Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

Get over yourself. It’s her name. Why should she change it? My parents divorced 45 years ago and my mum never changed her name.

She probably wants to keep her name the same as her sons and after all that time married, it would be hassle changing it, that’s if she wanted to. Why don’t you do all of her admin and pay the costs of having her name changed back? What a weird person you are. Can think of plenty of names for you currently.

I was married for 20 years, I had my married name for way longer than my maiden name, have now been divorced for 24 years, it’s the name my children wanted me keep, they were all teenagers at the time and they didn’t want people to think that the other woman (who he went on to marry) was their mother, so I kept it, plus it’s a right admin faff having to change your name and expensive having to get new passports etc

I lost my home, my job, some of our friends, and my hopes and dreams for the future, I was damn sure I wasn’t going to lose my name as well, and if it pissed her off so much the better

😂😂

Perhaps not. Doesn't stop people like my MiL persistently addressing me as Mrs Hisname, despite the fact that I've never used it (and despite DH asking her repeatedly to stop).

But she's used that name, then she divorced FiL, remarried and took on another name. Can you imagine if I'd responded in kind and addressed her as Mrs DHName, on the basis that her claim is greater than mine?

She'd have seen her own backside from a mile away. I could have responded in kind but didn't, as I'd have made myself just as petty. But neither do I pretend the thought has never occurred to me!

Don't let it bother you, as long as she is not interfering in your life, plus it's her name and your husband doesn't seem bothered so why should you, maybe she likes having the same name as her son, if it was me I would change after being together only two years, butu daughter had her dad's from birth till her twenties and he left us when she was six months and she decided to drop it, let her get on with it it's just a name and your married to him

My husband's dad has been married 4 times now. His first wife passed away, but the other 2 wives he has been divorced from for years (including my MIL) have never remarried and still have the same surname. Nobody has ever been bothered about it, including his current wife. In all honesty if my husband and I were to go our separate ways, unless something really awful had happened, I don't think I'd bother changing my name either. I wouldn't want to have a different surname to our child and I honestly don't have the time or energy to deal with all the hassle.

Oh - you've had that too, have you? The wide-eyed expostulation: 'But your husband's name is your LEGAL name!'

I don't buy for one minute that any woman who has married, dropped her name and been through the hassle of changing paperwork genuinely holds that view. If you keep your name you need do precisely nothing - this is the default position. Given their very obvious first-hand experience to the contrary, I have to conclude that this is faux naivety calculated to put other women back in our boxes (and IME, it's almost always women who do this). 'Trust you to want to be different' is another common and equally groundless objection.

Different from what, exactly?

Exactly she is her own person it's her name her child's name, she most probably has paperwork in her then married name let her keep it why get stressed about it, 28 yes come on get a life

So it was important to your daughter and you that you shared the same surname, until it was more important to you that you shared the same surname as your new man?

Given that you almost surely got your father's name and not your mother's, it's hardly the only patriarchal bit....

Yes you are wrong to be peeved.
Its her name, when you change your name its your identity and part of who you are.
Regardless of how old the kids are its a connection to them too.
You dont get to be upset if your relationship is secure and as you say they have been divorced for 28 years what are you worried about.
I wont change my name after divorce it doesnt mean I want me ex husband back, its my name personally, proffesionally and I share it with my children. Its also a lot of aggravation to change a name and a lot of paperwork.

Hear hear it's her name and her child's before you arrived and if anyone should be bothered it would be your husband but he doesn't seem to care or mind

As I said before if she is not doing you any harm leave it her son most probably likes it as well and your husband doesn't care

I hope you stopped posting after seeing the overwhelming response telling you YABU, realised how pathetic this is and are thoroughly embarrassed.

If I got divorced I doubt I’d change my name out of sheer laziness all that paperwork - could not be arsed

maybe she just prefers that name ? If I’d married someone with a name I liked I’d keep it - would only ditch a nice name if the man was horribly abusive

why does it bother you ??

I haven’t borrowed my husband’s surname for the duration of the marriage, I’ve changed my name and now this is my identity. I wouldn’t change it either.

Not your business. It’s her surname a lot longer than it was ever your surname, she’s hardly going to change it now.

Yes you are wrong to be peeved and its none of your business. Of course she wanted to have the same name as her son and by the time he was grown it formed her entire identity.

Its not your husbands name ....its hers and her sons

It isn't her ex's surname, he doesn't own it. She has her own surname, which she can use for as long as she wants.

If you'd prefer your ex to have a different surname to her, he should change his.

She is entitled to have the same surname as her son. My SIL kept her ex’s name so she shared a surname with her kids. Her oldest son is now
over 18 and he’s changed his surname to her maiden name.

Your feelings are totally understandable. But your husband’s ex-wife can call herself anything she likes. it is solely her decision.

i would have found it absolutely extraordinary, and very hurtful, if my step-mother ( or anyone else) had tried to dictate to my mother which names she could use following her divorce from my father.

You’re being unreasonable

my mum kept her married name. They divorced some 40 years ago. But she kept her name to match mine and then when I got married there was no point

yeah. It’s not YOUR name. He was married before you.

We’ve been married for 26 years. His ex still shares his name. I don’t and never have. Frankly I don’t give a shit.