Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

If my Mum hadn’t of remarried there would be no way she would ever go back to her maiden name. (It was awful)

My friend divorced and even before ink was dry she had changed her name back to maiden.

Another friend she wanted the same name as her children after divorce , she is now in her late 50’s never remarried and still has her ex name - as she says I’ve been known by this name for nearly 30 years it’s kinda mine now!

It’s each person choice.

Why does it bother you? Is it because you was not his first choice?

That was her name before it was ever yours.

Her child's name before it was yours.

Hahahahahaha okay don’t be so ridiculous mrs number 2

When I saw the title I thought it might be the new Mrs Cornflower complaining about me!!

Timelines confirm otherwise.

However I do intend on changing my name back....... eventually.

I would like to think I annoy the exH and the new missus.(it certainly will upset one of them!)

He once told exMIL he hated the fact I was Mrs XXX.

I retorted it was mine name and I intended to keep it.

Now when I cross the rainbow bridge I want my maiden name used.

When I can find the time I'll change it. (Although knowing the ex there be a 2nd ex Mrs Cornflower soon enough).

Now there's a great idea! 🤣🤣

If only we could persuade OP to reveal the name then we could all set up deed polls to adopt it ourselves. She would probably self combust.

I doubt OP will be coming back now. She was looking for validation that she alone had rights to her husband's surname. She didn't get that and instead quite rightly had her arse handed to her on a plate. It's very nearly unanimous that she is being unreasonable/ridiculous.

How do you know she’s ’not the type’? It doesn’t sound like you’re close with her to know this.

Maybe she just likes the name/ prefers it to her original name/ cba with the faff or cost of changing it everywhere.

How long have you been married? Do you see it as your name yet or still his?

Perhaps initially she kept her married surname, so it was the same as her son's. It makes life easier if she has the same surname. However, it's down to personal choice - did the marriage end acrimoniously? If not, she may have felt no burning need to change her surname. Some women can't wait to change their surname back to their maiden name. My ex partner, his ex wife changed her surname from his to her new blokes as soon as she left him!!

OP - it is his ex-wife’s name. My DH’s first wife still has his surname (we have been together almost 25 years); I still have the surname of my first husband, because when I remarried, the DC made it very clear that they didn’t want me to have a different name from them. Present DH, being a very reasonable chap, did not object, and thus it is. You may think that your DH’s ex-DW isn’t bothered about having the same name as her son: perhaps it’s her son who’s bothered about having the same name as her? Either way, I don’t think she’ll be about to change now if that’s been her name for the last 28 years! I really don’t understand why on earth you would care!

I am the same - I have kept the surname of my ex husband who is my only child's father.

And unless I remarry the odds of me changing it are very slim. Because it's important to me to have the same surname as my daughter. I don't think that can be unusual or difficult to understand?

My name is the same as my children’s name it also happens to be the name of my ex and my ex new wife already had the same surname when they met and I know she wasn’t happy but everything is in this name all my professional qualifications and registrations passport etc and it was too much faff to change and I wasn’t bothered.

I don’t know why you care, do you think by keeping it its like hankering after the ex because I can say it certainly is not!!! It’s just a name it doesn’t remind me of him at all. I’m about to be remarried so it’ll be gone an the kids are grown adults

DM still has DFs name and they've been divorced 25 years and he's remarried.

I don't know why, I suppose it avoids any questions, maybe that was important at the time, plus there was admin involved, and now it's been too long.

I hadn't really thought what that meant for DCs surnames, I hate DMs maiden name so wouldn't want that.

I never liked my surname (or unfortunately my first name) but if I had changed it at 18 it would have hurt my parents. It was bad enough trying to get them to understand how much I disliked my first name 😩. Sometimes I think I’d have rather just been given a number 😂

Why would she want the massive faff of changing her name at this stage?
And why do you care?
Madness.

100% this.
I still have my ex-Hs surname and likely always will. It's my kids surname and that is the most important part. It's my name!

I support her keeping the name if she chooses. There's no 'of course' to wanting the same name as your child though. My son and I do not share a surname, it doesn't bother me at all

None.Of.Your.Business

YABU

The simple answer is Yes.
I don't see the need for women to change their names when they marry but I understand it's a matter of choice. It's her choice, therefore, to use that name.

I kept my married name because it's in my business's name and I didn't want to change it as too confusing for clients or for word of mouth recommendations. Also I have a complicated family history from birth onwards with three fathers (!) and the married name was mine for 30 years. I like it and it's been mine longer than my maiden name was. Nobody else's business!

Why doesn't your husband change his name?

Well actually Mrs number 100K++ as in all probability XH's mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, aunties, cousin's wives etc going back hundreds of years were Mrs <whatever his surname is>

Yes, I realise the issue that the Xwife still styles herself as Mrs or Ms <whatever>. This is ridiculous & speaks of a deeper insecurity.

Maybe read the thread then, and you'd be less baffled.

It’s her name, it’s presumably her child’s name and it’s a complete nightmare to change your name (and report 10000 times each name you’ve had for employment / DBS checks). I know 4 women who have all been divorced 25 year and have kept their first-married name.

What impact is it having on your life OP?

It seems like a really childish response to another woman getting on with her life. But if she's using it somehow to hurt you it might be more understandable.

She doesn't have his surname though-she has hers!

Did you also take his surname?

I don't understand why anybody would want to keep their ex's surname - I changed mine by deedpoll

This a surprisingly common error.
Your maiden name IS your official name (unless you changed to your married name by deedpoll).

If a married woman goes to court, for example, and gives her married name she will be asked to state her maiden name, as in:
Jean Luc nee Maiden

So after divorce there's no need to do anything except start using your maiden name.