Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

That's very kind of you. Unfortunately, I finally blotted my copy book about a month or so after the funeral...

Suffice to say that we're no longer in contact.

Meh.

If this is real and not just a rage bait post, just remind yourself that you got the bloke, she just has the name that matches her kid.

Whether this is a result or second prize, nobody else can say. Wife #1 might regard it as the best outcome this way.

You don't borrow a name when you marry and then have to give it back. It becomes legally your name regardless if situations change. Plus who could be bothered with all that admin?

Yabu. It's her name. My gran was divorced for most her life and she always had her married name. My grandad's new wife was mature and never had a issue and tbh I don't know anyone who did. You the only person I've ever heard that had this issue

Etc. Retaining a name is nothing to do with not moving on.
Perhaps you should show a bit more compassion to your mother. Let her be

The not wanting people to know that they're divorced is clearly weird.

You know nothing about my mum. For her it was about retaining her married identity and not moving on.

Not really...some people feel it's a failure and are private. And it's not so long ago that divorce was a scandal...thank goodness times have changed!

Thank you.

My dad's first wife kept his last name, they have a son together so think she liked having the same last name as him, he married my mum after and had my sister and I, and my mum wasn't bothered his first wife had his last name.

No compassion. Your poor mother

I think the point is what was said in the earlier post - the poster's mother doesn't want people to know that there was a divorce.

Once again, you know absolutely nothing. There's no point engaging with you any further, so I won't.

I’m divorcing. Keeping the surname as it’s just easier with kids and I bloody my original surname.

And too many people think you are called Rebecca.

Don’t blame you one bit - how dare she try to make your dh’s death all about her!

Hit a nerve obviously , so I'll retreat. Apologies

Yes. You're wrong.

I kept the surname because it's the same as my child's. It's got absolutely nothing to do with wanting to keep my ex's surname. Believe me.

Grow up. 🙄

I don't think it would be something I'd care about. I'm sure your husband doesn't think about it especially after so many years divorced.

I'm chuckling at this.

I actually had this - unfortunately, my forename is not the same as my husband's ex's, but there's a similarity : think "Jane" and "Jennifer".

One time, we were visiting DH's old area. (We'd been married some time by then.)

We stopped at the local garage to fill up with petrol. Dh had a chat with the owner - who had recognised him - and then gestured towards me: "This is my wife, Weary..."

Owner: "Weel! A wid would nivver have kent ye!"

I’m sorry but you are being unreasonable. I will never change my name if I get a divorce. Yeah having the same name as my young child would be one reason but I am my name. I was married in my early 20s and have grown as an adult and a professional with this name.

1. She went through the hassle of changing her name once and doesn't want to do it again.
2. When her child was at school it was easier to have the same surname.
3. When her child was young he liked his mum having the same surname.
4. She wasn't ready to say goodbye to her marriage when they first separated.
5. She thinks it sounds better with her first name.
6. She knows it annoyed her ex (and his future partners).
7. After a number of years she just got used to being this name.

Any or all of the above.

Don't understand why this would bother anyone.

Some people choose to keep their married names (even after divorce) for a wide range of reasons, such as keeping same surname for their children, its a surname they have had for longer than their maiden so people now know them as this (common if youre a professional) or just preferring their married name over their maiden name.

I am divorced and been separated from 2019. Legally, I still have my married name but I use my maiden on socials etc. It was too much hassle to change.

I will be getting remarried in July so I plan to double barrel with my maiden name and change everything legally then.

It became her name long ago.
Getting divorced doesn't require a change of name. Yes she could have, but it would have taken an effort and almost certainly cost her money for new document issues. There's no reason for her to go to the trouble of changing her name if she doesn't want to.
I think you know this.
Try to stop thinking of her name as meaning 'wife of your husband'. It's not how the rest of the world views it. You will be happier if you let this go.

My mother was married to my father for about 3 years in the 60s. They’ve been divorced 50 years.
Hes been remarried for about 30 of them and with his wife for about 40.
My mum still has the same surname.
My husband’s mother is a very similar situation although married longer.
It’s their name. Neither woman has any attachment to their exes I can assure you and I would orbaly have changed mine in their positions but it’s a huge pain and expense, and they would have different names to their kids. That’s it