine with not having the same name as my mum and siblings

What a rubbish wedding present! Hope she got some nice china and bedding as well

She actively made the choice to change her name, . It's not a gift anymore than her giving birth to their son is a gift to him.

My parents separated in 1987 and finalised divorce in 1992. My mum did not revert to her birth surname and wanted the same surname as me and mull. She also got married in 1971 age 20 so had shared a surname with my dad for longer than she did her own dad. I hope it pisses off my dad's new partner every single day!!

Because despite them being divorced as they have a son and his age doesn’t matter they are still a uni, the name reflects that.

I obviously wasn't clear. 'Gift' is in quotes because it's obviously not actually a gift that she should be grateful to receive - I used the term simply because it's the sort of thing that once you get it, you don't have to give it back!

As I've clarified in subsequent posts, 'gift' is in quotes because it's obviously not actually a gift that she should be grateful to receive - I used the term simply because it's the sort of thing that once you get it, you don't have to give it back!

He gave it to her, and now it's hers to do with what she likes!!

Maybe she just can't be bothered changing everything, bank account, NHS, HMRC, driving licence. If it doesn't bother her why do all that. I did when I got divorced but I wanted to do it so it was worth the bother to me

Well if I was you, I know what I’d do, but I’m a vindictive little shit. 😁

YABU.
It's her name. Just because she divorced your husband doesn't mean she has to change her identity again. It's her name. It's her family's name. I won't lie, you sound a little bitter, which is odd given they are divorced 10 years.

A woman's name is her own business, no matter her marriage status.

I’m DH’s second wife, it’s one of the reasons I didn’t change my name, there are enough Mrs DH’s name about, including her and his mum, it’s also v common name where we live. They have kids, DH and I don’t and had no plans too. You are being weird.

Are you a bit insecure about your relationship generally? I can't see why you would care otherwise.

My Mum still has my Dad's name and they've been divorced over 30 years, it's her name, he didn't loan it to her when they got married.

Of course it doesn’t matter. My (now) ex’s ex still has the name nearly three decades later. Never given it a moment’s thought. No one actually owns a name, unless they have a special legal patent.

She probably just wants to have the same surname as her child and also can’t be arsed with all the hassle of changing her name with bank accounts, passports, DVLA etc etc. it’s time consuming and costs money.

Yabu

I kept my married name even though I’m divorced because I want to have the same name as my children. It’s also how I’m known professionally.

It’s my name now anyway, I don’t have to give it up!

I suspect this is rage bait, but I’m biting anyway!

Fascinated by how you know if she’s ’the type’ to care about having the same name as her child? What ‘type’ is that? I double barrelled mine but I only really use my maiden name, I’ll answer to either surname both or none I really don’t care what anyone uses. I’m not ‘the type’.

There’s nothing about me to suggest I’m the type to care about having the same name as DD except the fact that I do indeed have the same name as DD, and that won’t be changing. From the fact that this woman hasn’t changed her name to be different from her son’s either, I guess you can infer that she is in fact the type.

I agree with everyone saying it’s her name, and hate this line of thinking that men graciously bestow their names upon us to indicate we’ve won the great prize of getting them to marry us, but it’s only ever on loan and not really ours to keep - incur their disfavour and lose them as a husband and you no longer get the enormous privilege of their glorious name.

She's the first Mrs de Winter
You're the second Mrs de Winter

Non of your business. She can call herself donald duck for all it matters.

Maybe she likes to have the same surname as her own child whilst he was growing up and now it would just be weird to change it. Probably saved loads of silly explanations through the years. Even travelling with different surnames on passports might have meant questions in the past.