Is this quite common or would you also feel incredibly hurt by your parents?

[Regainlap]

Last weekend we (me and my brother and our kids) went to see my DM and DF (sixties).

The topic of a care homes came up as a documentary was on the tv late afternoon. This was about failing care homes. My mum, almost out of nowhere, said well we’ll be in charge of where we go as we’ve set up a trustee/nominated person to make these decisions with our finances for where we get to that stage.

Brother was equally as taken aback at the time and parents then said they had done it so me and brother didn’t have any disagreements and to ensure me and him weren’t put under pressure to deal with it all.

I accept I have little to no knowledge as to what’s usual in these circumstances but I know my mum was in charge of my gran’s circumstances at that point and the same with my dad and his mum. I just find it so offensive and hurtful that they’d rather appoint essentially a stranger instead of their own DC. AIBU?!

I think they’ve done you a favour - it’s so so hard trying to organise care for elderly parents, if needed.

And, there’s nothing like the stress of doing it that causes quicker arguments between siblings.

@casualobserver2026 I find your observations about the OP offensive.
Your judgement about ' faux rage' and it all being about the OP gaining access to her parents finances are outrageous .
And as nonsensical as your
everyone does understand completely of course that absolutely nobody is proposing that the solicitor is some sort of fairy godmother or will take over everything
So many posters on here have referred to the involvement of a solicitor as being a panacea and that the OPs parents are saving her a lot of worry and stress.
The post immediately after yours refers to the solicitor arranging care.
You say that the OPs parents want this very specific care .
How do you know what they want or what they have arranged?
The OP has said that they have refused to share any paperwork with them.

Not just me that felt @casualobserver2026 was making outrageous comments.
Glad to see MN deletion.